This is a rant. I think I’m well overdue for one, considering recent events.
So if you don’t enjoy rants, you might want to skip this post.
Now that you have been duly advised, moving swiftly rantwards…
I have heard the Irish BDSM community referred to in the most glowing terms by (surprise) members of the Irish BDSM community. They say how much they love it, how special they feel to be included in it, how wonderful all its members are.
In this same beloved, special, wonderful Irish BDSM community –
- those same members support abusers and further abuse the abused.
- whenever an abuser is reported from within our ranks, those same members fight each other to be first to join in the fun of abusing the person reporting the abuse.
- those same members support, protect, nurture and cherish abusers of all kinds.
- those same members sanction rule transgression and abuse in any circumstances.
- those same members arbitrarily abuse other members.
- those same members proclaim with self-righteous indignation what a fine, upstanding, unthanked, special person an abuser is, and that their targets deserved it.
Because everybody knows that it’s possible to earn or deserve abuse, right?
Because abuse is about the target and not the abuser, right?
Because a person’s race is responsible for racism, and not the racists, right?
When all people with race build a bridge and get over it, I’m sure that racism will just go away, right?
Who really needs to take responsibility for changing their behaviour, people with race, or racists? The abused or the abusers?
Indeed, how could I possibly doubt such lovely, special, wonderful people as you clearly are?
Oh dear, I think I need a bucket, I’m having a barfy moment, I’ll be right back.
You know, many of you spend so very much time bitching about how much you feel marginalised, diminished, and excluded by others, and how much their fault it is for being intolerant. Yet when you do it to others, it all of a sudden becomes the other person’s fault?
I know, it’s a terrible crime to god forbid talk openly about the perpetrator of abuse! Definitely punish the target, because it can hardly be the abuser’s fault that they abused anybody, right?
I hope somebody can explain to me how this works, because I really want to know.
I am having a lot of difficulty understanding the cruelty, the bullying, the excluding, and the isolating you’re prepared to perpetrate against me without a second’s thought or hesitation. I am also having a lot of difficulty understanding how and why so many more of you support the perpetration of that cruelty, bullying, exclusion and isolation against me, either by speaking out in favour, or by silently allowing such treatment to be perpetrated unchallenged.
I quite understand why you’ll all rise up and object in the strongest possible terms when you read or hear news about abuse happening to people you don’t even know. But when you do or support doing the exact same thing yourselves against a member of your own community, against one of your own, you laugh and joke and enjoy it?
I don’t understand that at all.
And now, this rant just in – I really want to know if there one single solitary individual out there who has the balls to give me your shit honestly and straightforwardly, from your face to my face, using your own name and your own words, and speaking about your own issues.
Just one. No? Not even one?
What a surprise.
Who could ever doubt such courage, such fearless bravery.
Who could ever doubt your integrity and your honesty when your behaviour so consistently supports what you say.
Who could ever doubt your unwavering, valiant support of your beliefs, when you’re clearly so prepared to stand by them in all circumstances.
And now, unfortunately, I must excuse myself to go barf again. Where’s that bucket got to?
It especially fucks you off when people knowingly cross lines and are disrespectful to other people in our community?
Yeah, me too.
No matter what I think about you personally, I would never support any person abusing you, full stop.
You know, abuse is never ok no matter who the target is. Abuse is always unacceptable. I thought you might have known that already.
- So why?! do you need me to tell you that??
If you really want to understand why anybody would put themselves at risk of this kind of abuse from you people, then you might start by checking the facts. One person’s “behaving appallingly” is another person’s “telling the truth”. Differentiating between the two is rather relevant, in the circumstances.
Do any of you honestly think that I’m making this shit up just to enact some weird personal vendetta? Do you honestly think I’d invent something this elaborate, spend this much time and energy on taking it to these extremes, and risk this kind of abuse and exclusion if I were doing it solely to express my personal hate?
I mean, it must be that, right? Why else would I do it?
I couldn’t possibly be telling the truth. Could I?
- Newsflash – Some of us feel rather strongly about abuse, no matter how vile the potential targets are.
Some of us choose to direct our energies in support of the abused.
Some of us think that no matter what the abuse is, and no matter who the targets are, all abuse is unethical and wrong.
So be it.
I really, really didn’t want to do my workshop this weekend. I came so close to cancelling so many times. I wrote three posts about cancelling which I didn’t publish.
I mean, why would
- a person whom you have targeted in this way, ever feel encouraged to give anything “back” to such a community?
- any of your targets ever want to contribute anything other than to return your spite, your hate, and your and bullying?
- any person you have excluded against your own rules want to ever bother giving a workshop to benefit the members of that community?
- I ever want to give fuck all to any one of you when you wouldn’t take one single second to say one single thing in public against this bullshit?
If “good manners cost nothing“, then why do so many of you abandon them so easily?!
I’m really disappointed that those of you who speak up most vociferously about SSC, RACK, respect, and courtesy, are also the quickest to drop good manners in order to jump straight in and join the abuse party.
Hey, c’mon guys, let’s abuse Lubyanka, she’s an easy target, lots of people will help us, and it doesn’t count as abuse because we’re good people.
Oh dear, I’m going to have to excuse myself to barf again. I’ll be right back. Meanwhile, here’s some news just in.
- NEWSFLASH – Abusers come from every walk of life. Being “a good person” is no exemption, no vaccine, and no excuse for abusive behaviour.
“Good people” do bad things.
As many of you have so aptly demonstrated.
And so it is written – Lo, having barfed three times into the holy bucket of barfness, this doth conclude the rant for today.