Some Stuff About My (slightly variable) Comment Policy

Or: A Note On Some Of The Comments Which Don’t Appear

 
I regard my blog as my personal safe space. I can say anything I like here, and I have absolute control over all published text which appears here.
 

    I love that.     :)

 
I also love comments. Even if I don’t like the content of the comment, I do love the comment itself, if that makes any sense. That comment tells me that somebody was here and read what I wrote, and thought about it enough to want to comment.
 

    I think that rocks.     :)

 
Of the people who come here, most of you don’t comment, so I know nothing about you. I really like when you comment so I know you were here, and what you thought. I read every comment which is submitted here.

I know that many more of you come here and read, even if you don’t comment, because my stats page tells me so.     :D     I’m so glad so many of you come. I never thought so many of you would when I started this blog. I had no idea that so many of you would think that what I had to say was so interesting.
 

    Gosh.
     
    And also, yay!     :D

 
 

And Now, Some Nitty Gritty

 
Having said that, however much I enjoy that you were here, and however much I feel validated if people comment, I don’t regard my blog as a free-for-all. It does remain my blog, and as such, I have absolute discretion over what I allow to appear here.

I appreciate that the whole internet is freely available to everybody with a computer and an internet connection. I have no objections to anybody sharing anything they wish to elsewhere on the internet. My control simply covers the length and breadth of this blog. Since this is my blog, I prefer to assert my control so that my blog appears just as I prefer. I feel and assert that this is my right, and my privilege.

I know that I have no obligation to explain my reasoning for allowing one comment and disallowing another. However, it pleases me to share my thinking on this with you. I wanted to ensure that those of you out there who sincerely wish to learn to write comments which are more to my liking would get a chance to learn what I like, just in case you might have been wondering why your comment didn’t appear before.
 
 

I Like Things To Be Respectful And Real

 
Words are extremely important to me. I can only assess the meaning of anything anybody says by the actual words which they choose to use. I feel that I cannot legitimately assume the presence of words which were omitted, and I cannot legitimately assume that included words were used inadvertently or erroneously. The only assumption I feel I can legitimately make is that the comment author knowingly and purposefully chose their words to accurately represent what they meant.

So I go by the actual words which people use, and do not make assumptions based on what I think they   might   have meant (what with the not being able to read minds thingy). If I require clarification, then I ask for it.

Essentially, where I’m going with this is, that if people read the criteria below and felt that they fulfilled everything, I think that if they read over their comment again, they might actually find that they might not have said precisely what they meant to say.
 

    In my experience, this happens a lot.

 
So I just would very much prefer if people took a whole lot more care over how they phrase what they say, so that their comment really does accurately reflect what they mean.
 

    Imagine all the angst this could circumvent if everybody took such care all the time!     :)

 
I know that most of the time, people’s   intentions   are respectful, but sometimes, their messages just don’t seem to come out quite right, for whatever reasons.

Since this blog is my safe space, I want everything which appears on it to actually be respectful   (instead of the author only thinking that it is)   and also to be real   (instead of the author only wishing that it was).
 
 

I Do Like Things To Be Respectful

 
Sometimes comments are submitted which I feel are disrespectful (sometimes blatantly so), and I choose not to allow those comments to appear on my blog. If anybody feels they have a grievance with me or anybody else (whether real or imagined) I do not feel any obligation to publish their personal issues on my blog for everybody to read.

As far as I’m concerned, anybody with such a grievance may either comment respectfully about it on a related blog post, write to me privately, or express their feelings freely elsewhere on the internet. I have no obligation to present my blog as a free forum for anybody else’s flamefest.

I mean, this is my blog. If anybody is going to be doing any flaming around here, it’s me!!.

So there.     :)
 
 
What I Mean By “Respectful”
 

  1. I expect comment authors to personally own and take responsibility for their personal opinions.
     
    For example, the phrase “I think nylon socks are evil” is representative of a person taking responsibility for that opinion, whereas the phrase “Lots of people think nylon socks are evil” disclaims personal responsibility for that opinion.
  2.  
     

