Super Deluxe Rant

 
You know, I haven’t had a really good rantathon in quite awhile.   And guess what?   Here’s a brand spanking new one for your reading entertainment!
 

Spleen Productions Proudly Present:

The  Super Deluxe Special Edition Rantfest

with  Bonus Extra Fuckwits

 
Tah  daaaaaaahhhhhh!


 
Caution:   This is a really super ranty rant.   And even though my super ranty rant is only about yet another internet fuckwit amongst millions of internet fuckwits, this particular fuckwit nevertheless gets my award this week for the Fuckwittiest Fuckwit in a Fuckwitting Rôle.   So that’s what’s up with this rant.

And this being my blog, I can rant however I want, about any stupid thing I want.

So there.   :)

Ok now, deep breath …..   Ready?   Ok, here we go.   :)
 

Recently I read a few people positing their hypotheses that heterosexual male bottoms and heterosexual female tops outnumber lots of other kinds of people.

Mostly this sentiment was expressed as an opinion or as a quotation from somebody else.   But one blogger in particular took it quite a bit further, basing some universal conclusions on some astoundingly irrelevant data.   The blogger stated:
 

I don’t know if most men are submissive, but the potential is there in many, many men.   I do know that there are significantly more submissive men out there than submissive women, despite the fact that traditional patterns of raising females would lead you to expect just the opposite.

All you have to do is google “Femdom” and compare the number of hits to “Maledom” to see what I’m talking about.   Or google “foot worship” and see what percentage of foot worshippers are men as opposed to women.   There’s simply no comparison.

Many women don’t realize it, unfortunately, but there’s no reason to disbelieve the simple fact that in marriage or in relationships, women rule.   It’s just a matter of them taking charge, and I certainly try to do my part:)

 
Hmmm.   This orgy of epic fails is so very oversubscribed I hardly know where to start.   Wrestling with them feels a bit like I’m trying to play badminton with 27 shuttlecocks instead of just the usual one.
 

    Hey, check this out.   I bet a few thwacks with my logic racquet can turn these glass shuttlecocks into just loads of smithereens!

    Ok, everybody got their safety glasses on?

 
The thing is, I would absolutely adore,  adore!  to believe that male bottoms and female tops outnumber everybody, I really really would.   What a pleasing world to live in.   How fabulous for me!

Unfortunately for me  (but fortunately for diversity in general, which is also me),  that conclusion only applies in a context of  total bullshit.  
 

    (if ‘total bullshit’, be too displeasant, then try on  ‘udder bovine faecal excretoriness‘.   For let it be known that the Lady of the Spleen be well up with da slang, yo, yet she be also fluent in the gently flexing language befitting a spleen of such glandular character.   And let nobody say that Her Spleenitoriness doth not provide a buffet of choices to snack on.   Verily.)

 
Anyhow as you’ll soon discover, a simple cocktail of ranted logic served with a dash of bitterness will easily reveal the copious bullshittery.
 
 

Revealing The Bullshittery

 
To the bloggers perpetrating these myths, and especially to the blogger with the bullshit web search crap, I have this to say.
 

  • “I do know that there are significantly more submissive men out there than submissive women”
    How  do you know this?   Even with my very active and extremely creative imagination, I have a hard time imagining even  one  female bottom or a woman of any orientation queueing up to confirm this for you.   And given your personal preferences and assumptions, and your likelihood of ignoring inconvenient data even when its right in front of you, how do you know?
  • “All you have to do is google “Femdom” and compare the number of hits to “Maledom” to see what I’m talking about.”
    Ah, porn.   Did you notice that your ‘femdom’ search results featured a fuckload of porn and very little else?   Here’s a pretty picture of a table I put together to spell out the comparison for you.

