Identifying The “Do Me!!!” Practitioner

I think we’ve all probably encountered the do me!!! practitioner in multitudinous areas of our lives. I personally first encountered the name of the species in descriptions of the do me!!! submissive in the context of the BDSM community. However, many of you   (including myself whilst I was constructing this post)   may be surprised to recognise elements of do me!!! practitioners from a diverse variety of social and business environments.

I mostly descibe the do me!!! practitioner in the social context of seeking a partner. But with a little imagination, I’m sure you’ll be able to identify the do me!!! practitioner in all sorts of other areas of your life.
 
 
I was trying very hard to do an encyclopaedic or dictionary type definition (such as I did for hypocrism and One True Way), but it became crystal clear very early on that this approach was never going to work for me.

When I started doing this post, I had a very specific idea of what I was going to come up with, which really bears no resemblance at all to how this post ended up turning out. Whilst I was constructing it, I was as surprised as any of you will be to discover that there is quite a bit more to the do me!!! practitioner than simply being a one-track-minded bottom-topping attention whore.

So, instead I have put together my observations of the do me!!! practitioner, and my conclusions (which are based on and drawn from my observations) about what drives them.
 
 

A Note About Pronoun Usage

 
For my own personal ease and comfort, in this post I will be primarily referring to the do me!!! practitioners as “he”, and the people he solicits as “she”. This is because those pronouns reflect the bulk of my experience on this topic.

As a dominant woman, I am not often targeted by do me!!! women, so my experience with them is limited (although by no means absent). I am quite well aware that women can be do me!!! practitioners, and I am equally well aware that men can be solicited by those practitioners. In this post, I use “he” for the the do me!!! practitioners and “she” for the people they seek, unless I specifically state otherwise, simply so that I do not have to type “she/he” every single time.
 

• I’m not lazy, thank you, I’m energy efficient. Yay me, go me.     :D

 
So please don’t be mad at me if my pronouns don’t fit you, k?     :)
 
(I’d just love to see disclaimers like that on some other sites I could mention)
 
 

A Note About My Conclusions

 
In this post, I do sometimes phrase some of my experiences as if they were factual, instead of strictly as   my   experience. This is because I have drawn my conclusions from experiences which were sufficiently frequent and/or numerous that   I have come to regard those conclusions as generally factual   for me.   Some of you may recognise some or all of my experiences as accurately reflecting your own experiences, and so they may be factual for you too.

The point I’m trying to make here, is that these are   my   experiences, and I am   not   trying to state proven facts which are categorically true for all time and for all people.
 

(although they might very well turn out to be true, y’know, just by accident)

 
Just so that’s clear.     :)

Ok, first, a general picture.
 
 

Introducing The “DO ME!!!” Practitioner

 
The do me!!! practitioner is native to most parts of the world, is extremely hardy, and thrives in even the most extreme conditions. His breeding habits are elusive, so not much is known about them.

(this may be primarily because his frequent efforts to attract breeding partners tend to be so spectacularly unsuccessful)

Yet the documented numbers of do me!!! practitioners which have been counted and tagged by researchers since the 1930’s have either remained constant, or risen over consecutive generations. So he must either reproduce in some way, or else the genetic predisposition to become a do me!!! practitioner is recessive.
 

(Ok, so I possibly may have made that last statistic up.   Slightly.)

 
There is a unique combination of behaviours in the do me!!! practitioner which make him distinguishable even from within large groups of other creatures. Once the unique behavioural combinations are identified, they are quite easy to spot from a distance. Although the colouring and texture of their plumage, skins, and fur varies enormously between the species and even within the same species, their behaviour remains remarkably constant throughout the entirety of all the species.

The do me!!! practitioners have very few natural predators, and rising numbers have been increasingly problematic in some areas. In recent years, the management of the do me!!! practitioner population has generated some controversy. Some ecologists advocate controlled, regulated culling, others favour allowing nature to regulate itself. My conclusion is that the responsible thing to do is to organise some kind of tag and release programme. The do me!!! practitioners can be caught, tagged, and safely released into appropriate habitats within purpose-built reserves for their conservation and management.   And anyhow, there’s always the Darwin Awards.   However, I don’t think my viewpoint is shared by the majority.
 
