You know, I haven’t had a really good rantathon in quite awhile. And guess what? Here’s a brand spanking new one for your reading entertainment!
with Bonus Extra Fuckwits
Caution: This is a really super ranty rant. And even though my super ranty rant is only about yet another internet fuckwit amongst millions of internet fuckwits, this particular fuckwit nevertheless gets my award this week for the Fuckwittiest Fuckwit in a Fuckwitting Rôle. So that’s what’s up with this rant.
And this being my blog, I can rant however I want, about any stupid thing I want.
So there. :)
Ok now, deep breath ….. Ready? Ok, here we go. :)
Mostly this sentiment was expressed as an opinion or as a quotation from somebody else. But one blogger in particular took it quite a bit further, basing some universal conclusions on some astoundingly irrelevant data. The blogger stated:
I don’t know if most men are submissive, but the potential is there in many, many men. I do know that there are significantly more submissive men out there than submissive women, despite the fact that traditional patterns of raising females would lead you to expect just the opposite.
All you have to do is google “Femdom” and compare the number of hits to “Maledom” to see what I’m talking about. Or google “foot worship” and see what percentage of foot worshippers are men as opposed to women. There’s simply no comparison.
Many women don’t realize it, unfortunately, but there’s no reason to disbelieve the simple fact that in marriage or in relationships, women rule. It’s just a matter of them taking charge, and I certainly try to do my part:)
Hmmm. This orgy of epic fails is so very oversubscribed I hardly know where to start. Wrestling with them feels a bit like I’m trying to play badminton with 27 shuttlecocks instead of just the usual one.
- Hey, check this out. I bet a few thwacks with my logic racquet can turn these glass shuttlecocks into just loads of smithereens!
Ok, everybody got their safety glasses on?
The thing is, I would absolutely adore, adore! to believe that male bottoms and female tops outnumber everybody, I really really would. What a pleasing world to live in. How fabulous for me!
Unfortunately for me (but fortunately for diversity in general, which is also me), that conclusion only applies in a context of total bullshit.
- (if ‘total bullshit’, be too displeasant, then try on ‘udder bovine faecal excretoriness‘. For let it be known that the Lady of the Spleen be well up with da slang, yo, yet she be also fluent in the gently flexing language befitting a spleen of such glandular character. And let nobody say that Her Spleenitoriness doth not provide a buffet of choices to snack on. Verily.)
Anyhow as you’ll soon discover, a simple cocktail of ranted logic served with a dash of bitterness will easily reveal the copious bullshittery.
To the bloggers perpetrating these myths, and especially to the blogger with the bullshit web search crap, I have this to say.
How do you know this? Even with my very active and extremely creative imagination, I have a hard time imagining even one female bottom or a woman of any orientation queueing up to confirm this for you. And given your personal preferences and assumptions, and your likelihood of ignoring inconvenient data even when its right in front of you, how do you know?
Ah, porn. Did you notice that your ‘femdom’ search results featured a fuckload of porn and very little else? Here’s a pretty picture of a table I put together to spell out the comparison for you.
Regardless of the sex industry’s aggressively promoted and colossally flooded web presence, sex industry and porn products represent only very limited aspects of human sexuality. So why look to porn for your information about human sexuality? Did you conclude from a few web searches that male bottoms must outnumber female bottoms because sex industry and porn products are documentaries?
Actually, based on your previous evidence, maybe you would. Never mind.
Ah, porn again. Web searches for anything erotic (including ‘foot worship’, ‘maledom’, ‘femdom’, and ‘erotic’) will return literally millions of links to male-targeted porn. Regardless of how many women enjoy foot worship with their partners, women’s erotic tastes in general remain almost entirely unrepresented in porn. Porn represents the bulk of the results for your ‘foot worship’ search, and porn notoriously represents biased, inaccurate and limited views of human sexuality. So universal conclusions about human sexuality based solely on porn can only ever be flawed at best.
Shock Newsflash: Porn Is Fiction! (full story page 6 [illustrated])
Have you considered the possibility that many women don’t realise your ‘simple fact’ on account of it being exclusionary bullshit? You’re arbitrarily ignoring millions of female bottoms, male tops and gay men for whom this is inaccurate. And what about relationships comprising two or more women? Are all the women supposed to rule at once?
