Group Rules – Updated June 2009

Having dispensed with my commentary and thoughts about the bdsmireland group rules update, here are the rules in their entirety.

The bdsmireland Rules – June 2009

The rules as they appear here are the same rules which are published in the bdsmireland yahoo group.   I have reproduced these rules in full, complete in every detail, with no omissions of any kind.

New additions are indicated with red text.

Please see the notes at the bottom for details of certain specific additions and modifications which they added in response to me personally.


PERSONAL ADS   *updated*


This is a reminder for members of the bdsmireland group about the guidelines governing participation here.



This list / group was created to provide a forum for people with an interest in BDSM and who are based in Ireland to come together, to chat, to learn from each other, and to meet; however, those living beyond this island are also welcome.

Whether you have made your way here as a result of a personal recommendation by an existing list member or through a search of Yahoo! groups please take a moment to read the following guide to participation on this list.

    GENERAL PRINCIPLES   *updated*

This list is founded on the principles of Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC), and/or Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK)
Safe words, safe calls, negotiation, communication, agreement, consent, and common sense are all important to us, and we hope to members of the group.   For more information on what this means please ask on the list.

Keep it Legal!! No under-age activity, no bestiality, nothing un-consensual (you get the gist).


Please complete the profile section on Yahoo! groups.
Feel free to include as much detail as possible as you are comfortable sharing in a public space.   Bear in mind that this information is publicly available so discretion is advised.


Please introduce yourself to the list; contribute once in a while.
Make yourself comfortable here, get to know people, get a feel for the place.   Post an introduction whenever you are ready (not a personal ad, see below).   Tell us about your experiences to date, how you got interested and got involved with BDSM, how you found this discussion group and why you joined.


If you would like to attend a meeting/munch….
Contact the moderators ( stating that you would like to come to a meet/munch.   Include a contact name and number and the date of the event which you would like to attend.

    PERSONAL ADS:   *updated*

This list does not permit personal ads.
If you want people to know about your physical appearance and what you are seeking please feel free to complete a detailed profile in the appropriate section. Alternatively, subscribe to bdsmireland-personals (   People will get to know you from your contributions to the list and possibly from meeting at one of our social gatherings.   If they are interested they can and will check out your profile.   If you post a message using the following or similar phrasing it will not be approved: “I am looking for a.. ” or “I am seeking a…” etc.
This is considered a personal ad.

Please note that to be a member of BDSM Ireland-personals, you need to be a member of BDSM Ireland also.


Please do not send private emails/IMs to list members unless you have their permission/consent or they have indicated in their profile that unsolicited contact is acceptable.
If you receive such an email/IM, simply delete it.   In the event of a problem/situation which you cannot resolve yourself please mail the moderators (
Please note that membership of bdsmireland-personals is considered an invitation to such contact.
(New!)  We would like to clarify that the moderators cannot be held accountable for contact off group e.g. by phone, private email, snail mail, video conference, text message etc.   If you are being pestered by someone then we would suggest that you advise them to stop.   If this continues, or you are worried by the contact (e.g. you feel that someone might be stalking you) then please go to your local law enforcement agency.

    MODERATION OF POSTS:   *updated*

All members’ posts are moderated to begin with.
If you have any queries on this please contact the moderators at

(New!)  Free speech is encouraged; the moderators WILL NOT edit your comments unless YOU request it prior to the message being approved.   However, the moderators reserve the right to  (a) <snip> posts which are quoting complete other posts for brevity and ease of reading for members who get daily digests  (b) Reject your message for editing by you if you use a real name or put your phone number by mistake.   We may carry out these edits for expediency in rare instances and mark it so.   Note that reposting is not a crime.   (c) Edit the post for readability i.e. add carriage returns where a user has cut and pasted a post from word

** We may not personally agree with your point of view, but we do agree with your right to say it (unless it contravenes the rules)


(New!)  Links to Blogs/Personal Web Pages are permitted in emails to the group as long as they are not to anything illegal or to the detriment of people e.g. a web page that gathers people’s details or trying to sell Viagra (or something-like). Please feel free to add such details to your Yahoo profile as well. If such links are found, a request to remove them will be followed by further action by the moderators if necessary.
*Disclaimer* BDSMIreland is not responsible for external content.



