On one day last weekend I more or less hid shivering in a bucket for about four hours.   But in the end all my shivery hidey efforts were for nothing since I was discovered just about as soon as I de-bucketed.

So that turned out to be a total waste of time.
A bucket - for the purposes of illustrating hiding shivering in a bucket.

A Bucket.

Or maybe it didn’t turn out to be a  total  waste of time, because whilst I hid shivering in my buckety closet-substitute, I thought to myself:

    “This is ridiculous!   I don’t like hiding shivering in buckets!   I’ve had enough of this shit.   That’s it, as soon as this weekend is over I’m outing myself on my blog.   This is totally absurd, enough is enough.”

So as a direct result of that experience, here I am outing myself.   Ok, here comes the outedness.   Are you ready?


You may remember way back in 2007 I published a post called Rubber Chicken Weekend, about a party weekend with Irving.   In that post, I included a photograph of some more fun with Irving.
More fun with Irving
If you examine the lower far left side of the photograph, you’ll see that I fudged some stuff out to conceal my secret thing.

So what’s my secret thing?

  • I’m a member of a fun, anarchic, worldwide social group
  • Members meet, eat, drink, talk, and regularly get silly together at events
  • Members and non-members alike are all welcome at most events
  • Nearly every kind of person you can imagine is a member
  • Members have been open minded to me and others with no fanfare
  • Lots of people assume yucky stuff about us just cos we’re members
  • Many members have experienced prejudice solely for our membership
  • Most preconceptions about us are unpleasant and wrong
  • I enjoy member events tremendously

Yes, I know that lots of social groups fit that description, including some scary religious ones.   So what’s special about  my  secret thing?

My secret thing is …

(maybe there was no fanfare before, but now there’s one just for my outingness)

Mensa and Mensans - We're Normal (ish)

I’m a Mensan, that is,  I am a member of Mensa.

Here is an un-fudged-out version of my Rubber Chicken Weekend ‘Fun with Irving’ photo, with a wider view to show now what I was concealing then.
Outness - IMAG Mensa gathering with Irving 2007

tah daaaahhhh!



So Why Was I Bucketed?

The reason this has been my secret thing instead of my everybody-knows-it thing is because when I’ve told people I’m a Mensan, about 8 out of 10 of them have given me some sort of shit about it.   Honestly, I’ve been closeted  [bucketed]  for so long because people have given me more shit for being a Mensan than for  all  my other diversity stuff  combined.

    (unless you count that one time somebody held a gun to my head just because I was Jewish, but that was just one drunk nutcase and an entirely separate story)

Even people who claim to be most open-minded, the second I disclose that I’m a Mensan they end up snapping shut like one of those spring-loaded steel traps, and quicker than you can say  “anger management issues”,  they’re dumping their preconceived bigoted shit all over me.   So I’ve kept the Mensa thing to myself, mostly.

So what happened for me to change my mind and get all outed and everything?

Well, it just so happens that the people who have given me by far the most shit about being a Mensan have been  (surprise, surprise)  BDSM community members.   I mean, you all know by now about our local BDSM community and their outrageous arsewipeness habitual exclusion, persistent harassment, and double standards.

So I am especially averse to being outed as a Mensan to those scumbuckets, because I don’t want to make targeting me any more convenient for them.   But last weekend I was in a bit of a tizzy because at least one member of the BDSM community happened to become somewhat juxtaposed with Mensa in a ships-passing-in-the-night kind of way.   And due to my previous experiences with the BDSM community’s harassment and abuse, pretty much the  only  reason I hid shivering in a bucket that day was because of that chance juxtaposition of the BDSM community with Mensa.

So instead of waiting around after the weekend for somebody to out me to the BDSM community in Ireland, I changed my mind about staying in the bucket and decided to out myself.

Changing My Mind About Being Bucketed

So last weekend was IMAG, the Irish Mensa Annual Gathering, and the ships-passing-in-the-night thing was that at least one BDSM community member had been booked to give a talk about kink at it.   Because I was actually fairly frightened of being outed to the arsewipes, I didn’t go to the talk, I didn’t ask who was giving it, I stayed as far away from it as possible for as long as possible, I concealed my IMAG name tag in my pocket  (breaking the plastic cover in the process),  and I waited until long after the talk was over before I de-bucketed to resume my public minglyness.