     
    Table - Human Sexuality on the Internet
     
    Regardless of the sex industry’s aggressively promoted and colossally flooded web presence, sex industry and porn products represent only very limited aspects of human sexuality.   So why look to porn for your information about human sexuality?   Did you conclude from a few web searches that male bottoms must outnumber female bottoms because sex industry and porn products are documentaries?
  • ‘Femdom’ is only one of many search terms outnumbering ‘maledom’, because the term ‘maledom’ is quite rare.   Quite a few other terms outnumber it including ‘dom man‘, ‘fleas‘, ‘shoes‘ and ‘ants‘.   Do you conclude from these results that dominant women outnumber fleas, that shoes vastly outnumber ants, and that most dominant women are sex workers?
    Actually, based on your previous evidence, maybe you would.   Never mind.
  • “Or google “foot worship” and see what percentage of foot worshippers are men as opposed to women.”
    Ah, porn again.   Web searches for  anything  erotic  (including ‘foot worship’, ‘maledom’, ‘femdom’, and ‘erotic’)  will return literally millions of links to male-targeted porn.   Regardless of how many women enjoy foot worship with their partners, women’s erotic tastes in general remain almost entirely unrepresented in porn.   Porn represents the bulk of the results for your ‘foot worship’ search, and porn notoriously represents biased, inaccurate and limited views of human sexuality.   So universal conclusions about human sexuality based solely on porn can only ever be flawed at best.
    Shock Newsflash:   Porn Is Fiction!   (full story page 6 [illustrated])
  • “Many women don’t realize it, unfortunately, but there’s no reason to disbelieve the simple fact that in marriage or in relationships, women rule.”
    Have you considered the possibility that many women don’t realise your ‘simple fact’ on account of it being exclusionary  bullshit?   You’re arbitrarily ignoring millions of female bottoms, male tops and gay men for whom this is inaccurate.   And what about relationships comprising two or more women?   Are all the women supposed to rule at once?
  • Yes, women rule over their own sexuality, yes, the vulva is generally in much higher demand than the penis, yes, heterosexual men frequently want access to women for sex, and yes, women can and do exercise their human right to limit that access.   Women have been exercising this particular human right for millennia.   So what?   This news is so old it has mould on it.   Since when does limiting sexual access make every woman a BDSM top?
    (after making such an extravagantly tenuous logical jump, I’m surprised you didn’t fall over on that shaky wobbly  arse  conclusion)
  • “there’s no reason to disbelieve the simple fact that in marriage or in relationships, women rule.”
    You like simple facts?   Ok, here are a few to sink your teeth into.
    1. Facts exist regardless of anybody’s belief or disbelief, supported as they are by independently verifiable stand-alone data.
    2. However many times you call your beliefs ‘fact‘, they will always only be your opinions.
    3. No matter how much agreement you get, your beliefs apply only to you.
    4. I have  every  reason to disbelieve any ‘fact’ which is unsupported, unconfirmed, and inaccurate.
    5. I have  every  reason to disbelieve any person who inappropriately refers to their personal beliefs as ‘facts’.
    6. In the context of same-sex relationships, your belief is nonsensical.