Please treat other list members with respect and courtesy.   How you behave to others on the list is a reflection of how you would behave with a Dom/me or sub.   Good manners cost nothing.
(New!)  Definitions:
Flaming: is a hostile and insulting interaction between users, generally in response to other posts or users posting on a site, where such a response is usually not constructive, and does not clarify or add to an ongoing discussion.
Bullying & Harrassment : This is humiliating or abusive behaviour that lowers a person’s self-esteem or causes them torment.   This can take the form of verbal comments, actions or gestures.
Sometimes, people attempt to assert their authority, or establish a position of superiority over other users in these ways.   THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR.

Please contact the moderators ( if you have an issue with another member (arising from their/your participation on this group) that you cannot resolve privately.   Those considered by the Moderators to be flaming or bullying (this also includes continual nitpicking and disparagement of posts), will first be warned and may ultimately be banned. If this happens it will be announced on the boards.

If this is happening outside of the group e.g. on a blog or other website, we can offer advice, but not take any action that affects the occurrence. If this is something that affects the group as a whole or could be seen as an invasion of privacy of members or the Yahoo group AND the perpetrator is a member, we reserve the right to ask them to amend their posting / publishing and if the issue remains then we also reserve the right to ask them to leave the group, or ban them. We are aware that this would have no impact on the external behaviour, but if they cannot respect the group / members outside, why are they still a member?



Attachments are not permitted.   This is for your protection and helps prevent the spread of viruses.   If you wish to upload a file, please contact the Moderators directly with a description of the file’s contents.


We permit (limited) promotion of other yahoo groups  provided it is likely to be of relevance and interest, to the group members.   It is considered courteous to ask permission of the Moderators first.   If you are advertising for a regular event, we would request that you to limit this to once a week at most, with a reminder the day before.


We permit limited commercial advertising.   It is considered courteous to ask permission of the Moderators first.   We do not permit SPAM.   You SPAM, we BAN!

    NOTICE FOR PRO-DOMMES:   *updated*

If you are a pro-Domme, we would appreciate it if you left promotion of your activities and/or visits to Ireland to the Personals list (bdsmireland-personals:   You provide an important service for many of our members but it is more appropriate to that forum.   You are, however, most welcome to contribute to general discussions on bdsmireland.   Please note we will not allow the advertising of sexual services (and we are aware that most pro-dommes do not offer these).


There is no such thing as a stupid question.
(Well almost <S>)   This list is a resource and brings together people with many years experience with those who have none.   Ask and someone will answer, or point you in the right direction (there are probably half a dozen other people wanting to know the answer too).

    GENERAL QUERIES:   *updated*

If you have any questions, queries, wishes, dreams, desires….
If you have any questions or queries that you would rather not post to the group – please contact the moderators privately (   This applies if you have a problem with a certain procedure or another member which you cannot resolve yourself.
If it is a general query about bdsm, this should be directed to the group.   If you are ever in doubt about something, please query the moderators.   The moderators cannot provide you with the perfect Dom(me) or sub, and are unlikely to perform these services for you. While they can always be contacted, please don’t ask for these.
Updated: June, 2009

Additions And Modifications Just For Me
Unsolicited Private Contact

    The bdsmireland moderators have an established history of declining to enforce respect and consent according to their own rules, and then changing their rules to exclude the relevant item from protection under those rules.   Over time bdsmireland moderators have increasingly added more and more disclaimers and exclusions to further and further reduce their commitment to enforce respect for consent.