  3. I expect comment authors to respect that not everybody feels exactly the same way about everything.
     
    For example, the phrase “I’ve found that lots of people think that nylon socks are evil” is representative of the author appropriately describing an experience and an opinion, whereas the phrase “Everybody knows that nylon socks are evil” unsupportedly includes the human race as a whole, assumes that the totality of the human race agrees with them, exhibits an assumption that the author can read everybody’s mind, and otherwise unacceptably includes everybody indiscriminately.
     
    Also, that kind of comment is much too “One True Way” for me.
  4.  
     

  5. I expect comment authors to acknowledge and clearly express that their personal opinions   are opinions,   and not present their opinions as if they were fact.
     
    For example, the phrase “I think nylon socks are evil” is clearly expressed as a personal opinion, whereas the phrase “Nylon socks are evil” is an opinion presented as if it were fact.
  6.  
     

  7. I expect comment authors to express their opinions without including any requirement that others must agree with and abide by those opinions.
     
    For example, the phrase “I think nylon socks are evil” is an opinion expressed without presenting any expectations from others, whereas the phrase “It is evil to wear nylon socks” indicates an expectation that others must agree with and abide by that idea.
  8.  
     

  9. I expect comment authors to refrain from denigrating the opinions of others.
     
    For example, the phrase “I think your nylon sock thing is stupid” is representative of a respectfully expressed opinion, whereas the phrase “Your nylon sock thing is stupid” is denigrating another person’s opinion.
  10.  
     

  11. I expect comment authors to refrain from name calling, and from gratuitous denigrating remarks (whether directed towards myself or others).
     
    For example, the phrase “I think your thinking is stupid and I think your nylon sock idea is stupid” is (sort of) fine with me, whereas “You’re stupid and your nylon sock idea is stupid” is representative of name calling and a denigrating remark.

 
 
Sometimes I have been informed that “it’s obvious” whether something is an opinion or a fact. My position is that I simply don’t care what somebody else thinks is or is not “obvious”. I (and others) cannot be held responsible for reading an author’s mind, assuming the presence of words which were in fact absent, and/or assuming the absence of words which were in fact included. If the words indicating opinion instead of fact are not included, then I have no way of knowing whether the author meant to include them.
 

    I don’t care how “obvious” any author thinks the meaning of their message is. If their opinions are presented as fact, then I choose not to publish them on my blog.

 
All I need is an “I think” or similar in front of an idea, just to clearly indicate that what is being expressed is being owned as an opinion, and that the author is taking responsibility for that opinion. This may not seem like a lot, but it’s extremely important to me, and you might be surprised how many people leave that out.

This is a hard limit for me, and I will never negotiate it.
 
 

I Do Like A Good Dose Of Reality

 
Sometimes comments are submitted which can go on about “the right way”, “the best way”, or “the most exciting way” to do things as if these were verifiable facts, whilst omitting any concrete indication that these are in fact solely the author’s opinions or inventions. If the message doesn’t include “I think”, “I feel”, “In my experience”, “I have found” or similar, then I consider those ideas to have been presented inappropriately as fact, instead of appropriately as opinions.

Sometimes comments are submitted which I feel are not real. By “not real”, I mean messages which contain instructions or descriptions which I feel were born of fantasy, yet presented as if they were factual experiences of events or people. There is an enormous variety of sources on the internet providing invented fantasy material. I prefer that my blog be a source of actual experiences, and not fantasies presented as if they were fact.
 
 
What I Mean By “Real”
 
Actually, I’ve been having a lot of trouble with this one. I’ve ultimately decided to put what I expect from comment authors in positive terms as to how I expect they can be “real” in their comments, but I think it will be much easier if I describe what I find “unreal” in the examples. I’ve been pondering this portion of the post for several days and I was unable to come up with effective ways of positively describing my personal view of a verifiably real comment. So I will describe the content of those comments I get which seem “unreal” to me as examples.
 

  1. I expect comment authors to truthfully describe their experiences.
     
    For example, descriptions of experiences which don’t resonate with me as being remotely realistically possible with anybody I know include descriptions of extreme circumstances (such as being locked in a cage on the floor for a week with sporadic supervision) without any believable explanations of how they happened.
  2.  
     

