Thoughts On The Collar

I was going to write this as a comment to another blog post, but it just grew and grew and I decided to make my own blog post out of it.   ;)

Kvetch's collar with tag I stumbled across the  (sadly no longer available)  blog Journey into submission last week when I was looking for something else, and became riveted by the compellingly straightforward, well written, and intensely personal disclosures in it.   I’ve been looking in regularly since then.   As a top, I find it incredibly helpful to hear what articulate submissives have to say about their perspective.   I must thank Gray Lily very much for that.   :)

After reading it for a few days, I felt that I wanted to announce myself to Gray Lily, to let her know she’d acquired another interested reader.   However, I’ve felt hesitant to comment on her posts because I felt somewhat disturbed by several elements of the d/s dynamic she describes.

This is not to say that I do not respect Gray Lily’s right to make whatever choices she feels is right for her.   This is also not to say that Gray Lily’s choices are necessarily detrimental ones for her.   I also do not in any way wish to enforce my views on how to conduct a d/s relationship according to my ethos.

(well, actually, I  do  wish to enforce those, but my ethos also requires me to respect other people’s entitlement to live according to their own views and boundaries, so you can see my problem)

I also am aware that I am not in full possession of all the facts on the matter on which I will be opining today.   Well, actually, I will be opining on a topic, an idea, a concept, which came up because of this blog post, and subsequently this blog post  (sadly no longer available online).   And it is  that  story about which I am aware that the only facts I have at my disposal are the ones disclosed by Gray Lily in her posts.

    Because the posts are no longer available online, I’ll outline a brief summary of the account which inspired this post.  

    After a conflict between herself and her dominant, Gray Lily’s dominant chose to temporarily take possession of the collar he’d given her.   After an interval  (I don’t remember how long)  he returned it to her.  

    I wrote this post because I wanted to explore the idea of giving something deeply symbolic like a collar, taking it back temporarily and then returning it again.

I feel quite sure there are other facts and perspectives which Gray Lily didn’t mention, partly because she didn’t know them  (e.g. the events from her dominant’s perspective),  and partly because other facts may have seemed insignificant to her, or just too private and/or uncomfortable for her to include in her post.

So anyhow I wanted to introduce myself to Gray Lily, but I was finding it difficult to think of comments to make on her posts which weren’t confrontational.   I am entirely aware that I don’t know the whole story, and that my opinions don’t matter a toss when it comes to other people’s relationship and life choices.   But I found it difficult to compose a comment which respected her style and choices because there are quite a few things in those posts which I disagree with.  

Vive la différence.   :)

After reading Gray Lily’s posts, I found I was thinking about the idea of a collar, what different things it means to different people, and the various sentiments it can represent within a d/s dynamic.   This post is about my exploration of these ideas about the collar, so I thank you Gray Lily, for writing such a thought-provoking post which inspired this one.   :)

    (I’m sure multitudes of other people have written similar thoughts to what I am expressing today.   I just want you to know, I don’t care.   I’m going to express myself.   It’s my blog, and I’ll cover old ground if I want to.   So there.   nyah.   :p )


About Lady Lubyanka

I am a 45 year old musician, and also a multisexual, polyamourous, Jewish, socially dominant woman within my romantic BDSM relationships.
This entry was posted in BDSM, BDSM dating, Power Exchange, Psychology, serf. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Thoughts On The Collar

  1. Gray Lily says:

    You are most welcome, Lady Lubyanka.

    Thank you for reading my blog and your thorough and insightful response to my posts. I am always looking for Dominants into whose mind I can sneak via their blogs and yours will surely continue to be on my list.



  2. Lady Lubyanka says:

    I’m delighted you’re not too annoyed that I dissected your posts and picked through them like a big all-you-can-eat buffet. :) I was a bit concerned that My thoughts might end up feeling a bit intrusive.

    I hereby award Myself the Cool Way To Meet Other Bloggers By Posting About Them award. :D

    Let it be now known that the Mutual Appreciation Society is now in session, and Mutual Appreciation of each other’s blogs may now continue forthwith.

    Let it also be known that Mutual Mind Sneakage shall be permitted therein, and thus Appreciateth and Sneakageth may ensue, verily.

    And lo, there was much Sneakaging, and Appreciataging, and there was much rejoicing.


  3. Gray Lily says:

    LOL! Sounds like a plan to me!

    I am nothing if not open-minded, especially when it comes to opinions in the D/s world.

    One thing I realized this morning is that I would feel very different about Mr Stern taking his collar back if we had had a collaring ceremony and made it more “official.” As it is, it hurt like losing a friend and I was completely grateful to have it back.

    Just another little nugget from my side of the rainbow :-)


  4. Lady Lubyanka says:

    Ooh, that’s interesting. Do you think you would feel differently about the collar itself, as well as what it represents, if it had been offered and accepted in a more formal, stylised ceremony?

    I’m going to have to think about that one Myself. ;)

    Thanks for the nugget. Mmmmmmm, tasty thought goodness. :)

    Smiles from

    Lubyanka. :)

  5. Pingback: A Slave's Collar - Femdom Blogs - Interesting Words on Female Domination, Male Submission Sorted by Theme

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