Conversation Log – How To Find A Pro Dom

http://www.sub-dom.com/prodomme.htm

This page was available to link to, but has since disappeared. So I am making it available here.

I posted this log so I could link to it here from this post, as the former link was broken.

Lubyanka.

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The following interview with max, a European submissive man, took place online earlier this year. I have known max for a long time and we have met, face to face. His private life is such that his need to submit is not met on an everyday basis. He shares the same reality as thousands of male submissives, – one of the few options they have to fullfil their dreams is to get in touch with Pro Dommes.

There are hundreds of sites promoting Pro Dommes on the net, rarely do we get any insight about how a submissive man actually gets hold of a GOOD Pro Domme, – and how he negotiates the scenes in advance.

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by missyM
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The interview is in an “online form”, the editions made is only to “de-personlize” it, – and to make it more readable. The words are max’s.

submit!: To get straght to the point! How on earth do you manage to negotiate those scenes? I think some of the things must have a surprse element… but?

max: how on earth ? … *LOL* … practice, practice and practice …

submit!: LOL

max: Actually there is always a element of surprise … without it would be no fun at all …I do NOT negotiate sessions ..

max: so shall we just take it from the start ?

submit!: Thank you! And yes, I have got time!

max: Okay, first of all I do check out a Domme pretty carefully … as much as one can do …

submit!: How?

max: well, first of all I use the net …

submit!: Yes, I would imagine! *lol*

max: checking her website … after a while you can judge what is behind words written out on a website … you notice certain differences …I cannot explain how though . Then I try to find info about that Domme …. there are a few sites out … e.g. Max Fisch … he has the most comrehaensive domme guide on the net …

submit!: ah!

max: 100reds of pro and non pro (ok a few non pro) dommes He also operates a forum where people post domme reviews. I do not really relly on such info … it is just … ‘additional’ ….

submit!: Have you ever been disappointed?

max: Oh yes … but still it happens rather rarely … let’s say in more than 20 years perhaps only 2 to 3 times …

submit!: That is in a way to be expected. I guess even the best Domme can have a bad day?

max: In fact in my ‘early’ days I used to go for short 1 hour type sessions … there is not much a domme can do wrong …

submit!: Hmm… yes, I see what you mean.

max: No, I don;t think so … I mean if she has a bad day it still can be fun … if she is indeed a good domme …

max: bad dommes have bad days always …

submit!: *LOL*

max: Okay .. now another thing is that some places and dommes have a well know reputation … so again …. I look for those …

max: eample … when in Sydney … the salon kitty is really known all over the places …It is a big bdsm house …. usually at least 5 to 6 dommes there at the time … over 20 all in all. This is much safer in that you get your money’s worth, than visiting a single Pro Domme.

submit!: wow! And I thought Australia had strickt rules about BDSM

max: Australia? …. *LOL* …

submit!: see.. thats how much I know! *LOL*

max: not at all … well laws perhaps … but othrewise not at all …

max: Another factor is also the dommes playspace …

submit!: Ahh.. of course!

max: If it is small (you can often see pic on the net) it may mean she is not investing in her ‘business’ and such a place is usually not of much interest.

max: Let me tell you how I found my last couple of Pro dommes …

submit!: yes, please! :)

max: in SF (my first and only time with a prodomme there) I’ve looked around the net … but not really noticed a particular domme. When I was there I bought a newsppaper … a special one. .. available in all places. I go through the adds … some catch my eyes because of their style … others because I recall their name from the net. Then I called up about three or four of them. After a few sentences you can already tell much about the person and the business. Some sound just like … “yes, thank you for calling … our charge is USD” …. and so on and so on… In those instances I make the call very short.

submit!: Is it expensive?

max: depends … in the US I still think it is reasonable …

max: In SF (have you read about my session with damn it whats her name … Madame xxx)

submit!: LOL I have read Hmm… 3 of your scenes.. I think.

