On one day last weekend I more or less hid shivering in a bucket for about four hours. But in the end all my shivery hidey efforts were for nothing since I was discovered just about as soon as I de-bucketed.
Or maybe it didn’t turn out to be a total waste of time, because whilst I hid shivering in my buckety closet-substitute, I thought to myself:
- “This is ridiculous! I don’t like hiding shivering in buckets! I’ve had enough of this shit. That’s it, as soon as this weekend is over I’m outing myself on my blog. This is totally absurd, enough is enough.”
So as a direct result of that experience, here I am outing myself. Ok, here comes the outedness. Are you ready?
You may remember way back in 2007 I published a post called Rubber Chicken Weekend, about a party weekend with Irving. In that post, I included a photograph of some more fun with Irving.
If you examine the lower far left side of the photograph, you’ll see that I fudged some stuff out to conceal my secret thing.
So what’s my secret thing?
- I’m a member of a fun, anarchic, worldwide social group
- Members meet, eat, drink, talk, and regularly get silly together at events
- Members and non-members alike are all welcome at most events
- Nearly every kind of person you can imagine is a member
- Members have been open minded to me and others with no fanfare
- Lots of people assume yucky stuff about us just cos we’re members
- Many members have experienced prejudice solely for our membership
- Most preconceptions about us are unpleasant and wrong
- I enjoy member events tremendously
Yes, I know that lots of social groups fit that description, including some scary religious ones. So what’s special about my secret thing?
My secret thing is …
(maybe there was no fanfare before, but now there’s one just for my outingness)
The reason this has been my secret thing instead of my everybody-knows-it thing is because when I’ve told people I’m a Mensan, about 8 out of 10 of them have given me some sort of shit about it. Honestly, I’ve been closeted [bucketed] for so long because people have given me more shit for being a Mensan than for all my other diversity stuff combined.
- (unless you count that one time somebody held a gun to my head just because I was Jewish, but that was just one drunk nutcase and an entirely separate story)
Even people who claim to be most open-minded, the second I disclose that I’m a Mensan they end up snapping shut like one of those spring-loaded steel traps, and quicker than you can say “anger management issues”, they’re dumping their preconceived bigoted shit all over me. So I’ve kept the Mensa thing to myself, mostly.
So what happened for me to change my mind and get all outed and everything?
Well, it just so happens that the people who have given me by far the most shit about being a Mensan have been (surprise, surprise) BDSM community members. I mean, you all know by now about our local BDSM community and their
outrageous arsewipeness habitual exclusion, persistent harassment, and double standards.
So I am especially averse to being outed as a Mensan to those scumbuckets, because I don’t want to make targeting me any more convenient for them. But last weekend I was in a bit of a tizzy because at least one member of the BDSM community happened to become somewhat juxtaposed with Mensa in a ships-passing-in-the-night kind of way. And due to my previous experiences with the BDSM community’s harassment and abuse, pretty much the only reason I hid shivering in a bucket that day was because of that chance juxtaposition of the BDSM community with Mensa.
So instead of waiting around after the weekend for somebody to out me to the BDSM community in Ireland, I changed my mind about staying in the bucket and decided to out myself.
So last weekend was IMAG, the Irish Mensa Annual Gathering, and the ships-passing-in-the-night thing was that at least one BDSM community member had been booked to give a talk about kink at it. Because I was actually fairly frightened of being outed to the arsewipes, I didn’t go to the talk, I didn’t ask who was giving it, I stayed as far away from it as possible for as long as possible, I concealed my IMAG name tag in my pocket (breaking the plastic cover in the process), and I waited until long after the talk was over before I de-bucketed to resume my public minglyness.
I noticed fairly rapidly during my personal bucket time that shivering in a bucket is waaaayyyyyy overrated. (hence this post of self-outedness)
Have you ever noticed that sometimes the harder you try to avoid something, the more likely it is to bite you in the arse? And wouldn’t you know that somebody who’d attended the talk waylaid the BDSM community member afterwards for an incredibly lengthy discussion? So naturally the BDSM community member was still there when I de-bucketed, and all my shivered bucketness went flying out the window when that same BDSM community member walked straight towards me like the bucket had never even been invented.
What a waste of effort and panic! (hence this post of self-outedness)
Now, I am extraordinarily grateful that the person who gave the talk turned out to be somebody who has never to my knowledge ever done anything to my detriment, whom I like a lot, who promised to keep my Mensa secret, and whom I totally believe will keep that promise. But still, I’m outing myself anyhow because hiding shivering in a bucket for those 4 hours really, really sucked! (hence this post of self-outedness)
Are we noticing a theme here yet?
- So, yes, outed myself as a Mensan – check.
- Outed all by myself with no unsolicited assistance – check.
- Outed myself on this here blog of mine – check.
So what’s left? Well, there’s just a teensy weensy thing left for me to uncover before I’m done.
Understanding the context of this last wee thing requires a bit of background information about the Mensa logo. See, the usual Mensa logo is a square with rounded corners, as you can see from the British Mensa website.
However, in 2006 Mensa introduced a new variant of the logo just for that one year, because Mensa were celebrating the 60th anniversary of the founding of the society. So for that one year only the society featured a special diamond-shaped logo.
Copyright © 1995-2010, British Mensa Limited. The Mblem logo is a Registered Trade Mark of Mensa International Limited. Mensa retain the Copyright for all text and graphics including the Mensa Mblem logo.
Now, you may be wondering where I’m going with this. Well, I have a tattoo which I hardly show anybody. Keeping it hidden kind of takes a lot of the fun out of having a tattoo, but still, I know it’s there. And now I’m showing it to you because based on what you now know, you may find it just the teensiest bit familiar. This is a close-up of the tattoo.
Now, I have a bloggy etiquette question. Is it considered in poor taste for a blogger to use a whole entire post just as a lead-up to show off their own arse? Because to be perfectly honest, all this explanitoriness was just a big build-up to showing you my arse. Does that make me a bad person?
But what I also want to know is, did I catch you unawares? Didja guess that my arse was the final destination? Was it all just the hugest juiciest surprise? Please say it was! :)
Does my arse look big enough in this?
Right so, now I’m out. Anybody who has any bullshit ideas about this can fuck off and rant about them elsewhere. I’m a member of Mensa. You’ve seen my arse. Everybody knows. It’s yesterday’s news.
I’m a Mensan, and I enjoy the shit out of it. So there. :)
Plus, now that you’ve seen my arse, I can go ahead and show it to everybody. Bonus! :D
- All right now, right now, reel those rubber necks in lads, the show’s over, there’s nothing to see here, no more arses, carry on now, keep it moving.