Handy Tips For Dating Ads

During some updates I’ve been working on, I wanted to link to a men’s guide to creating dating profiles more likely to attract women, and I noticed I didn’t have one!


So here it is, and now I can link to it.   :)   I hope this helps bunches of you to attract lots more prospective partners.

How To Create A Dating Profile – For Men Interested In Women

I know from experience that creating a social dating ad or personal profile on a dating site can be tricky.   I’m not always sure what a prospective partner wants to know, and my prospective partners tend to be unsure about what I want to know.   As a social dater I frequently feel frustrated when a dating profile includes a lot of information I’m not interested in, yet the basic information I’m looking for is missing.  

But the good news is that after having a think about this, I reckon that keeping the following few easy guidelines in mind is very likely to make your ad or profile much more attractive to women.

Stuff To Include

Many dating ads and personal profiles include a lot of off-putting details, yet are often missing one or more  (non-identifiable)  details which prospective partners like me really need to know.   I’d like to see a lot more dating ads and personal profiles with these details included, because they’ll help us determine if you’re who we’re looking for, and will also help us find you much more easily.   So here’s some useful information for includeyness.

About you

  • Your age
  • Your gender
  • Your orientation  (homo/hetero/bi/pan/multisexual)
  • Your desired relationship model  (exclusive monogamy, open, swinging, polyamorous, committed, short/long term, friends with benefits, no strings and so on)
  • Your desired relationship style  (vanilla, BDSM, naturist, couple, triad, and so on)
  • Your desired relationship rôle  (top, bottom, switch, primary, secondary and so on)

About your prospective partner

  • Their age range
  • Their gender
  • Their orientation
  • Their relationship model
  • Their relationship style
  • Their relationship rôle

Social information

  • Social activities you enjoy
  • Social activities you’d like to share
  • Social activities you’re open to
  • Social activities you hope to explore in future
  • Creative interests
  • One image accurately representing what you look like  (not necessarily your face)suitable for public daytime sharing with mixed gender/age work colleagues

And that is literally every single thing you need to fill out a usefully complete social dating ad or personal profile on a dating site.

Now here’s a few extra tips to keep your dating ad or profile as attractive as possible.

Stuff To Omit

Due to the frequent inclusion of extra details which tend to be off-putting to women, here are a few things to leave out.

Definitely Omit

  • Soliciting specific erotic activities  (now is waaayy too soon, wait til later)
  • Soliciting specific physical traits  (if you must specify these, leave the social dating alone and hire a sex worker instead)
  • What you  don’t  want  (these can sound cranky when you want to sound pleasant)
  • Any image which is misleading or unrepresentative of what you look like  (no image is better than a misleading or unrepresentative one)
  • Any image of any part of you which you would ordinarily keep covered in public during daylight hours with mixed gender/age work colleagues

These are important things to omit, so please ensure that you exclude them from your dating ads and personal profiles.

Stuff To Remember

And just to finish off, here’s some handy tips to keep in mind.

Nifty Tips

  • Before doing anything erotic with you, most women want to get to know, like and trust you first.   So  any erotic details can definitely wait til then.
  • You specified your gender, so your prospective partner already knows what body parts you have.   So  always keep images of those private.   If she wants to, she will see them in person soon enough.
  • Rather than focusing on what you don’t want,  focus on what you  do  want.   The tone of that tends to be much more inviting.
  • Contact your prospective partners before 19:00.   The most bizarre and unacceptable social dating contacts I have had were all sent between 21:00 and 07:00.   So ensure you compose and send your initial messages in the daytime.

That’s it!   Good luck.   :)

About Lady Lubyanka

I am a 45 year old musician, and also a multisexual, polyamourous, Jewish, socially dominant woman within my romantic BDSM relationships.
This entry was posted in BDSM dating, correspondence, Human Beingness 101, inclusion, Psychology, Respect. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Handy Tips For Dating Ads

  1. Ashura says:

    Interesting… Came upon this form a post of you in a poly fetlife group. Thanks for writing this :)

    As someone curious about but not really into BDSM, can you explain the difference between relationship model and relationship style? I assume model covers what kind of “space” you have open for a partners, and how exclusive that is. But how does for example “vanilla” differ from “couple”?

    I’m also curious to what kind of websites in mind you wrote this article… Are they only for so-called “casual” dating sites or also more mainstream (lifelong) sites?


    • Hello Ashura, I’m glad you liked the guide. :)

      Now for your questions:
      You’re right about availability for partners. When I think of ‘relationship model’ I think of a kind of structure (which can include how much availability there is for other partners), and when I think of ‘relationship style’ I think of individual variations within a given structure.

      So for example a relationship model could be polyamory or marriage and the relationship style could be BDSM d/s and/or naturist. Naturism isn’t a relationship model but marriage is, do you see?

      And ‘vanilla’ differs from ‘couple’ in huge numbers of ways, not the least of which is that ‘couple’ is a romantic relationship with two people, and ‘vanilla‘ is a term normally used to refer to the more ‘mainstream’ practices.

      Many participants in open relationships may also consider themselves to be ‘vanilla’, since ‘vanilla’ applies to much more than just the number of partners. Open relationships can include more groupings than simply ‘coupling’, and those groups can also feature varieties of vanilla, BDSM, naturism and so on.

      As for what kind of dating site did I have in mind for this guide? I think this simple little guide works well for any kind dating site I can think of. In my experience, human beings seeking partners are mostly interested in the same kinds of information, only the answers vary. I’ve got all the most basic relevant information covered, and any part of this guide can omitted or expanded at any individual author’s discretion.

      Regardless of what kind of relationship somebody is looking for, most people new to dating sites omit important information from their profiles, and I think a guide like this can serve as a useful reminder to people wondering what they forgot to include.

  2. Pingback: BDSM Dating – The Rant | Lady Lubyanka

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