max: I paid her 300 USD she asked for 250 … for over three hours … if I recall correctly … or 2 1/2 or so … anyhow … she took much more time than we agreed originally …
That is not all too bad!

max: okay … back to SF … in fact I am talking about how I ended up with xx (she is well known, and you can read quotes of her for example in “different Loving’)
Well, finally I had a short list of three I wanted to call before giving up. I had tried to call them previously, but none took the phone or it was busy …

max: Ms yy .. surely you have heard of her … famous for her japanese rope skills … the others zzz … the add and her website attraqcted me … and Madame xxx.

submit!: yes, and….

max: I started with Ms yy … we talked for 5 to 8 minutes … smalltalk first … and then about some of my experiences … what I have done before and what I would like to do. Now … one of my general rule is that I never set a script for a session …

submit!: You like an element of surprise…

max: I explain my limts … which are indeed few .. no blood … no needles … senitive nipples … and . .. well … whining … *LOL* … I usually start to whine even long before it hurts … *LOL* This often breaks the ice … *smile* … though I am not making it up … it is simply true …

submit!: *lol* I would imagine. You whimp you!

max: so she explained to me what she loves to do … and offered me to come late evening … now that was not convenient …
So I called Ms yy … she has been on her handphone in the car … we talked. .. polite nicely .. sweet talk … you know .. my kind of online talk … *LOL*

submit!: *lol*

max: we talked for about 15 minutes or so … all kinds of things … BDSM related … 2 minutes about what my limits are … 3 minutes about my fanasies … the rest just what would be nice to do eventually … and whether it would turn me on … my reply … only suggestion which do you turn on to in your role as Domme …

max: so … fianally … she told me she cannot help me as she has no time available all day … but she referred me to Madame xxx

submit!: :) Ahh.. now that is a good refereance!

max: I had a short talk over the phone … went there …. and had a hell of a time. So easy …

max: But the funniest thing when I chose a domme happend last year in Janaury … I went to Germany …

submit!: Yes, – and??

max: and I checked out the net … I found one place… unfortunately their website which was rather comprehensive is now gone … only a small add out there. Well, the advertised 500sqm of playspace … and described things really in detail … I found an email adress … Then another day … just before I contacted her that I found coincidentially a site talking about a BDSM cafe in Canada … and it turned out we had mutual friends, and in Germany.

submit!: that IS strange! It is a small world!!!

max: so when I got in contact with her … I had execllent references and broke the ice with first contact … Really, it is not that difficult … yes you need a bit of luck … but as I said in the beginning of our talk … practice, practice and practice …

max: you asked me about the cost … well it really depends … A short session as I did them years ago … in Europe, 5 years ago was about 120 USD to 150 … today it can be as much as 400USD …

submit!: *wow* Quite much!

max: in the US it is betwen 150 to 200 …. And I found that the real good dommes charge actually a much more fairer amount. But I do not go for the short time stuff anynmore… I’d rather have only once or two sessions a year and for longer periods of time. Last year I spent 48 hrs with the one from Canada in Germany. In Sydney the session was nearly 4 hours …

submit!: I can understand that longer sessions they give you more value.

max: but I do understand the reasons for the prices. and I hardly bargain about the price … actually never do … either I leave it and no business or I pay what is asked for .. Some dommes do really invest in their playspace … and hygene.

submit!: I guess that is a MUST, the hygiene investments, I mean?

max: Oh … you can see that quickly …. whether everyting is clean and cleaned or not … But in really top places that is not an issue … do not forget they do make a living form that …they cannot afford to go out of business because the hygienic environment is not good … It is also for me important whether or not I feel the Mistress is really a lifestyle one … if not … forget it …

submit!: I do understand that. And hopefully they also enjoy what they are doing, and want it to be nice.

max: again I not set scripts for the session … sometimes we discuss for amoment some recent fantasy dreams or so … but that is all …

max: oh btw that how the puppy thing in Sydney came up … I just mentioned a bit of humilaition and puppy dog … and here we went …

submit!: * LOL*

max: creativity is what one must look for …

submit!: and you were phsycologically “unprepared” for what was coming….