  3. I expect comment authors to accurately present and describe their fantasies as fantasies, and not to present them as if they were actual experiences.
     
    For example, stories which remind me too much of fantasy fiction I’ve read elsewhere include descriptions of acts or motivations which seem unrealistic to me with regards to women’s behaviour and motivations, and all too realistic with regards to focusing on the author and/or the author’s fantasies.
  4.  
     

  5. I expect comment authors to present their honest opinions, and if they support those opinions with experiences, to do so with truthful accounts of genuine experiences.
     
    For example, I don’t expect comment authors to use my blog to present invented experiences to titillate themselves and/or to try to impress others. Some experiences I read about in comments just don’t sound possible, such as experiences described from a submissive perspective which either omit entirely or offer only the briefest mention of the dominant’s participation in the experience.
  6.  
     

  7. I expect comment authors, if they wish to offer unsolicited advice, to present that advice as advice and not as actual fact.
     
    For example, some advice which makes no sense to me includes statements such as “You want to do X, so that he will do Y”, or “A is true and B is true, and you will be most excited by C”. Most usually, no reasons are provided as to why I’m supposed to want my submissive to do “Y”, or why “A” or “B” are supposed to be true for everybody, or why I’m supposed to be most excited by “C”. And usually no allowances are made for differing tastes, desires, styles, or goals.
  8.  
     

  9. I expect comment authors to present factual experiences and to provide some kind of context or reason for presenting those experiences, instead of simply finding a convenient blog post and using the comments section to post imaginary fantasies for their own amusement.
     
    For example, some experiences are presented as fact which appear instead to be self indulgent fantasy fiction, such as unrealistic-sounding descriptions of what the author’s (apparently imaginary) Mistress does or did to them.
  10.  
     

  11. I expect that comment authors who make sincere offers to serve me will actually care about what I want. So I expect those comment authors to make their offers in the manner which I specify.
     
    For example, I have had “offers to serve” submitted for posting on random unrelated blog posts, which seemed just totally bizarre. Many of them appeared to simply be lengthy (you might not believe how lengthy some of them are), self-indulgent lists of fantasy activities which the author “offers” to have me do to him.
     

      (for “offers to have me do to him” read “solicits using the ‘do me!!!‘ approach to submission”)

     
    Such “offers” most usually show no evidence of the author having read my Applying For A Position Of Service page, and show no evidence of the comment author having even the tiniest wee bit of interest in what I want. And if they don’t care what I want, I’m certainly not going to give a shit about what the comment author wants.

 
 
As I have no interest in being an unconsenting mouthpiece for other people’s stuff (especially if it conflicts with my personal outlook), I will not allow such comments to be published on my blog.
 
 

Assorted Other Things I Won’t Allow

 

  1. Acrimonious accusations, supported or not, either directed towards myself or others
  2. Bigotry, whether directed towards myself or others
  3. Pontificatey “One True Way” crap
  4. Anything totally irrelevant to the blog post or page being commented on, with no other redeeming features such as wit or wisdom
  5. Anything promoting the “worthless worm” or “do me” approach to submission
  6. Anything I decide I just don’t like, so there, nyah.

 
 

General “Me Me Me Me Me” Stuff

 
I appreciate that I’m using my judgment, and that I have no concrete proof whether somebody’s claimed experiences are fact or fiction. Since this is my blog, I can do whatever I like with it, and I have absolute discretion. So, I use my discretion to decide, and act accordingly.

I appreciate that some comments may not be exhibiting the author’s intentional disrespect to any specific individuals in particular. However, although I regard inadvertent disrespect as more forgivable than the intentional kind, I do regard inadvertent disrespect to be every bit as unacceptable as intentional disrespect, and as such, will not publish it on my blog. I have no personal feelings of anger or animosity towards people who submit such comments, I simply won’t publish the comments.

