My First Encounter With Subspace

 
This is the first of three posts I’m going to make about subspace.

In this post I’m going to describe the overwhelmingly intense experience I had the first time I encountered subspace.

In my next post, I will describe my general observations of and conclusions about subspace as experienced by the submissives in my care.

In my third post, I will describe some rather more technical observations I’ve made regarding the physiological and neurological mechanisms of subspace (and a little of the psychological).   My observations, however, aren’t all that technical, given that I’m not any sort of scientist who would know about, or be in a position to verify such things.

I’ve read a lot of different things about subspace online, and I’ve spoken with a lot of different people about it.

There seems to be incredibly little, if any technical material written about the physiological, neurological, and psychological mechanisms of subspace, which I think is unbelievably disappointing.   I suppose it’s yet another example of how people who aren’t in the mainstream are disregarded as a whole by others, which is, I think, unfortunate.

There was a limited discussion of subspace in a yahoo group I belong to.   A question was asked about memorable BDSM experiences, and I’d posted about the scene which I describe below.   As a result of that post, people were asking about subspace.   I did write a post about subspace, but I was asked to remove some links I’d included, since the moderators felt that the inclusion of those links transgressed the rules of the group.

I hasten to add, that the informative text content of the linked pages was not what transgressed the rules of the yahoo group, it was something unrelated to the text.

As I feel the links I’d included were relevant and important to me to include in my post, and since I prefer to respect the rules of the yahoo group, I decided not to (re)submit these posts there.   In an effort to maintain the informative content of my post, I thought I’d post them on my blog, and then I may include whatever I like. :)

Those links may be found towards the end of my second post.

I mean, I didn’t even like to think how long the post would end up being if I included the text from  all  the prohibited links, as well as the text from my post!

It doesn’t bear thinking about, frankly. ;)

So, in the interest of trying to manage my verbosity, I’ve made three posts, of which this is the first one.

I hope you enjoy them. :)
 
 

Leading Up To The Event

 
One month after discovering that I was sexually dominant, whilst attending my first munch, I was invited to my first play party the following week at a private home.   At that party, I experienced my first scene with a submissive who was to serve me for the next four months.
 

(and who then turned out to be a lying, manipulative stalker, but that’s a whole other story)

 
At that party, I was invited to another play party the following week, also in a private home.   The host who invited me said that he thought it might be a good idea if I’d like to consider dominating a friend of his, who was experiencing some identity confusion and trauma as a result of having been submitting to an abusive dominant.

I was told that the submissive was feeling that he probably wasn’t actually a submissive after all, but was really a dominant, because of his feelings about submission relating to his experiences with the abusive dominant.   According to the host of this second party, he thought I’d be able to help his submissive friend resolve some of these issues.

Essentially, I was being asked, as I understood it, to “sort out” a traumatised, confused submissive.

I thought that was one of the most utterly bizarre things I’d ever heard.

Why was he asking me to do this?   Everybody knew I was the most complete beginner ever to come out of complete beginnerness.   I’d only done one scene in my life, ever.   I was thinking to myself  “wtf??”

I was so new I still had the shiny wrapping on.   I still had the  tags  on me even, fer chrissake.   They didn’t come any newer than me.   I was still under warranty.   I was still within the 14 day returns period.   I was so new I could have been sold on eBay as
 

“Mint Condition New Dominant BNWT (No Reserve) !!L@@K!!”

 
Yet here I was being asked to sort out what sounded like some sensitive and complex issues with an experienced submissive.

Weird.

But inside of me, a little voice was saying, over and over again, insistently:
 

“You can do this.“

 
And I thought to myself, well, maybe I can.

And anyhow, party, cool!

So I went to the party.
 
 

The Party

 
So, I arrived down to the party, and I was introduced to the submissive I’d been told about.   He seemed a shy, friendly, considerate sort of person.

We spent a long time talking.   He told me something about the experiences he’d had before.   I listened.   I told him I’d make some hard limits which would not be transgressed unless he himself gave me permission to do so.

One of those limits was the cane.

