Update 20 – Banned

valpone_a,  with the support and approval of all the other bdsmireland moderators, sent me these three emails.   Of the three, I have referred to the first and second in previous posts, but never yet published them in full.   The most recent was sent last night.

Here they are.

    From:   valpone_a
    Subject:   Moderator Request
    Date:   7 March 2009 12:31:03 GMT
    To:   Lubyanka
    Cc:   bdsmireland-owner@yahoogroups.com
    Dear Lubyanka

    If I may take this time to introduce myself.   I’m Valpone and I’m one of the BDSM Ireland Moderators.   I realize that we have not met in person and have had no contact before this e-mail.   It has fallen to me to contact you with regards to recent posts and activity within the group.

    It is clear that you are not happy with the way the group is moderated you have spent a lot of time and energy making your many points to not only the Moderators but to the world at large via your blog.   Personally I have no great interest in the blogging activity you have been undertaking other than as proof of your deep dissatisfaction with the way we work as Moderators.

    BDSM Ireland is not the only group that operates in Ireland there are other groups which you may be happier to be associated with, alternatively you may wish to spend some of your energy and time in a more constructive way and form your own group to run as you wish.   That would better demonstrate you’re ideas of how a group should be run.   Whichever way you may wish to move in the future it will not be with BDSM Ireland.

    I am as you may already have guessed requesting that you remove yourself from the BDSM Ireland   Group’s.   If you have any questions please feel free to contact me as I will be the sole contact for you from this point onwards.   No other Moderator will be responding to your e-mails.

    If I may take this moment to wish you luck in your future efforts



    Moderator BDSM Ireland and BDSM Ireland Personals
    From:   valpone_a
    Subject:   Re: Moderator Request
    Date:   9 March 2009 08:34:38 GMT
    To:   Lubyanka
    Cc:   bdsmireland-owner@yahoogroups.com
    Hello Lubyanka

    I was hoping for a reply from you before today but as I have not received one as yet I thought a gentle reminder may be in order.   I’m away on Holiday today and will not be near an Internet connection for the next two weeks.   Not the best timing in the world but it cant be helped.   As stated in my earlier e-mail I will be the only moderator dealing with you and your posts from this point onwards.   Again sorry as this will place a delay on any of our correspondence.


    From:   valpone_a
    Subject:   Ref: BDSM Ireland Request
    Date:   23 March 2009 21:17:22 GMT
    To:   Lubyanka
    Cc:   bdsmireland-owner@yahoogroups.com
    Hello Lubyanka

    I am back from my vacation and with net access once more.   I was disappointed that you had not contacted me with any questions you may have regarding my request for your graceful departure from the BDSM Ireland Yahoo Group.   Alas it is a sad situation when you can find the time to speculate in your blog but not feel able to contact me directly.

    With this in mind and after again checking out your blog, I have come to conclusion that you have no interest in direct contact with me and your intention is to use this as a public “cause celebre”.   Unfortunately the conspiracy theory you seem to have woven can not be resolved to your satisfaction as like so many conspiracy theories it will have a dynamic of its own.

    With regret I will be removing you from the BDSM Ireland Yahoo Group as I’m under the impression that this would be best for you and us.   Your current fixation as well as general unhappiness with the group would best be served by this course of action.

    I wish you well with your new group and the future.




These Are Supposed To Be Reasons?!

So, the bdsmireland moderators  (through  valpone_a)  are banning me because

  • I had nothing to say to him regarding his emails
  • I had nothing to say to him over the internet when he was internetless
  • I keep a personal blog
  • I remained in the group and respected the group rules
  • I published details of bdsmireland moderators abusing me
  • I have a mind and thoughts of my own
  • I expressed my thoughts on my personal blog
  • they think I “would be best served” by being banned  (wtf?!)
  • they think I started a new group
  • I respected the rules of bdsmireland

So if I say stuff on my blog, I’m banned.   If I  don’t  say stuff in emails, I’m banned.   Did anybody else notice that this was a situation in which I was deliberately set up to fail?   Does anybody have any doubts at all that the intent of the moderators from the beginning was to ban me, regardless?

I did feel gratified that the bdsmireland moderators didn’t even  try  to invent a legitimate banning offense to present me with.

