I’ve recently been reading some blog posts written by people who are confused about why other people might enjoy using capital letters, honourifics, dressing up, feminisation, strap-on cocks, and a few other things. So I thought I’d explore why I like and use those things, and what ownership is about for me.
Just as people, relationships, romantic expression and sexual expression all come in infinitely diverse flavours, colours and textures, BDSM can also be expressed within social relationships in just as many variations. Given the infinitely permutatable possibilities of individual partnership combinations, I reckon there must be even more ways to express BDSM than there are people to express it. This post is about my particular style and approach.
Perhaps I should start with the premise that I get my biggest ever kicks from having a person feel me so inside their head that their biggest ever pleasure is pleasing me, and their biggest ever sadness is disappointing me. That just gets me all gooey and intensely, ooooh, I don’t know, it just feels so perfect. As my own pleasure is rather important and of interest to me (as one might possibly imagine :p ), I quite enjoy pursuing it. (who knew) :p So I’d like to describe how I achieve my ends in different ways.
- Warning – This post may conceivably contain lots of hotness. These are topics of hotness for me. They get me hot. So don’t say I didn’t warn you. ;)
My biggest ever bit of hotness is establishing such an intensely intimate connection with my partner that they will do anything for me. And I really mean anything.
I think that’s hotter than hotness from the planet Hot in the galaxy of Hotula.
A strong capable person with a good dollop of self respect who respects, values and likes me, and whom I respect, value and like – on the floor at my feet begging me to take everything they are for my use and pleasure, addressing me with names only we use together, and looking up at me with that “please use me” look … Well, that just makes me go all melty.
On the other hand, if some stranger does that exact same thing, blindly and unthinkingly offering their worthless unknown carcass for my use, that’s never hot, it’s positively icky. Some random person, thinking so little of themselves that they are willing to sacrifice the pitiful being that they think they are, to somebody they have no idea about, that totally repulses me.
- This only works for me if a person knows and values themselves, knows and values me, and consciously decides that I’m a worthy person to offer themselves to for use as I please.
I also only enjoy what is freely and willingly offered. So part of what I do is to gently encourage my partners to offer more than I want to take. Being offered more than I want to take by my chosen partners is all made up of so much hotness! :)
Capital letters, honourifics such as “Your Holy Armpitness”, and wearing things for my pleasure which they wouldn’t normally wear, all help to reinforce the delicious, lustful, devoted responses I enjoy so much from them.
- (more hotness) :D
And the responses I get from them when I wear and enjoy such things as stockings, boots and corsets also help me feel hot and desired and sexy and confident. Without that, in and of themselves those items of clothing are fairly meaningless.
Well, ok, I don’t think it would all work quite so effectively if I didn’t have such a personal enjoyment factor going on with corsets, leather, and big stompy leather footwear. :)
But I do think that wearing anything which pushes your sensual buttons, flatters your shape, and (most importantly) encourages enjoyment, confidence, style and feels wonderful to wear, is a huge first step towards not only inspiring that all-important lust and devotion from the partners of your choice, but also towards feeling comfortable about accepting it.