I am a human being, and as a result I may not always appear to others as being entirely consistent with what I allow and what I deny. Since this is my blog, I feel that it is my privilege and my right to do whatever the hell I like with it. This includes not having to justify my decisions to anybody. And sometimes my decisions may not make sense to you, but I assure you that they will   always   make sense to me.

So that’s what that is all about.

So anyhow, as a courtesy to my lovely readers   (that’s you),   I have outlined my essential criteria here, just in case there’s anybody out there who is genuinely wondering what happened to their comment and hasn’t written to ask me about it.
 
 
In short, I won’t publish all of your comments, but I do love them anyhow.

And I love being a bloggy dominant!     :D

xx Lubyanka.     :)
 
 
ps:   I can’t wait to find out what kind of comments I get for this post, hehe.
 

About Lady Lubyanka

I am a 45 year old musician, and also a multisexual, polyamourous, Jewish, socially dominant woman within my romantic BDSM relationships.
This entry was posted in Consent, correspondence, exclusion, fuckwits, Human Beingness 101, inclusion, Me Me Me Me Me, nudging, Psychology, Respect, This should have been a rant but wasn't. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Some Stuff About My (slightly variable) Comment Policy

  1. Hmmmm… no fantasy stuff? Eeeek!!!!

    Does this mean I have to stop passing myself off as Haldo the Hobbit?

    Seriously, I reckon you’re right right to assert your authority over what is posted on your blog. You set it up, it reflects your tastes and interests, so why should you allow anyone to post anything they like here?

    It’s one of my pet peeves, to be honest, the way (at least this is how it seems to me) that a large number (maybe an overwhelming majority) of people turn off any form of positive social bevaviour when they’re on the ‘net. Hence we get things the most outrageous comments posted on people’s blogs as if it were a public forum. And as for the behaviour of some in forums… *goes off and self-flagellates with a dampened copy of the Radio Times until he calms down*

    Any way, I agree with you, whole heartedly that your blog is yours to do with as you wish and to allow the comments on that you wish. Thus I’ll not take it amiss if you edit out the bit about the Radio Times as this was clearly fantasy; the quality of the paper in the Radio Times is not good enough to suffer such abuse… *shuts up before he goes too far off topic and goes to roast something for supper instead*

  2. Morarwen says:

    I’m glad I’m not alone in this.

    I reserve a special place in my custom-designed Inferno for people who leave comments longer than the initial post – with a downgrading option if they whine about it. Unlike yourself and my hobbit, I don’t do verbosity well, and I get irritated if others push theirs into my face. (Go ahead, say I just envy them…)

    If I’m feeling charitable, I simply delete them. If not, I message back that this is not Hyde Park Corner and to get their own effing soapbox!

    Kicking gatecrashers out can be SO cathartic. Even without resorting to the Rolled-Up Newspaper of Doom.

  3. Hmmmm… no fantasy stuff? Eeeek!!!!

    Does this mean I have to stop passing myself off as Haldo the Hobbit?

    Not at all. Did you miss the part about having other redeeming features such as wit or wisdom?   :)

    Oh, wait, I mean, “Yes, You Must Stop Pretending To Be Somebody You’re Not, You Pretender You, I’m So Insulted Now Already, Oy Vey.”

    Phew, that’s much better.   :D

    It’s one of my pet peeves, to be honest, the way (at least this is how it seems to me) that a large number (maybe an overwhelming majority) of people turn off any form of positive social bevaviour when they’re on the ‘net.

    Actually, I’m not so sure that people “turn off” their positive social behaviour on the net. I really don’t think it’s possible to turn character traits, attitudes, or behaviours on and off. I honestly think it’s more about how quickly certain attitudes are detectable when they are

    1. available to read in plain text
    2. not dressed up, disguised, or mitigated by nonverbal communication, and
    3. when the observer is not being distracted from the bald sentiments by those cues.

    I’m of the opinion that failures or omissions in a person’s thinking and behaviour are present all the time, and are far more likely to be more quickly detectable in text on the internet than they are in face-to-face interactions. I’ve been thinking that, because internet communication is almost exclusively text with no nonverbal cues, and because I think that nonverbal communication such as body language, vocal tone, and facial expression can be used in person to mitigate and/or disguise disrespectful and/or unacceptable attitudes or behaviour, that those elements will detectably manifest much more quickly when those unadorned sentiments are there in plain text and have no place to hide.