A Brief Synopsism

So in brief, this is what happened:

  1. The bdsmireland moderators operated a double standard by applying different rules to me than to other group members.
  2. The bdsmireland moderators refused to resolve my queries about this privately.
  3. (presumably on the grounds that private emails are not the place to discuss the bdsmireland yahoo group, its operation, and the behaviour of its administrators)

  4. I detailed my experiences of this on my personal blog.
  5. The bdsmireland moderators abused me via my personal blog using a sock puppet nickname.
  6. I detailed my experiences of the bdsmireland moderators’ abuse on my personal blog.
  7. The topic was raised by other members in the bdsmireland yahoo group.
  8. A long-inactive moderator of bdsmireland was re-activated.
  9. The bdsmireland moderators banned any further discussion of the topic in the bdsmireland yahoo group.  
  10. (presumably on the grounds that the bdsmireland yahoo group is not the place to discuss the bdsmireland yahoo group, its operation, and the behaviour of its administrators)

  11. The bdsmireland moderators continued operating the double standard against me in the bdsmireland yahoo group and via my blog.
  12. I detailed those experiences on my personal blog.
  13. The newly re-activated moderator informed me by email that the moderators want me to leave the group.
  14. The newly re-activated moderator became internetless.
  15. The bdsmireland moderators continued their abusive activities.
  16. I continued to detail my experiences of this on my blog.
  17. The bdsmireland moderators wanted me to stop blogging about their abuse.
  18. The bdsmireland moderators knew I would stop  immediately  when the abusers made good on their word to meet me and prove their non-moderator identities.
  19. I demonstrated on my personal blog that the abusers and the bdsmireland moderators were the same people.
  20. Therefore the bdsmireland moderators were unable to stop me without acknowledging their lies and abusive behaviour.
  21. The newly re-activated moderator regained internet.
  22. The newly re-activated moderator banned me for reasons  unrelated  to bdsmireland group rules.  
  23. (presumably on the grounds that my blog is not the place to discuss the bdsmireland yahoo group, its operation, and the behaviour of its administrators)
    (oh, and presumably also because I outed their abuse)

  24. I watched recently appointed moderators and others whom I thought were my friends either silently or actively supporting the moderators’ abusive behaviour against me.
  25. I blog on.


Anybody Else Notice The  Lies  Nausea?

I’m wondering, if  private emails  aren’t the place to discuss the bdsmireland yahoo group, how it is run and the behaviour of it’s administrators, and if the  bdsmireland yahoo group  isn’t the place to discuss the bdsmireland yahoo group, how it is run and the behaviour of it’s administrators, and if  my blog  isn’t the place to discuss the bdsmireland yahoo group, how it is run and the behaviour of it’s administrators, then  where  do the bdsmireland moderators think these things  will  be discussed?

I’m wondering if anybody else is noticing that valpone_a‘s  tender concern for my well-being is  just so full of lies  nauseating.   I’m sure you all noticed  those lies  that nausea.   At least this time he signed his  lies  nauseation with his own name.

I’m wondering if this recent tender concern could possibly have been expressed by that same moderator, using a sock puppet nickname.

I’m noticing a recurring sock-puppety theme here.

BDSMIreland Members

The only way the bdsmireland moderators can do these things is if you support them by accepting their behaviour and keeping yourselves under their jurisdiction.

No matter what else I’ve done,  I have respected the stated rules in bdsmireland without exception throughout the entire duration of my membership there.   Yet the moderators banned me anyhow.

As members, you are vulnerable.   You must either accept their abuse or be silenced and banned.   It is that simple.   If you allow this behaviour to pass unchallenged, you are sharing responsibility for it.   You either believe in and actively support SSC and RACK, or you pay lip service to it and do nothing.  

You decide.

Some of the moderators’ targets have no blog nor public voice to report abusive behaviour.   I am in all likelihood the most recent in a long line of many targets of their abuse, and they are just as likely to behave every bit as abusively with others after me.
Remember  –

  • If the bdsmireland moderators can apply arbitrary double standards
  • If the bdsmireland moderators can adopt sock puppets to abuse me anonymously
  • If the bdsmireland moderators can ban me for any arbitrary reasons
  • If you support that unacceptable behaviour by saying and doing nothing against it in public
  • If you support that unacceptable behaviour by simply giving in and backing down and hoping it doesn’t happen to you

then  those moderators can and will do the same to all of us.
If you wish to speak out about stuff which has been done to you, and you are known to me or you can make yourself known to me, I am happy to publish personal accounts anonymously.

If you wish to express support anonymously in a comment, I am happy to publish those comments anonymously.