In the weeks before I’d been in negotiations with a submissive who wanted to be caned.   I’d never caned anybody before, but from what I’d read and heard about, the cane is a really dangerous implement which requires great skill to use safely.

The submissive at the party had been really really hurt by the use of the cane by his former dominant.

I must admit, I felt attracted to such an implement.   As a violinist, I appreciate precision and skill in the use of tools.   I was drawn to the idea of an something which could be an instrument of catharsis, and which, with practice, I could learn to use with expertise.

I had a couple of canes which had been given to me by the submissive with whom I’d been in negotiations, and I was interested to try them out.   But I was also happy not to use them, if my play partner didn’t want to engage in that activity.

So we agreed that we’d both like to proceed, without the cane.

And that was how it happened that the second scene I ever did was with a submissive who had been abused by his former dominant.
 
 

The Scene

 
1. Spanking
 
I asked him to strip, which he did without appearing reluctant or embarrassed in any way.   He put his clothes in a tidy folded pile on a chair.

I started off very slowly, and warmed him up with some strokes with the riding crop, and an over the knee spanking.   I alternated regularly between strokes with force, and sensual touch, both with my hands, and with the implements I was using.

I was enjoying watching how his skin was blushing up with my ministrations.   I could feel the extra warmth from his pink skin feeding its way up to my hands.   I found the whole thing quite overwhelming and very, very,  very  hot.

I loved stroking his bum slowly, caressing it with my hand, feeling the warmth, over the areas I’d just been using with force.   I loved feeling his body over my knees, pressing into me, squirming with excitement at every touch, whether the touch was with force or with gentle care.

His squirming was incredible.   I could feel every single response from his body expressing itself through my lap and abdomen, where his body was against mine.
 

Wow.   Hot.

 
I checked with him regularly and he seemed unequivocally to be enjoying himself immensely, perhaps even more than I was.   His voice sounded incredibly emotional.   He started slurring his words slightly, which I thought was because of the excitement.

During the spanking, he started begging me to please be allowed to take my cane for me.

I carried on with the spanking, which was really exciting me, and was considering the cane, as he continued to beg more and more urgently to please, please, may he be allowed to take my cane for my pleasure.

His begging was really quite delicious. :)

So, ultimately, hot with excitement, and also feeling seriously cautious, I agreed to use my cane on him.
 
 
2. The Cane
 
He was a really tall, well built man, and we were in quite a small spare bedroom, and it was difficult to put him in a convenient position to take the cane, but eventually we worked one out.

I began with light taps up and down his bum and his legs.   I was enjoying the springy feel of the cane as it swung and bounced in my hand, the sounds as it swished through the air, and the juicy  ”THWAP“  every time it landed on his flesh.

Mmmmmmm, mmm, mmm,  mmmmmmmMMMMM.

Increasingly, he was begging me with more and more urgency to please hit him harder, and harder, and harder.

I had to be extremely careful because there was very little clearance on the other side of him, and I had to make sure that the tip of the cane cleared his body, without catching on the chest of drawers on the other side.

Gradually, I increased the speed and force of the strikes, tapping him rapidly up and down his body.   There were no stripes being left on his skin, just an overall pinkness. I wasn’t using that much force and I was remaining aware and careful to keep it that way.

I lost count of how many strokes I administered, and I wasn’t having him count them, so I really have no idea, but I’m sure it was more than 100, including all the little taps.
 
 
3. The Strapon
 
Earlier on, I’d told him about the strapon harness and dildo which I’d ordered, and had arrived a few days ago. And at this point he started begging in that utterly delicious way he had to please be allowed to take my strapon.

I was keen to try it out, and my submissive was so hot and I was so excited, I pulled the thing out of the toy bag I’d brought, and started buckling it on.

Before I had a chance to finish buckling it on, he turned around from where he was on his knees, and started sucking it.

Wow.

That was  hot,  from the planet Hot, and the city of Hotness and the neighbourhood of Hotosity.

Fuck.

I had  NO  idea of all this hotness.

Fucking Wow, with a capital Wow.

I watched him deep throat my strapon for awhile.   His eyes were closed, he looked absolutely rapturous.   I could feel how deep he was going in his throat by the pressure against my body.