I noticed fairly rapidly during my personal bucket time that shivering in a bucket is  waaaayyyyyy  overrated.   (hence this post of self-outedness)

Have you ever noticed that sometimes the harder you try to avoid something, the more likely it is to bite you in the arse?   And wouldn’t you know that somebody who’d attended the talk waylaid the BDSM community member afterwards for an incredibly lengthy discussion?   So naturally the BDSM community member was still there when I de-bucketed, and all my shivered bucketness went flying out the window when that same BDSM community member walked straight towards me like the bucket had never even been invented.

What a waste of effort and panic!   (hence this post of self-outedness)

Now, I am extraordinarily grateful that the person who gave the talk turned out to be somebody who has never to my knowledge ever done anything to my detriment, whom I like a lot, who promised to keep my Mensa secret, and whom I totally believe will keep that promise.   But still, I’m outing myself anyhow because hiding shivering in a bucket for those 4 hours really,  really  sucked!   (hence this post of self-outedness)  

Are we noticing a theme here yet?

  • So, yes, outed myself as a Mensan  –  check.
  • Outed all by myself with no unsolicited assistance  –  check.
  • Outed myself on this here blog of mine  –  check.

So what’s left?   Well, there’s just a teensy weensy thing left for me to uncover before I’m done.

My Self-Outedness – And Finally …

Understanding the context of this last wee thing requires a bit of background information about the Mensa logo.   See, the usual Mensa logo is a square with rounded corners, as you can see from the British Mensa website.
Traditional Mensa Logo - 3D Variant

One variant of the traditional Mensa logo.

However, in 2006 Mensa introduced a new variant of the logo just for that one year, because Mensa were celebrating the 60th anniversary of the founding of the society.   So for that one year only the society featured a special diamond-shaped logo.
Mensa Diamond Logo 2006

An example of Mensa’s 60th Anniversary Diamond logo.

Copyright © 1995-2010, British Mensa Limited. The Mblem logo is a Registered Trade Mark of Mensa International Limited. Mensa retain the Copyright for all text and graphics including the Mensa Mblem logo.

Now, you may be wondering where I’m going with this.   Well, I have a tattoo which I hardly show anybody.   Keeping it hidden kind of takes a lot of the fun out of having a tattoo, but still, I know it’s there.   And now I’m showing it to you because based on what you now know, you may find it just the teensiest bit familiar.   This is a close-up of the tattoo.

(I’m ready for my close-up Mr DeMille)

Mensa Diamond Tattoo - Close-Up

Can you see me?   Am I in the light?   And hey, check out my big freckle!

Now, I have a bloggy etiquette question.   Is it considered in poor taste for a blogger to use a whole entire post just as a lead-up to show off their own arse?   Because to be perfectly honest, all this explanitoriness was just a big build-up to showing you my arse.   Does that make me a bad person?

But what I also want to know is, did I catch you unawares?   Didja guess that my arse was the final destination?   Was it all just the hugest juiciest surprise?   Please say it was!   :)

So anyhow, whether you were surprised or whether I’m the big evil for using my blog to pimp my arse at you, here’s my arse, featuring the diamond logo in situ.
Mensa Diamond Tattoo - My Arse

My arse, with the 60th anniversary diamond Mensa logo tattooed on it.
Does my arse look big enough in this?


Ok, I’m Out Now

Right so, now I’m out.   Anybody who has any bullshit ideas about this can fuck off and rant about them elsewhere.   I’m a member of Mensa.   You’ve seen my arse.   Everybody knows.   It’s yesterday’s news.

I’m a Mensan, and I enjoy the shit out of it.   So there.   :)

Plus, now that you’ve seen my arse, I can go ahead and show it to everybody.   Bonus!   :D

    All right now, right now, reel those rubber necks in lads, the show’s over, there’s nothing to see here, no more arses, carry on now, keep it moving.


About Lady Lubyanka

I am a 45 year old musician, and also a multisexual, polyamourous, Jewish, socially dominant woman within my romantic BDSM relationships.
This entry was posted in inclusion, Me Me Me Me Me, Psychology, Respect, Safety, Validation. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Outedness

  1. On 07 May 2010 at 23:47:52 IST, Ian wrote:
    “Freaking bloody brilliant! Hadders informed the world that you had a tattoo with implications of where it was but not what it was. I assumed it was the usual kind of arse-butterfly”

    Why would he say I have a tattoo but not where or what? It’s not like I was strictly guarding my secret arse tattoo from other Mensans. Everybody saw it at Nottingham and I’ve shown it at IMAGs, First Thursdays, Eating Meetings, and pretty much any Mensa event I’ve attended. I’m pretty sure I’ve shown it in your company. So I don’t know what that was about.