  • I’m just going to throw these last few items in now whilst I’m at it:
    high heels […] are a guaranteed source of attraction to a submissive male, and a sure fire way of identifying same.   For years, I have used the shoe dangle as […] a fool proof indication”
    I agree that your method is certainly a likely way to identify heterosexual men who are aroused by the shoe dangle.   And, well, duh, using the shoe dangle to identify those who are strongly attracted to the shoe dangle?   Did you figure that out all by yourself?
  • Since your sample size is limited solely to heterosexual male shoe-dangle/high heel/leg/foot fans, any conclusions you base on it can only represent heterosexual male shoe-dangle/high heel/leg/foot fans.   Since you exclude every other man alive, that seriously limits your erroneous universal conclusions.
    And the  Epic Fail  award in the  Logic  category goes to …
  • Has John learned how to give you a pedicure?   If not, I’d heartily recommend that you teach him or have someone who is a professional teach him. […] Combining a regular pedicure with a foot worship session qualifies as a little bit of heaven.   Trust me on this one!”
    If you’d ever had a single professional manicure or pedicure, you’d know how annoyingly easy it is to damage during the first 48 hours.   So putting freshly varnished nails into somebody’s mouth is very likely to damage the finish.   As for trust  –  blithely inciting women to poison their partners by feeding them toxic fumes from fresh nail varnish is only one of many entirely valid reasons to doubt you.
    And the  Epic Fail  award in the  Health And Safety  category goes to …
  • I often find myself shaking my head in frustration at the fact […] that so few women have any idea of the power they have […] Give it a try, ladies.   You just might be stunned at the results.”
    Oh dear, women keep ignoring your unsolicited, unwanted, uninformed, inappropriate, judgmental, meddlesome and harmful advice?   How frustrating for you.   Hey, isn’t that kinda like you ignoring that your ‘fact’ is just another fuckwitted opinion?   Hey, and isn’t that sorta also like you ignoring that you keep pimping advice to women who don’t need or want it?   Hey, and isn’t that also also kinda like you assuming without asking that women aren’t doing something they actually do?   Hey, and isn’t that sorta also kinda like you keep ignoring that  nobody asked you?
    (I did warn you that this was a really ranty rant)
  • Whilst I respect your choice to publish masturbation fodder for men on the internet, please note that most sexual experiences and indeed many aspects of human life exist quite happily completely offline with no mention on the internet whatsoever.   If you bothered to take your head out of your arse for just one microsecond, you’d notice that the reason you don’t know that many of us  do  in fact enjoy BDSM with our partners is because you’re not asking any actual women, you’re not doing any proper research at all, and you’re not psychic.   So you may redirect your advice to those who welcome it.   You can also stop shaking your head now and put down that cross you’ve been schlepping.   Don’t call us, we’ll call you.
    And the  Epic Fail  award in the  Pimping Advice  category goes to …
  • So I dispute the universal validity of all your fuckwitted fuckwittisms, including your [porn-is-a-documentary], your [most women are poor clueless creatures], and your [Sure-Fire Fool-Proof Shoe-Dangle Submissive-Man Detecto-Kit].
  •  
     

    Figuring Stuff Out

     
    You know, I was just getting round to the part where I was going to demand to know who died and made you The Planet Earth Human Sexuality Spokesperson and how come I didn’t get the memo, when I stopped ranting for a second and started noticing stuff.

    I noticed that your entire blog is pretty much just one big fantasy sex scene.   I noticed that you expressed your  specific fetish for  interest in beginner dominant women.   I noticed that you mentioned getting regular pedicures yet were clueless about nail varnish.   And I noticed that you seemed so very puzzled that your readers were more or less exclusively men.   And that gave me a big whack with the cluebat, and one of those light bulb thingys went  dinggggg  over my head.
     
    Light Bulb - dinnggggggg!

    Here at This Blog Post, you get the light bulb  and  the dinggggg!
    The service here should have a 5-star rating I swear.

     

      If you didn’t fabricate every event on your blog, if you aren’t the ‘husband’ you reference, and if your own legal identity documents don’t stipulate your birth gender as ‘male’  –  then I’m the 1999 Olympic Snow Sculpture Bronze Medallist from Guam.

     
    A man pretending to be a woman on the internet?   No, it can’t be!  

    I’m shocked,  shocked  I tell you.

    Anyhow, back in the land where diversity is really diverse, facts are really factual, and small furry bloggers from just round the corner are  really  small furry bloggers from just round the corner  –  we now come to your candidates in the Idea Validation Election:

    • ‘significantly more submissive men out there than submissive women’
    • ‘in marriage or in relationships, women rule’
    • ‘high heels [and shoe dangle] are a guaranteed source of attraction to a submissive male, and a sure fire way of identifying same’
    • ‘Combin[e] a regular pedicure with a foot worship session’
    • ‘so few women have any idea of the power they have’
    • Every aspect of human sexuality is accurately and proportionally represented on the first few pages of all internet search results
    • Sex industry and porn products meticulously represent every possible aspect of human sexuality in accurate, inclusive, proportional and factual documentaries

     
    And on polling day, I’ll be ticking the box marked

    Epic Fail Bullshit

     
    Epic Fail - Fuckwitted
     
    I’m filing this post under rantfest.   And also under fuckwit.   Deal with it.
     