Then I put my hands on his face, and gently turned him around.   I got out a latex glove, lubed it up, and started working my fingers into his anus.

He was really open for me, really really.   I was able to get three fingers in there almost immediately, no problem.   So I put a condom on the dildo, lubed it up, lubed him up, and gently started easing my way inside him.

He was moaning a  lot.   I couldn’t help moaning too, it was soooooo, well, I mean, more Wow.

He kept telling me how much he belonged to me, how much he was mine, how much he wanted to take everything I ever wanted to dish out, he’d be there. wanting it, begging for more.

He was pushing back at me for all he was worth.

I responded with how much I owned him and how much he belonged to me, and how I was going to take him and use him however I pleased, and how he was just going to LOVE it.

I thought I was going to melt.

Shortly after that, I had to stop.   I could see and feel how hard he was pushing back at me, but I could also feel that it was hurting him a little bit, and I didn’t want that to continue for any length of time, so a few minutes later, I asked him to remain still, and I pulled out of him.

Both of us were just so turned on at that stage, but I wasn’t going to go for a release with a submissive whom I didn’t know that well, and I certainly wasn’t going to share my own release with anybody I didn’t know well.   So I decided to wind it down.
 
 
4. Aftercare
 
After I pulled out of him, he turned straight around, and I had to prevent him from sucking on the dildo again as he was so keen to do it he wasn’t considering the health implications of putting something in his mouth which had just been up his arse.

More much hotness.

So I pushed him gently back down onto his haunches, and I pulled some wipes out of the toy bag which I’d brought along.

I could have had him clean everything, I suppose, but I prefer to oversee the care and maintenance of my tools myself, and I didn’t after all know him all that well.

So, as I cleaned everything off, I talked with him.   He was so appreciative and so grateful, and his eyes were just so full of, I don’t know what, but it was just fabulous!

He spoke of his experiences before, and of his experiences just now in our scene, and what a contrast and difference that was.   He said he’d take my cane any time I liked, or absolutely anything else I’d care to use him with.

I told him how pleased I was with him and how much I enjoyed myself, with genuine sincerity.

I checked him over to ensure he hadn’t suffered any serious damage from anything I’d done.   I did find three small welts on his far flank, where the tip of the cane hadn’t quite cleared his side and had caught on the chest of drawers.

Considering the sheer number of times I’d thwapped him with it, I was pleased that those three small welts were all there were.   I cleaned them with the wipes, and put some antiseptic cream on.

His words were slurring more now, and he was apologising for having had too much to drink.   That was when I started to think something was up, because he was a big man and had drunk hardly two bottles of beer with a meal from the barbeque.

I remained in that little spare bedroom for about forty minutes, talking with him, telling him how delicious he was, hearing him tell me how he’d be available anytime for my use however I liked, how he trusted me and felt safe with me, and how I hadn’t hurt him, and how good he felt.

His words slurred less after the forty minutes, so after that I asked him to dress and took him out to the rest of the party so I could relax and socialise and smoke.

I asked my submissive friend to please look after my drinks and snacks, and so we went into the kitchen first to get me a drink.
 
 
5. Some Weirdness
 
In the kitchen, was the abusive dominant who’d abused my submissive friend before.   Yes, she was an invited guest to the party, in the home of the same person who’d told me about this guy and how traumatised he was.

Don’t ask me, because I really don’t know.   She was there, and that’s who she was, and that’s all I know about it.

As he went to get me my drink, she reached out and grabbed one of his nipples through his shirt, and twisted it.   This was one of the things he’d told me that she’d done before which had really hurt him.

And by the way, everybody at the party knew I’d just been scening with him.

So I turned to her and said, quite calmly and matter-of-factly:
 

“I’m so sorry, I haven’t released him yet.   If you want to play with him, please consult me first.”

 
Now, I’m remembering that this is only my second ever scene knowing I was a dominant.   Two months ago I’d never been to a munch or a play party.   I’d read one thin paperback about domestic discipline, and talked to a few people.   I’d had one other scene with a submissive and was at my second ever play party.