This issue is ongoing.   If they do anything to you,  no matter how small it seems,   please speak out.   Unless you speak out, this  will  keep happening.

    Who is going to be their next target?

Step up, step up, there’s plenty to go around.

About Lady Lubyanka

I am a 45 year old musician, and also a multisexual, polyamourous, Jewish, socially dominant woman within my romantic BDSM relationships.
This entry was posted in exclusion, fuckwit, fuckwitism, fuckwits, fuckwittedness, The Scene. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Update 20 – Banned

  1. Pingback: The BDSMIreland Rules « Lady Lubyanka

  2. Leandrai says:


    Funny thing…I used to be very fond of the woman who is nominal head of BDSMIreland…and just today, while crawling around under my car in the mud I started thinking about what it would be GENUINELY best for her to do (for her own sake) and, to be honest, I still hadn’t ruled out sending her my heartfelt advice when I read this.

    Let me share.

    I was going advise her that, regarding you, Lubyanka, the root of the problem is that, from the day you joined BDSMIreland, for no rational reasons, you were never given a chance.

    Whether she likes it (or you) or not, you are as good as anyone else in that group and deserved the same degree of recognition, and that you know it, and that, if she makes it up to you now, by giving you the recognition she has already given far less knowledgeable and responsible people, by making you a moderator. That would be an ideal combination of sense, justice and the best interests of the group.

    All she (personally) has to do to appease me is to break the monopoly by taking moderator stautus away from anyone with a conflict of interest due to being involved in any alternative event, or has been enough of a muppet to drop the who group in very deep water by sending out abusive emails in response to legitimate queries.

    The organisers of Nimhneach are a seperate issue, but all they would have to do to appease me is tighten up the safety procedures and supervision of events AS THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE…

    …and then none of them ever has to see or hear from me again…because I never even stand up to anyone until it is well past the point of no return, and after all I have seen, there is nothing they could do that would make me able to enjoy their company again, but then, frankly, I don’t think they think very much of me, either, so that should suit everyone.

    If I had sent that email, and she had taken my advice, she would go to sleep tonight knowing that she was, once again, firmly at the helm of a peaceful, just and united community that would go on benefiting people, and preserving her illusions of her own wisdom and moral superiority, almost indefinately.

    But, instead, I am absolutely certain that this is the beginning of the end of BDSMIreland as it has existed since 2000.

    Unless safety and supervision is massively tightened up at events they are just a ticking time bomb all by themselves.

    Lubyanka, I am so sorry that you have been treated this way, and so ashamed that, sometimes, I went along with it, simply because it was easier than trying to stand up to or reason with it (though, at times, I tried both).

    SHAME ON YOU BDSMIRELAND – as I am ashamed that I ever associated with you.

  3. Leandrai says:

    Even I didn’t speak out at first…and I am not exactly a “herd animal”.

    Some of the people, that I once thought so much of, on BDSMIreland have really turned out to be nasty little so and sos in this, and other ways…but I can’t believe they are ALL like that…

    There are decent people, and people who can think for themselves too…you wait and see…they aren’t all just “sheeple”.

    • Well, so far, I have yet to be overwhelmed with. um, well, I think there have been maybe four people, you’re one, kvetch is one, and we both know a couple of people who offered some support privately, once.

      Other than that, nothing, unfortunately.   :/

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  10. no name says:

    i once attended a social event in dublin in 2005. i was new to the scene,at least new as a personal sub/slave to a prominant Pro Dominatrix who once lived here. those earlier parties were interesting less formal,but we do not attend any more.. in fact even worse we are no longer together.. bdsm killed our marraige and changed us completly.. i am no longer a sub and carry the scars emotionally.. but i call a spade a spade… Lady Lubyanka FUCK EM.. if they are not able to see beyond what you do, then perhapes take a dump on them…

  11. Pingback: The Galway Munch « Lady Lubyanka

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  15. Rebroad says:

    Absolutely fucking ridiculous… and reminds me so much of the way I got banned from the Cardiff BDSM munch yahoo group!!

    • Unfortunately, this type of behaviour appears to be a common theme amongst many members of BDSM groups. I am still trying to get my head wrapped round the repeated expounding at great length about respect for boundaries, limits, consent, negotiation, SSC and RACK, and the often simultaneous transgression of those ideals by the very same people. It’s as if they somehow concluded that those rules apply only in sexual contexts, and even then only sometimes.


      Thank you for your comment. :)

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