      Ok, I think I’m done.   Thank you for reading my rant.   Phew.   I feel better!

      And now  –  I’m going to have a cookie.   :)

     

    About Lady Lubyanka

    I am a 45 year old musician, and also a multisexual, polyamourous, Jewish, socially dominant woman within my romantic BDSM relationships.
    This entry was posted in BDSM, exclusion, fuckwit, fuckwitism, fuckwittedness, Human Beingness 101, One True Way, Psychology, Rant, Rantfest. Bookmark the permalink.

    6 Responses to Super Deluxe Rant

    1. Tom Allen says:

      :laughs:
      I see you’ve met submissiveProud John. I used to have him on my blogroll, but I eventually got tired of the inane posts. I mean, the guy has been blogging for five or six years, and even though he lives in New Fucking York City he can’t seem to make a connection with a vanilla woman, let alone a dominant.

      I’m sure it’s just, um, bad timing. Yeah, like that.

      And after all that time blogging, his posts from years ago are pretty much the same as what he posts now. How can you blog for that long and not develop any further insights into your life?

      Ah well. Thanks for letting me vent. I’d write something on his blog, but what’s the point?

      • “I see you’ve met submissiveProud John. I used to have him on my blogroll, but I eventually got tired of the inane posts. I mean, the guy has been blogging for five or six years, and even though he lives in New Fucking York City he can’t seem to make a connection with a vanilla woman, let alone a dominant.”

        Ah yes, “inane” does describe a lot of it pretty well.

        “And after all that time blogging, his posts from years ago are pretty much the same as what he posts now. How can you blog for that long and not develop any further insights into your life?”

        I think the simple answer to that is because he doesn’t want to. Given the number of insight-gaining opportunities he has consistently declined, John must be deliberately and repeatedly choosing ignorance over insight. I hadn’t realised he’d been blogging and ignoring for that long. How disappointing.

        “Ah well. Thanks for letting me vent. I’d write something on his blog, but what’s the point?”

        Your venting and anything else are all entirely welcome. :)

        And indeed, if you were to comment on his blog he’d probably ignore you as he’s ignored so many others. Very frustrating, I mean, on the one hand he insists one thing but then everything he says contradicts that, especially when he gets on his pontification platform. I mean, I wish he could have his fantasy figure who will solve all his problems and give him a side order of boner. Since he ignores every commenter who points out this fantasyness, be must believe in it pretty strongly. After waiting all this time for a socially dominant woman who fits those criteria, I’m not surprised he’s still alone even in one of the most populated cities in the world.

        If this has been going on for as long as that, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’d be a niche market for a blog just for people to vent about John. Heh. :)

    2. Oh, I just wanted to add that I feel like John’s a genuinely nice human being, and I feel terrible when he says things which sound to me like he’s sabotaging his own happiness. I think this is the main reason I find reading John’s posts so frustrating. I want to help, but he won’t let me or anybody else help him.

      Ok, I just wanted to make that clear.

    3. Tom Allen says:

      Oh, I’m sure he’s a nice guy that would be pleasant company with good table manners. Which, as you’ve observed, makes it all the more frustrating that he seems to be so clueless.

    4. Pingback: Continuingness « Lady Lubyanka

    5. Pingback: Continuingness Update « Lady Lubyanka

    Spill yo oh-PIN-yunz after the tone ...

    Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

    WordPress.com Logo

    You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

    Twitter picture

    You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

    Facebook photo

    You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

    Google+ photo

    You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

    Connecting to %s