    The bdsmireland moderators knew I had a stalker.   So to cover their prior failures to enforce respect and consent under their previous rules, they have added the exclusions about stalkers to further reduce their explicit commitment to enforce respect and consent.

    In this version of the rules, the bdsmireland moderators on one hand claim to value and support consent, whilst simultaneously hugely expanding the list of exclusions which itemise transgressions of consent which bdsmireland moderators will now freely allow.

    In short, since nearly every kind of unconsensual contact is explicitly excluded from bdsmireland moderator protection, the only unconsensual contact which the bdsmireland moderators are committing to enforce against is instant messages between members of bdsmireland who are  not  also members of bdsmireland-personals.   And who exactly is that supposed to help?   Oh, wait, I forgot, it helps the moderators.

    I have no idea why the bdsmireland moderators don’t just explicitly state that they decline to enforce consent for unsolicited contact between group members.   That would have been a whole lot shorter and clearer.

Post Moderation

    The current rules state:   “We may not personally agree with your point of view, but we do agree with your right to say it (unless it contravenes the rules)”

    Those stated policies are contradicted by bdsmireland moderator behaviour as documented on this blog, by the additional group posting restrictions in other sections of the rules, and by the rules restricting what members may post outside bdsmireland.

    Based on my past experience with these individuals, their behaviour is much more likely to contradict their words than to support them.   So however much they may  say  they agree in principle with anybody’s right to express their opinions, their past behaviour and additional posting restrictions indicate that the bdsmireland moderators are more than likely to  act in contradiction  of that statement.

Blog Link Prohibition Lifted

    Even though the bdsmireland moderators quietly implemented and enforced this rule for  three months   (during which time they failed to disclose or list it in the rules document),  the prohibition against blog links  (actually just my blog, nobody else’s)  was  only  enforced in bdsmireland shortly after I published BDSM Horror Stories.   Now that my absence from the group has been enforced, the prohibition against blog links has been lifted.

    Now they’re trying to make us believe that the prohibition was designed solely to protect members from spammer and scammer sites  (which description [just by chance] happens to fit my blog, obviously).   It’s nice to know the bdsmireland moderators group my blog in the same category as  “illegal or to the detriment of people e.g. a web page that gathers people’s details or trying to sell Viagra”.   It’s also nice to know that the bdsmireland moderators have such a high opinion of my blog that they had to ban  all  blogs just to conceal their desire to ban mine alone.

    Hey, isn’t that kind of like using Vatican City and the Swiss Guard to protect a used tea bag?

Flaming, Bullying and Harassment

    This rule contains perfectly accurate descriptions of the behaviour perpetrated against me by bdsmireland moderators and group members.   The bdsmireland moderators even link to to some of the very same pages I linked to before to illustrate this specific behaviour, when I was documenting bdsmireland moderator behaviour towards me on this blog.

    This is an excellent example of simultaneously doing and denouncing the same thing.
    The rules now state:   “we reserve the right to ask them to amend their posting / publishing and if the issue remains then we also reserve the right to ask them to leave the group, or ban them. […] If this happens it will be announced on the boards.”

    • No request was  ever  made to me by any bdsmireland moderator to amend my posting or publishing on my blog.
    • No specific request was  ever  made to me by any bdsmireland moderator to modify anything I was doing outside bdsmireland.
    • I was  never  advised of my upcoming ban by any bdsmireland moderator prior to the ban.
    • No warning was  ever  made to me by any bdsmireland moderator that I would be banned.
    • No announcement was  ever  made on the boards about my ban.


About Lady Lubyanka

I am a 45 year old musician, and also a multisexual, polyamourous, Jewish, socially dominant woman within my romantic BDSM relationships.
This entry was posted in Consent, exclusion, fuckwitism, fuckwits, Hypocrism, Psychology, Respect, The Scene. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Group Rules – Updated June 2009

  1. Pingback: Group Rule Update – The Commentary « Lady Lubyanka

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