 
Or is it?   Answers in the comments, please.   :)
 
 
On the other hand, my personal recreational fantasy scenario is that they should all be anaesthetised, put in buckets, left in the road, and run over by a fleet of catering lorries loaded up with budget chicken wings.

(including some mouldy ones)

But then, I have that fantasy about lots of other stuff too.   And anyhow I’m not a proper real true ecologist, only a pretend one.   So nobody need worry about any mysteriously unexplained bucket incidents.   ;)
 
 

Recognising Common Features Of “DO ME!!!” Practitioners In The Wild

 
The most immediately identifiable behaviours of do me!!! practitioners can include combinations of the following in varying degrees -
 

• Persistent and repeated demands for others to satisfy their wants
• Erroneous assumptions that others seek to satisfy those wants
• Inability to satisfy other people’s wants
• Inexperience with personal erotic relationships
• Bewilderment with their consistent social failures
• More than the usual amount of self absorption
• Poorer than usual social skills
• More than the usual difficulty with appropriate anger management

 
 

A More Complete List Of Common Features Of The “DO ME!!!” Practitioner

 
A more complete list of identifying features of the do me!!! practitioner can include combinations of the following in varying degrees -
 
Identifying Outlooks
 

• Self absorbed
• Misogynistic
• Emotively argumentative, confrontational, and competitive
• De-humanises and objectifies the people they solicit
• Inexperience with long term sexual relationships
• Inexperience with face-to-face erotic encounters
• Blinkered, exclusive focus on their own desires, wants, and needs

 
 
Identifying Behaviours
 

• Repeatedly asserts being “genuine”
• Disparages diverse practices, interests, methods, and goals which differ from their own
• Expounds at length about the superiority of their (often untested or failed in practice) ideals
• Shares their lengthy lists of erotic tastes in their efforts to solicit partners
• Interprets sexual disinterest from the people they solicit as personal denigration
• Blames and denigrates the people they solicit for not responding as desired
• Bewilderment at lack of interest from the people they solicit
• Persists with their ineffective solicitation methods despite their continuing lack of success
• Requests or (more frequently) demands explanations for your disinterest, which he then dismisses, disregards, and/or argues

 
 
Identifying Impairments
 

• Poor social skills
• Inappropriate anger management
• Incapable of truly empathising with the desires, needs and wants of others
• Incapable of responding productively to explained reasons for disinterest, despite their demands to provide such explanations
• Difficulties with tolerating, celebrating, and/or embracing diversity
• Erroneously assumes that others share their levels of interest in their own desires, wants, and needs
• Remains oblivious and disinterested in the desires, needs and wants of the people they solicit
• Erroneously assumes the existence of “do!! people” to match their do me!!! desires

 
 
Their Single Driving Motivation
 

• Desperate for the time, attention, focus, and validation of the people they solicit

 
 

Recognising “DO ME!!!” Practitioners In Their Natural Habitat

 
Self Absorption
 
The do me!!! practitioner can be recognised by his blinkered focus on his own needs, wants, and satisfaction, to the exclusion of almost everything else. Some of the more aware and experienced do me!!! practitioners can conceal this focus initially. But whether the do me!!! practitioner is aware, experienced or not, their blinkered focus   will   become obvious early on in your encounters with them.

The do me!!! practitioner’s primary objective (whether he is aware of this or not) is to gain the time, attention, focus, and validation of a person to whom he feels attracted, or from whom he wants something. All of his other motivations are secondary to that one. Most of his behaviour will make infinitely more sense if this objective is taken into account.

The do me!!! practitioner’s self absorption unfortunately impairs his ability to reciprocate the focus and validation he so desperately craves. This is possibly the primary reason for his continuous, conspicuous, and often spectacular failure to attract a partner.
 
 
Using Lists Of Erotic Tastes
 
The do me!!! practitioner will often try to solicit your time, attention, focus, and validation by giving you a (frequently lengthy) list of his erotic tastes.