(after making such an extravagantly tenuous logical jump, I’m surprised you didn’t fall over on that shaky wobbly
You like simple facts? Ok, here are a few to sink your teeth into.
- Facts exist regardless of anybody’s belief or disbelief, supported as they are by independently verifiable stand-alone data.
- However many times you call your beliefs ‘fact‘, they will always only be your opinions.
- No matter how much agreement you get, your beliefs apply only to you.
- I have every reason to disbelieve any ‘fact’ which is unsupported, unconfirmed, and inaccurate.
- I have every reason to disbelieve any person who inappropriately refers to their personal beliefs as ‘facts’.
- In the context of same-sex relationships, your belief is nonsensical.
“high heels […] are a guaranteed source of attraction to a submissive male, and a sure fire way of identifying same. For years, I have used the shoe dangle as […] a fool proof indication”
I agree that your method is certainly a likely way to identify heterosexual men who are aroused by the shoe dangle. And, well, duh, using the shoe dangle to identify those who are strongly attracted to the shoe dangle? Did you figure that out all by yourself?
And the Epic Fail award in the Logic category goes to …
If you’d ever had a single professional manicure or pedicure, you’d know how annoyingly easy it is to damage during the first 48 hours. So putting freshly varnished nails into somebody’s mouth is very likely to damage the finish. As for trust – blithely inciting women to poison their partners by feeding them toxic fumes from fresh nail varnish is only one of many entirely valid reasons to doubt you.
And the Epic Fail award in the Health And Safety category goes to …
Oh dear, women keep ignoring your unsolicited, unwanted, uninformed, inappropriate, judgmental, meddlesome and harmful advice? How frustrating for you. Hey, isn’t that kinda like you ignoring that your ‘fact’ is just another fuckwitted opinion? Hey, and isn’t that sorta also like you ignoring that you keep pimping advice to women who don’t need or want it? Hey, and isn’t that also also kinda like you assuming without asking that women aren’t doing something they actually do? Hey, and isn’t that sorta also kinda like you keep ignoring that nobody asked you?
(I did warn you that this was a really ranty rant)
And the Epic Fail award in the Pimping Advice category goes to …
You know, I was just getting round to the part where I was going to demand to know who died and made you The Planet Earth Human Sexuality Spokesperson and how come I didn’t get the memo, when I stopped ranting for a second and started noticing stuff.
I noticed that your entire blog is pretty much just one big fantasy sex scene. I noticed that you expressed your
specific fetish for interest in beginner dominant women. I noticed that you mentioned getting regular pedicures yet were clueless about nail varnish. And I noticed that you seemed so very puzzled that your readers were more or less exclusively men. And that gave me a big whack with the cluebat, and one of those light bulb thingys went dinggggg over my head.
The service here should have a 5-star rating I swear.
- If you didn’t fabricate every event on your blog, if you aren’t the ‘husband’ you reference, and if your own legal identity documents don’t stipulate your birth gender as ‘male’ – then I’m the 1999 Olympic Snow Sculpture Bronze Medallist from Guam.
A man pretending to be a woman on the internet? No, it can’t be!
I’m shocked, shocked I tell you.
Anyhow, back in the land where diversity is really diverse, facts are really factual, and small furry bloggers from just round the corner are really small furry bloggers from just round the corner – we now come to your candidates in the Idea Validation Election:
- ‘significantly more submissive men out there than submissive women’
- ‘in marriage or in relationships, women rule’
- ‘high heels [and shoe dangle] are a guaranteed source of attraction to a submissive male, and a sure fire way of identifying same’
- ‘Combin[e] a regular pedicure with a foot worship session’
- ‘so few women have any idea of the power they have’
- Every aspect of human sexuality is accurately and proportionally represented on the first few pages of all internet search results
- Sex industry and porn products meticulously represent every possible aspect of human sexuality in accurate, inclusive, proportional and factual documentaries
And on polling day, I’ll be ticking the box marked
I’m filing this post under rantfest. And also under fuckwit. Deal with it.
- Ok, I think I’m done. Thank you for reading my rant. Phew. I feel better!
And now – I’m going to have a cookie. :)