Caney Reviewfest – The Irvings

Okay, the story so far began with My Story Of Caneness, and how it all got started.

Then it continued with pictures and descriptions of the Caney Droolfest.

And now, I hereby welcome you and present the first ever…

    Rubber Chicken Awards!

Today’s Irvings are in the Spanky Toy class.

The Review Part – Caney Feature Set

The following caney features have been tested, checked, and verified by me.   All features and Irvings are applicable to caney usage by the wielder, with little reference to the wieldee.   The features mentioned are applicable to two canes, one mark each awarded respectively to Purple Purfler  (8mm x 74cm-ish)  and Fluffy Chick Stick  (8mm x 60cm-ish).

  • Multisexual – √ – √ – Sensation play with these canes is non-gender specific.   The canes are confirmed effective on women, men, TV/TS/TG, lesbian, gay, bisexual, intersexual, polysexual, pansexual, asexual, celibates, tops, bottoms, switches, sideways, backwards, and the confused.   I did not test the canes on gerbils.
  • Sensuality – √ – √ – With care and skill, these canes may be used somewhat forcefully to create and cause pleasure without any pain.   It is of course also possible to use these canes with less or no force to create and cause pleasure without pain.
  • Sensation – √ – √ – Confirmed, both can have serious ouch!! factor, Chick Stick has the mostest.
  • Swoosh Audio – x – x – The self-lubricating, characteristically slippery surface of Delrin reduces the audible swoosh of these canes through the air to almost nothing.   Oh well.
  • Swoosh Feel – x – √ – The swing feels better with the Chick Stick.
  • Thwap Audio – x – x- The audible impact sound of these canes on flesh is unobtrusive, probably for similar reasons as above.
  • Thwap Feel – √ – √ – The thwap feels goooood.
  • Wristy Potential – x – √ – Chick Stick does very well with wristy action.
  • Droolageness – √ – √ – Confirmed, pretteeeeeeeee, want!


The Review Part – About The Rubber Chicken Awards

In the Spanky Toy class, marks will be awarded out of 10 for

  • Sensuality   (how much it can be used to arouse a non-pain-slut)
  • Sensation   (glow, sting, thud, pinkness, marking, pain, and how much – 10 marks each, with a total possible mark of 60)
  • Swoosh   (quality of sound and feel generally)
  • Thwap   (quality of sound and feel from in the hand)
  • Wristness   (quality of response when using wristy techniques)
  • Droolageness   (how much I will want one when I see one)


So, without further ado…

The Review Part – The Irvings


  • Purple Purfler7/10 – Quite sensual in use.
  • Chick Stick7/10 – Also quite sensual in use.


  • Purple Purfler
    • Glow6/10 – Getting a glow from rapid continuous taps can be done with the Purfler, but not as easily as I’d like.
    • Sting8/10 – The Purfler stings a lot, but has a lower sting coefficient relative to thud than the Chick Stick.
    • Thud8/10 – Can be quite thuddy.
    • Pinkness6/10 – Pinkness is achievable without marking.   Weighting the handle to improve the balance might raise this score.
    • Marking7/10 – Oh yes, marks easily.
    • Pain8/10 – Significant ouch factor.
      Overall Sensation Mark43/60


  • Chick Stick
    • Glow8/10 – Getting a glow from rapid continuous light taps is easy peasy.
    • Sting10/10 – The Chick Stick is a whole fucking swarm of stingy.
    • Thud6/10 – The Chick Stick has waaaaayyy too high a sting coefficient for any thud factor to ever have a hope of being detectable.
    • Pinkness7/10 – Easily achievable, some care needs to be taken to avoid marking.
    • Marking9/10 – Leaving marks takes absolutely no effort at all.
    • Pain10/10 – I’d say this has a different character to, but is just as severe as my wand
      Overall Sensation Mark50/60


  • Purple Purfler5/10 – Makes little sound through the air, feels relatively lively in the hand, swing can be troublesome
  • Chick Stick7/10 – Makes little sound through the air, unresponsive in the hand, supremely easy to swing.


  • Purple Purfler5/10 – Makes little sound against flesh, can feel heavy and difficult to control, high effort:reward ratio.
  • Chick Stick7/10 – Makes little sound against flesh, easy to control, feels good in the hand.


  • Purple Purfler4/10 – Much too difficult to use with much in the way of wrist action.
  • Chick Stick8/10 – Supremely simple and pleasurable to wield wristily.


  • Purple Purfler7/10 – Pretty, I like, I want!
  • Chick Stick8/10 – Pretteeee, like, WANT!!


Overall Rubber Chicken Award – Irvings Score Summary

(just because I like to add stuff up)

Purple Purfler‘s features are:

  • Multisexual
  • Sensual
  • Sensationy
  • Thwap Feely
  • Droolagey
    and gets a Rubber Chicken award of

  • 71/110 Irvings

Fluffy Chick Stick‘s features are:

  • Multisexual
  • Sensual
  • Sensationy
  • Swoosh Feely
  • Thwap Feely
  • Wristy
  • Droolagey
    and gets a Rubber Chicken award of

  • 87/110 Irvings


The Review Part – Testimonial Noises From Thwackees

The following are text representations  (did the best I could with the spelling)  of actual testimonial noises made by victims I mean consensual play partners about CCC’s Delrin delectableness, wielded by me.

  • “mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…”   –   kvetch

  • “ahhhhhh…   Aaahhhhhh…   aaaaAAAAAAHHHHhhhhhhhh….”   –   Pickle

  • “ow,  FUCK…  ow.   Hey,  that…  Ow.”   –   Lubyanka   (on self)

  • “Are you SURE this isn’t going to hurt?”   –   a nervous play partner



Even if everything somehow still manages to go all wrong and broken and full of badness  (which it certainly has not so far),  I will still consider this project to have been a success if for no other reason than having introduced our heroine to The Ethos Of Pervertible Stuff – a principle which she has subsequently embraced with enthusiasm.

    (I think this is good evidence that unawareness of the name of a thing is no impediment to a person actually doing it)   :)

    (but I do think knowing helps, and it’s such a cool word!)   :D

Anyhow, she’s doing her best to make up for all the time she lost whilst not knowing that term.   She’s now on a valiant crusade to unfetter, unchain, and unshackle helpless objects from their vanilla torture, to allow them to freely pursue the righteous path of fetters, chains, shackles, and torture.   :p

The Final Furlong


    Given that

  • Purple Purfler was made, however carefully, according to  my  preferences,   and
  • Chick Stick was made with love, according to the preferences and enjoyment of her maker
    I’m wondering if that’s why Chick Stick turned out to be a significantly better cane in use and got more Irvings than Purple Purfler?


  • No dominants, submissives, or gerbils were harmed in the making of these posts.
  • All submissive handling was done under the supervision of the ISPCS  (Irish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Submissives).

And now, the final furlong – From Cane To Pain – Emailery Out-takes.

About Lady Lubyanka

I am a 45 year old musician, and also a multisexual, polyamourous, Jewish, socially dominant woman within my romantic BDSM relationships.
This entry was posted in Audio, BDSM, Consent, definition, Dominance, Domination, Droolworthy Stuff, FemDom, FemDomme, inclusion, Me Me Me Me Me, Mistress, Power Exchange, Respect, Sex Toys, Silly, Skin, spanking, submission, submissive, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Caney Reviewfest – The Irvings

  1. Pingback: Caney Droolfest « Lady Lubyanka

  2. Pingback: From Cane To Pain - Emailery Out-Takes « Lady Lubyanka

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