The do me!!! practitioner searches for partners based on   their   lists of erotic tastes, because he is under the mistaken impression that similar erotic tastes directly result in social and emotional compatibility.

The do me!!! practitioner expects the people he solicits to validate his tastes without needing to be asked. He will exhibit anger or other strong emotive responses if any person he solicits declines to do this.

The do me!!! practitioner’s self absorption blinds him to the facts that his list of erotic tastes is really only interesting to him, and that the people he solicits tend to choose their partners based on criteria other than their lists of erotic tastes.

The do me!!! practitioner is almost always unaware that he is explicitly asking to be served, serviced, indulged, validated, and rewarded when he presents his list of erotic tastes to a person he is soliciting. He never seems to appreciate that   such a list has nothing at all to do with serving the other person’s wants, needs, and desires.   He is oblivious to the fact that the activities on his list of erotic tastes are most definitely   not   automatic rights which are indulged for every male by their play partners.

The do me!!! submissive in particular almost never appreciates that the activities on his list of erotic tastes represent   privileges   given at the woman’s choosing. He just isn’t capable of understanding that other people don’t all function exactly the same as he does. The do me!!! submissive considers his list of erotic tastes to simply be a flash of plumage designed to attract a play partner. He cannot see that his demands to be serviced feel intrusive and unconsensual.
 
 
De-humanising, Objectifying, And Non-Consenting
 
The do me!!! practitioner tends to be unaware that he is de-humanising and objectifying the people he seeks by referring to them with impersonal, fantasy based titles such as “the keyholder” or “the mistress”. After all, this is what he sees other people doing on the internet. He isn’t capable of understanding what is wrong with this, even if it is explained to him.

The do me!!! practitioner tends to regard the people he solicits primarily as being a source of satisfying his needs and wants, and as very little else. He is mostly unable to recognise that the person he is soliciting is a living breathing human being with needs and wants entirely separate (and usually different) to his.

The do me!!! practitioner is usually only capable of considering one person’s consent – his own. He only considers his potential partner’s consent in terms of her agreeing or not agreeing to engage. Most people, and BDSM-ers in particular, do not consider actual absence of consent to be attractive. Therefore, it is entirely unlikely that a BDSM dominant will feel attacted to a do me!!! submissive practitioner who doesn’t consider or respect her consent.

The do me!!! practitioner feels thwarted and denied when a person he solicits declines (and very many will decline) his “offer” to have them indulge, validate, serve and service his list of erotic desires. He tends to feel that declining consent to service him represents a personal slight against him, and he can often respond combatiively with anger as if defending against or avenging an attack. He frequently has difficulties managing his anger appropriately.
 
 
Response To Explanations And Assistance
 
The do me!!! practitioner’s social skills are usually poor, as his self absorption precludes him from having the effective empathy required in healthy social relationships.

The do me!!! practitioner may frequently demand explanations for the reasons for your disinterest or disagreement. Despite having demanded or requested explanations, the do me!!! practitioner is likely to either completely dismiss such explanations out of hand without considering them, or will argue their (de)merits expecting you to change your mind. So honouring his request or demand for explanations is nearly always a waste of your time. Arguing with him will only frustrate you, whilst satisfying his craving for your time, focus, and attention. He is motivated to keep you arguing with him.

The do me!!! practitioners tend not to be able to respond to advice or assistance productively. All they really seem to want is your time, attention, focus, and validation, however those end up manifesting themselves. Your advising and/or assisting is providing the do me!!! practitioner with the attention he craves. By his logic, if he keeps resisting your advice and assistance, you are expected to continue to try to get him to accept them. Since his goal is to gain your attention, he thinks that if he gives in and accepts your suggestions, he will cut himself off from your advising and assisting. Therefore, he never intends to accept your advice or assistance, since that by his definition will cause you to stop your attention and focus on him. Even if your attention is angry, frustrated, or scornful, he feels satisfied, because attention of any kind is what he most desperately hungers for.