How did I know to say that!?!?

I have no idea, and don’t ask me, cos I just don’t know the answer.

But anyhow, that’s what I said, and the result was really quite startling.

Her body posture, which had been tall and erect and proud, kind of crumpled up, and she looked just like a six year old girl who’d been caught in the biscuit tin.

She said nothing.

My submissive friend turned around so she couldn’t see his face, and mouthed  “Thankyouthankyouthankyou”  at me, and then rushed past me and out of the kitchen.

So I went in and fixed my own drink, feeling pleased with myself.   I chatted with her, about nothing in particular, but she didn’t say very much.
 
 
6. More Aftercare
 
I went into the living room, and sat down on the sofa.   A friend passed me an ashtray, and I enjoyed a cigarette with my drink, and snacked on some nuts in a bowl.   Every few minutes I looked up to see my submissive friend in the doorway, watching me, and I smiled to see him.

He smiled back.

Periodically, I’d hold up my nearly empty glass, and he’d fetch me a fresh drink with more ice.   This went on for about fifty minutes, as I relaxed and chatted.   I was feeling quite exhilarated from the scene, but also quite tired, so I was enjoying the relaxed socialising, with my drink and cigarette.

All this time, he looked and sounded absolutely fine, no word slurring or anything.

And then, I looked up, and he wasn’t there.   I wasn’t too worried, I just thought he’d probably gone to the loo or something.
 
 
7. The Subspace Part
 
Twenty minutes later, and he still hadn’t returned.   I was starting to feel concerned.   There were people waiting to go to the loo, and there was no response from behind the locked door.

It was necessary to break into the loo, because as it turned out, once he was out of my sight, he dropped into the deepest subspace I’ve ever seen, or even heard about.   He’d dropped so deeply into subspace that he was unable even to speak or move for himself.

He was absolutely  flying.

He dropped so deep, soared so high, so completely suddenly, and after an hour and a half delay, all this resulted in him being in a state which, to observe, felt profoundly shocking and frightening to me.   This was only my second ever scene, so I was fairly inexperienced at the time.   I had a really hard time getting my head round the fact that I’d done that for him, given that to him.   He was uncomprehending and incapable, responding to touch and sound in ways which reminded me of a tiny baby.

But he wasn’t a baby, he was a large, 52 year old man.

It took over two hours, giving him water, talking to him, putting cool cloths on his head, to bring him round.   He thought he was drunk, but he’d only had two bottles of beer, with a meal, and he was a really tall, well built man, well over 6 feet in height.

As he came round, I was holding his hand, and talking to him.   He kept telling me how grateful he was, how much he appreciated our scene, how safe he felt with me.

He kept apologising for being so out of it.   I kept reassuring him that he’d done so well and how pleased I was with him.   I didn’t let him leave until I felt he was in a safe enough state to send home in a taxi.

He got home safely, and I checked on him over the next two days. He was fine after that.
 
 

Looking Back

 
I think one of the reasons he dropped so deep was because his fear of being abused again was so intense, and he was so very appreciative of the kindness I’d shown him in the scene.   I’ve heard since that delayed subspace can happen like that, although apparently it is fairly rare.   It’s been suggested to me that his deep drop was delayed because he’d been around me.   Since he flew only after he’d left my presence, that may have been why he didn’t hit profound subspace until then.

Since then, I’ve put my submissives into subspace at some level every time I’ve played with them  (and often when I’m not playing with them).   Most times I can put them there simply by speaking to them, or touching them  (no deliberate hypnosis or any other strategems involved).   But never since then have I seen subspace so deep or flying so high as that time at that party.

I know I will never forget that experience. I’ve never observed nor heard about anything like it, either before or since.

I didn’t do any scenes at all for about two months afterwards, trying to digest it.

I can’t say it was the most exciting, or the most wild, or the kinkiest experience I’ve ever had.   A lot of people don’t really talk about aftercare.   But I think that the aftercare to that scene was what made it so utterly intense and memorable for me.

It was quite overwhelming and frightening even now, reliving it all again as I wrote this.

But also, still, wow, fucking HOT.   ;)