max: no … not metally it was …

max: it was just the damned shit I was kneeling in …

submit!: I think I would have died. :) I am much too shy I guess! *g*

max: just like a real ….. animal … drity animal …. and then the garden hose makes you feel jsut the same … dirty animal ..

max: I would have perhaps too 15 years ago … *LOL* …

submit!: I would have felt it more than hummiliation, I think. Close or if not pure hmm.. degradation…

max: at the time it was… and there have been comments of those other dommes around … I think I really blushed … and cursed … but believe it or not … it was a turn on … definately it was …

submit!: *LOL*

max: but then … I am a pervert … and I have not seen many perverts around in our little corner of cyberspace. … like me .. and my slave brother dr b … he likely beats me to it ….*LOL* …

submit!: *LOL*.. but after a scene like that, does the Domme take time to talk about it? Or is it simply bye, nice to have met you??

max: Yes … good dommes do that … most dommes I played with the past years did so … Like Madame xx … she made me kneeling down after she released me from my bondage at the end of the session … She asked me close my eys and just to go through the scene like watching the video of it … silently …And after I did that I had to tell her three things I enjoyed most .. and explain why … and one thing I di not like …

submit!: Sounds very smart. She will have an immediate feedback, and you can pinpoint what was OK and what was not..

max: Feedback for her may be one thing … she just ensures you have time to mentally deal with any parts of it … and if necessary she can help you should you see things ‘differently’ than she thought you may experience them …

submit!: Did the Domme in Germany do the same thing? I would imagine that you might have needed a “wind down”

max: The first time when I was there 48 hours we had several hours in between play … so not really no play … but relaxed atmosphere … I remember being in a cage for about 2 hours … she sitting on a chair outside with a slave girl and I basically did all the talking about many stories I could tell from other sessions … and the hours of play with her earlier …and at the end of the 48 hours … we sat over a drink and discussed for 1/2 hour my and her feelings …

submit!: :)

max: seldom though that the domme shared her turn-ons …

submit!: How did your last Domme feel about the session???

max: Well after last year she knew me a bit … she enjoyed it … Although she tells me she is still far to gentle with me … :)

submit!: WHAT?? *lol* Far to gentle???

max: she knows how soon I start to whine … *LOL* …

submit!: Oh… *LOL*

max: oh one more important thing … another ice breaker … 3 or so ago years I I started to make it a habbit not to ring the doorbell without a bunch of flowers or similar gift in my hand … That works wonders …Afterall … the are female ….. *grin* ….

submit!: I would think that a gesture like that would be an ice breaker!

max: this way .. one get always some extra out of the money … *grin* .. Just like life …

submit!: Of course. You already have her attention. You would not be “just another” business…

max: yeah … I hate to be just another …. *LOL* …

submit!: *lol*

max: so you see … it is easy …

max: though I said I had some disappointments … I can recall one about 4 years ago ..

max: I called a mistress I got a recommendadtion for from an aquaitance in fact I knew her from way back early 80ties … I have seen her twice or so before … in those days my demands have been rather simple …
I knew she must be in her fifties by now wehen I called .. but I thought why not … older women can be very attrctive for me … but then … it turned out to be a horrible session … *LOL as I remember …It was me as a sub who guided the domme …. well I stopped after about 30 minutes or so …thanked her and comforted her that it was nothing her fault .. and politely left …

max: Back to work ….

submit!: yeah, and I need to get started around here. *sigh* Leo’s mother will come over some time today, and there are certain things that need to be stached away! *LOL*

max: SLAVE ,,..

submit!: LOL.. yup.. that’s me.. Thank you very much for sharing, max.

max: hugs & ktoc

submit!: bye and big hugs backatcha!

One Response to Conversation Log – How To Find A Pro Dom

  1. Pingback: Submission 101: How A Beginner Submissive Can Attract A Dominant « Lady Lubyanka

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