Do me!!! practitioners don’t differentiate or discriminate regarding what type of attention they seek, they only know that they crave attention of any kind. It doesn’t matter to them what kind it is, their only concern is if they get it or not. So, being frustrated with them for repeatedly failing to respond to advice (however sound the advice may be), is only going to encourage them to continue in the behaviour which is gaining your frustrated attention.

You may notice or remember, during any of your previous encounters with do me!!! practitioners, that when you were feeling particularly frustrated with one of them, you may remember that he smiled a strange looking smile. You might have disengaged at that point. If you look back on it, and consider that your time, focus and attention were what he really wanted, that smile may ring a few bells with you. If you realise that he was exhibiting a smile of satisfaction at the attention he was getting from you during your frustrated and heated arguing, that smile might make more sense to you now.
 
 
Assorted Difficulties
 
The do me!!! practitioner is not normally capable of understanding that another person is more interested in their own desires, wants and needs than they are in his. Similarly, he usually isn’t capable of understanding the significance of his own failure to share an interest in the desires, wants, and needs of the people he solicits.

The do me!!! practitioner, in his blinkered and focused desire to be done to, usually erroneously assumes that there are just as many people out there who are every bit as keen to “do” to him as he is to be done to. Often, his failure to attract those people results in his blaming them for their disinterest in him, and accusing them of “not being a real [whatever]“.

The do me!!! practitioner has spent so much time considering and thinking about how he is going to really get a partner next time, that he often forgets that the conclusions he draws in thought have no basis in experience or fact. In conversation, he has a tendency to go on a length about “true relationships” or some such thing. Most of his ideals on these topics appear unworkable, unrealistic, and nonsensical to people who have experienced personal relationships themselves.

Whilst the do me!!! practitioner pontificates about his ideals, he frequently disparages other diversities in an effort to bolster his own position. He will repeatedly and hypocrismically denigrate bigotry, whilst simultaneously exhibiting bigotry towards others who do not share his ideas or outlook. This characteristic is commonplace amongst do me!!! practitioners.
 
 

Common Features Shared By The “One True Way” and “DO ME!!!” Practitioners

 
In many ways, the do me!!! practitioner shares many of the core characteristics of the One True Way-er.

• Both types of practitioner have a lot of anger and blame focused on the people who don’t give them what they want.

  As a result of persistently and consistently misunderstanding “don’t” (as a non-emotive choice to decline) as   “won’t”   (as a deliberate refusal to grant a rightful entitlement), their blame and anger can often manifest as demanding, confrontational, and/or argumentative behaviour.

 

• Both types of practitioner experience feelings of poor self image which are reinforced by other people’s frequent and repeated disinterest.
   
  This can lead to both behaving aggressively as they feel the need to defend against their feelings that “disinterest” (as non-emotive declining to engage) equals   “disdain”   (as deliberately despising and denigrating).

 

• Both types of practitioner are likely to be unwittingly hypocrismical.
   
  This is due to their impaired ability to empathise, and therefore discern and distinguish similarities between that which they object to, and their own specific behaviours and responses in different contexts.

 
 
Failing To Make Logical Connections
 
Both the One True Way and the do me!!! practitioner consistently fail to make meaningful connections between behaviours and responses. This includes an inability to observe logical relationships between certain emotive responses and behaviours, such as:

• the practitioners’ own behaviours, and similar ones perpetrated by others
• other people’s behaviours, and behaviours which the practitioners perpetrate
• other people’s responses to the practitioners’ behaviour, and the practitioners’ similar responses to other people’s behaviour
• the practitioners’ emotive responses towards others, and how the practitioners similarly evoke those emotive responses in others
• behaviours from others to which the practitioners respond emotively, and the practitioners’ own behaviours to which other people respond emotively

Essentially, both the One True Way and the do me!!! practitioner consistently fail to notice logical connections between behaviours (no matter who perpetrates them) and emotive responses (no matter who exhibits them).
 
 
Some More About Persistence With Ineffective Methods
 
Both types of practitioner resolutely persist in employing their ineffective methods. In varying degrees, the following are reasons which may account for this behaviour.