    Look, here’s a great photo kvetch took of me showing everybody at Nottingham.

    Showing my arse to other Mensans at the Diamond anniversary BMAG at Nottingham, 1 October 2006.

  2. Tom Allen says:

    Is it considered in poor taste for a blogger to use a whole entire post just as a lead-up to show off their own arse?

    Are you kidding me? Hell, my whole freakin’ *blog* is pretty much a lead-in to showing off my ass. Or shoulders. Or whatever the hell I happen to think is worth using for my own ego-gratification at the moment.

    So, I’m just going to enjoy the view from here for a bit, including the bonus view of corsety goodness above for a while.

    BTW, about 25 years ago, I took a Mensa pre-qualifying test (or something of the sort) and as a result, I decided I would contract them (This was pre-internet days). I happened to announce this in a class I was taking, and the amount of crap that I heard was un-freakin’-believable. I heard about it for weeks afterward, and Eris forbid if I made a mistake in class. “Oooh, and I thought you were supposed to be a geee-nius…”

    I have long suspected that society in general has a tendency to try to keep its members within a certain, small average deviation, and anything else is discouraged by derision.

    • Heh, I must admit I was partly thinking of you when I posed that question. :)

      (or maybe that would have been better put ‘thinking of parts of you’ :P )

      Thank you for sharing your experiences with other people’s response to Mensa. Being bucketed about that one thing when I’m for the most part an ‘out’ person has been tough, and I’m reassured (if disappointed) to hear that I’m not alone.

      I think you’re right about the limited acceptable range of difference, and discouragement for anything outside those limits. Although I acknowledge that my perception may possibly be coloured by my personal bias, in my experience I think that idiocy generally gets more allowances than brilliance.

      Enjoy the views. :)

  3. Tom Allen says:

    You know, I realized that I responded to the visual part of this post ( the ass and the aforementioned corsety goodness) but overlooked the bucket part.

    It wasn’t intentional, it’s just that I got sidetracked :-)

    I haven’t had any situations quite that close to home, but I do often wonder if sex bloggers and people in the alternative sexuality community suffer some kind of mental stress on a regular basis from the double lives that they lead. I know that a lot of blogs simply close up when the writer thinks that they have been compromised. I have no idea what people in the club scenes, etc., do when they think somebody could out them.

    • I am absolutely sure that double lives are extremely stressful, and this is not limited to diverse sexualities or sex bloggers. I seem to remember a lot of documentation on this within populations of spies and philanderers as well as closeted homosexuals.

      My only direct experience of this was the bucketed 4 hours, the subsequent being discovered, and the knee-shaking recovery period, which lasted through the afternoon pub crawl til well after dinner. Altogether it was about 8 hours I think. Not only will I never ever do that again, I absolutely cannot conceive living like that.

      I also cannot imagine deliberately choosing this kind of stress as a preferrable alternative. I don’t want to think about what kind of horrors a life like that must have in it. Scary.

  4. Tom Allen says:

    Not only will I never ever do that again, I absolutely cannot conceive living like that.

    Knowing the little I do about you, I’m actually surprised that you had the reaction that you did; I had envisioned you as somebody who could easily tell those 8/10 people to kiss your arse.

    • As you noted, I usually do tell people to kiss my Mensan arse. :P

      However, this was an exceptional response, due to the exceptional nature of my experiences with the BDSM community. If you refresh your memory of my experiences with the BDSM community as documented here, you may remember that my self-protection strategy was based on much higher than usual levels of risk.

      The very fact that I was doing something so unusual for me was partly what alerted me to become aware that I am still experiencing the effects of their continued harassment, the most recent of which was yesterday.

      So I reckon that’s a big part of what was up with that bucket stuff, and why I needed to sort it out by officially outing myself.

      • Oh, and on top of that, you yourself noted the extreme and persistently repeated reaction of otherwise normal people when you just used the word “Mensa” in a sentence. It seems to push a button for a lot of people. And for the BDSM community here, they’ve got buttons where other people haven’t even got places for buttons.

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  7. Awesome. I’m getting mine in a while! Not a diamond, but the logo! :)

Spill yo oh-PIN-yunz after the tone ...

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