    If you think about how many people blame the medium for being a poor communication tool, as if it were appropriate to blame a telephone for an unpleasant conversation? When people blame the internet for their own poor abilities to disguise their sloppy or disrespectful thinking and attitudes, I remember that apt saying “A poor workman blames his tools”.

    I just can’t get away from the fact that people do in fact choose the words they use. If there are misunderstandings, then blaming the medium won’t actually change the fact that the words chosen just weren’t sufficient to get the job done.

    (or perhaps those words got the job done a little too well for the speaker’s liking)

    And blaming the internet doesn’t change the fact that some people are just ratbuckets, whether or not that fact is revealed sooner rather than later.

    Any way, I agree with you, whole heartedly that your blog is yours to do with as you wish and to allow the comments on that you wish.

    Yay, validated, thank you!   :D

    Thus I’ll not take it amiss if you edit out the bit about the Radio Times as this was clearly fantasy; the quality of the paper in the Radio Times is not good enough to suffer such abuse…

    Nah, that’s much too amuseworthy to leave out.   :D

  4. I’m glad I’m not alone in this.

    Me too!   :)

    I reserve a special place in my custom-designed Inferno for people who leave comments longer than the initial post – with a downgrading option if they whine about it. Unlike yourself and my hobbit, I don’t do verbosity well, and I get irritated if others push theirs into my face. (Go ahead, say I just envy them…)

    Oh dear… Ok, I’ll try not to be too verbose at you.   ;)

    Kicking gatecrashers out can be SO cathartic. Even without resorting to the Rolled-Up Newspaper of Doom.

    Hehe. Catharsis rocks.

    I do find that it’s less cathartic to simply neglect to permit submitted comments, as opposed to kicking published commenters out. But I’d rather do it that way, since a comment which isn’t published can’t advocate or provoke anything unacceptable from anybody else, whereas a published comment can lead to all kinds of badness which then must be addressed. I feel that in this case, prevention is far more effective for my purposes than symptomatic treatment.

    Having said that, I love the mental image I now have of the “Rolled-Up Newspaper of Doom”, so I must thank you for that pleasure.   :)

  5. susans.pet says:

    Dear Lady Lubyanka,

    I have been reading your blog for some months, and may have commented. Since you are essentially inviting us “lurkers” to come out of the weeds, here I am.

    You write well. I have made a note in my logs of my current interests under your blog address as “She is a gentle and elegant domina with good grammar and thought.”

    One of the problems that I have, (note that it is not your problem) is that on any date of your posting you cover many subjects. This makes it difficult for me to comment without a lot of words, which would be intrusive. As a result, I will comment on only one or two subjects.

    I would be delighted to have conversations with you on all the subjects that you cover. Alas, this is not the venue. Please keep writing. At least one side of this pending conversation is fascinating.

  6. I have been reading your blog for some months, and may have commented. Since you are essentially inviting us “lurkers” to come out of the weeds, here I am.

    Thank you very much, that’s fantastic.   :)

    One of the problems that I have, (note that it is not your problem) is that on any date of your posting you cover many subjects. This makes it difficult for me to comment without a lot of words, which would be intrusive. As a result, I will comment on only one or two subjects.

    Noted that this isn’t my problem, thank you, I appreciate your clarity.   :)

    Against whom do you think your wordy comments will intrude? I can hardly object to wordiness in the face of my own. Other people’s wordiness doesn’t feel intrusive to me. I do sincerely hope that you will use as many words as you like.

    You are of course welcome to comment on as many or as few points as you wish. A simple smile and a wave, a lengthy treatise, or anything in between would do me.   :)

  7. susans.pet says:

    You are kind. Still, I will try to limit my words, since I tend to be prolific when it comes to writing.

  8. Pingback: I Wish People Would Make Up Their Minds « Lady Lubyanka

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