• acknowledgement that changes are necessary is the first step towards personal motivation to make changes. Without that first acknowledgement, there is simply no desire for change
• in order to modify or replace their methods to make them more effective, the practitioners would have to first acknowledge that their methods are, in fact, ineffective (or failing)
• both types of practitioners have invested emotionally heavily in their trusted methods, in part because of a profound fear that revealing any failing on the part of the methods might also reveal failings on the part of the practitioners
• the fear of revealing their own failings is built on a terror of being assessed by others as worthless, and therefore being treated and discarded as worthless
• both types of practitioner have made very strong connections in their minds between their methods failing ==> them failing ==> being assessed by others as worthless ==> being discarded as worthless ==> terror.
  So, method failure ==> discarded as worthless ==> terror.
  And therefore in their minds
  acknowledgement of method failure = terror.
• for many practitioners, the mental connections between these elements are so strong, and the terror of being discarded as worthless is so intense, that the practitioners are literally unable to consciously acknowledge any method failure.

 
 

• in a choice between protecting themselves from invoking a terror of being discarded as worthless, and learning effective methods and how to use them, most people choose to protect themselves.
   
  This terror is most usually avoided by entirely and completely disregarding any and all information which might lead to any acknowledgement that their trusted methods are ineffective. This choice is always made subconsciously.

 

• whilst consciously aware of significant emotional discomfort, both practitioners’ unconsciously exhibit
  • self absorption in their misery and terror
  • obliviousness to their impairing misery and terror
  • unconsidered and unsupported faith (built on fear) in their trusted methods

  These attitudes combine to preclude both practitioners’ ability to acknowledge that their methods are not achieving their desired outcomes, and thus impairs their ability to modify their approach to achieve more desireable outcomes.

 
Thus the core elements motivating both types of practitioner are very similar. The two types of practitioner appear to differ only in their style of expressing those elements.
 
 

Recognising The “DO ME!!!” Dominant Practitioner

 
One type of do me!!! practitioner who definitely has a huge chunk of the One True Way-er in him, is the do me!!! dominant.

Although most of the do me!!! practitioners I’ve encountered in the BDSM world would identify as submissive, I have also encountered my fair share of do me!!! practitioners who identify as dominant.

The do me!!! dominant most usually assumes the submission and consent of a submissive prior to any negotiation, consent, or submission ever being given.

The do me!!! dominant only differs from the do me!!! submissive in that he calls himself a dominant and (usually) seeks out people who identify as submissive. His social skills, as compared to the do me!!! submissive’s, are equally poor and his quest for partners is usually just as spectacularly unfruitful.

The do me!!! dominant normally de-humanises and objectifies the people he solicits as sources of his do me!!! satisfaction, and not as living, breathing human beings separate and different to him. He erroneously assumes that the people he solicits already desire to serve and indulge his personal wants, needs, and desires, and so he behaves as if that assumption were already established fact.

Because the do me!!! dominant has not negotiated consent, has therefore not been given consent, and consequently does not seek to negotiate consent, he is unfortunately likely to be abusive as a result. The do me!!! dominant does not normally recognise “no” as something which he must immediately and always respect. He will often respond as if “no” = “not right now”. He will often try to negotiate “no”, which normally discourages submissives from further interactions with him.

The do me!!! dominant’s self absorption often leads to his failure to understand why the submissives he solicits lack any interest in him or his list of erotic desires.

The do me!!! dominant’s self absorption also leads to his own inability to recognise his own failure to generate appropriate empathic interest in the desires, wants and needs of any submissive he solicits. (see hypocrism)

The do me!!! dominant’s failure to empathise often leads to his blaming and accusing his disinterested targets as “not being real submissives“.

Like any do me!!! practitioner, the do me!!! dominant is likely to request or demand explanations for your disinterest in him. Despite his expressed interests in explanations, actually explaining your reasons to the do me!!! dominant is usually as much a waste of time as it is to do for the do me!!! submissive, and for similar reasons. The do me!!! dominant does have that same irritating tendency to dismiss any and all explanations out of hand as being wrong and irrelevant.

The do me!!! dominant is often misogynistic, and frequently targets women identifying as dominant. He has apparently concluded that women who think they are dominant are simply misguided. His reasons for thinking this can include the strange logic of “it just isn’t possible for women to be dominant”. He tends to regard disinterest from dominant women as further evidence of their misguided and uninformed attitudes. (see hypocrism [again])
 
 

Risks And The “Rescue Me!” Flavoured “DO ME!!!” Practitioner

 
Do me!!! practitioners are desperate for the time, attention, focus, and validation of the people they seek, and are too emotionally under-resourced to be able to fulfill this need themselves with productive social intercourse. As a result of all this (and more), do me!!! practitioners are especially vulnerable to financial predators who use emotional focus as bait, such as profit princesses or hypno-dommes.

So if you’ve heard about or know of any person who has had trouble in the past or is currently in trouble now with financial predators, then there is a good chance that he is a do me!!! practitioner, and an even better chance that he is a do me!!! submissive.

Some do me!!! practitioners, as part of their desperate search for time, attention, focus, and validation, have a serious craving for being rescued. A do me!!! practitioner can often deliberately seek out self-destructive situations in the hopes that somebody nice will rescue him.
 
(and possibly fall in love with him.   Unrealistic?   Yes.   Try telling him that)
 
The do me!!! practitioner is almost never conscious of the motivations behind his behaviour. If he were, he would be a manipulator, and the only manipulating do me!!! practitioners characteristically do is ineffectual attempts to get people to engage with them, and therein gain the time, focus, and attention of the people they solicit. So of all the things which they characteristically   are,   do me!!! practitioners are not normally manipulators.   The fact is, they just aren’t usually aware enough of their own motivations to be able to effectively manipulate others, even if they wanted to. This very likely increases their vulnerability to the more successful manipulators such as the profit princess and the hypno-domme.

Now, along with those do me!!! practitioners who are “rescue me!” flavoured, some other people are complementarily “rescuer” flavoured. Those are the people that the “rescue me!” flavoured do me!!! practitioners are particularly hoping to find. Sometimes a do me!!! practitioner will mention a potentially self-destructive situation they are deliberately planning to get into, as a way of finding out if they have found a “rescuer”. If the “rescuer” flavoured person offers a receptively rescue-y-type response, then the do me!!! practitioner will know he’s on to a winner, and will latch on like glue.

Sometimes a do me!!! practitioner will volunteer information about how he was unhealthily hooked on some predator, sent them all his money, went broke, but now he’s so glad he’s gotten out of it because he really hated what it was doing to him. And then he may just let slip, right at the end of a conversation, the tiny little detail that he’s recently been going back to the predator “just a little, so I can control it”.

The kind of response which the do me!!! practitioner seeks from the “rescuer” in that predator situation is something like “Nooooooo!!! Don’t do it!!”

If you happen to be “rescuer” flavoured, I would advise avoiding allowing yourself to engage in interactions of this nature. Even if you feel intense “rescuer” responses to these do me!!! practitioners, believe me, I’ve been there before and it’s a pointless, fruitless,   bad   place to be. The do me!!! practitioners apparently lack any interest in responding to the “rescuer” personally. I think they just want to be the focus of the time and attention of some “rescuer” – possibly one whom they can imagine about (and probably wank to).

So the maximum participation I will ever do in that kind of scenario is to ask “Why are you telling me this?” And even then, I never get a really satisfactory answer. So I expect I’ll dump even that response, and in future I will most likely just quietly cease to engage in such interactions.
 
 

Phew

 
Thank you for reading all my stuff about the do me!!! practitioner. It was an interesting exercise, and I stumbled upon quite a few connections between the do me!!! practitioner and other behaviours which I hadn’t clarified in my mind before. So in that respect I found the whole thing more than a little bit rewarding.

Having said that, I found this a difficult post to construct, as the whole topic just felt so tiresome a lot of the time. But I also felt it was important, as I haven’t seen a really definitive description of the do me!!! practitioner anywhere else. I’d been wanting one to link to, and now I have one!

I hope you found it a bucketload more interesting to read than kvetch found it when I tested out sections of it on him about ten thousand times.   ;)

I’m going to have a drink now, and possibly a snack. I feel I earnt it.   :D