Notice

 
Just so you know, I may possibly be offline for a few weeks.

See you when I get back.   :)
 

A Spleeny Announcement

 
Well, it looks like the two-year anniversary of my blog came and went on 20 April without anybody noticing, including me.

Oh well.

I never envisioned any kind of time frame when I started blogging.   I suppose I thought at the time  (and still think)  that I’ll blog til I don’t want to anymore, and then I’ll stop.   I’m sure this is because of my commitment issues, with, you know, committing to anything.
 

So I’ve already been blogging for two years.   Gosh, and  yay!

 
I had already been embroiled in the throes  (well, maybe a throe and a half)  of a new project when I noticed that the two year milestone had already slipped right under my Jewish schnozz, without even a wave or a peep or anything.  

Still, I thought it was quite fitting that my new project was evolving around this timely landmark.
 
 

The Announcement

 
Because I’ve been so tangled up in my new project, I haven’t been posting here for awhile.   So I know that this announcement will be especially welcomed by those who have missed my updates here in blogland.   Now, the announcement I’m about to make isn’t actually to do with my two-year bloggy anniversary or anything.   Nevertheless, it’s a funky cool time to be making  (what I think is)  a funky cool announcement.   :)

Perhaps the best way to do this is just to show you.
 

Yes indeed, I have ventured into the world of bloggy audio, and …
I have now become a spleencaster!

 
I’ve done all of it myself, the art, the music, everything.   As you might imagine, a lot of this stuff is still work in progress, so I’m sure you’ll understand that my first offering isn’t just the super duper bestest spleencast ever.
 

That’s why I called it  The Spleen Test.

 
If you’re curious about how to publish podcasts on wordpress.com, I published a brief guide over at Spleencast Central outlining how I did it.
 
 

And Now – Some Subscribey Buttons

 
These are the spleencast-friendly Feedburner RSS feeds to zoom your spleencasts straight into your spleencatcher! :)
 

  • Audio-only mp3           • Enhanced m4a
   
    – For all podcatchers.         – For iTunes software.
                                                              – with text, images, links.

 
 

• Both formats               • Via iTunes
   
      – All audio releases.             – iTunes subscribathon.

 
 
Easy spleencatching steps:

• Right click on subscribey button
• Select “Copy Link”
• Open podcatcher of choice
• Paste link into subscribe-to-podcast
• Enjoy spleencasts

 
Welcome to the Spleen Zone.   Happy listening.   :)
 

Doing Workshopnesses

 
I’m going to be doing some floggy workshopnesses!

If you’re free on Saturday evenings  (one each in March and April),  and would like to learn more about how to do floggage,  and  if you’d like to meet me, do please contact the very gloritudinous  Miss Clippin  who is fabulously handling all the bookings and queries:

missclippin   (at)   yahoo   (dot)   fr

 
 
On  28 March, 2009,  I will be doing my Elementary Floggage workshop in Dublin.   This workshop covers basic skills in the sensual use of the flogger, which in this case is a many tailed whip, most usually with a solid handle.   This workshop can benefit any member of the floggist community from beginner to reasonably skilled.
 
On 11 April, 2009,  I will be doing my Therapeutic Floggage workshop in Dublin.   This is a more advanced workshop drawing on techniques covered in Elementary Floggage.   This workshop is about using what I call “safe touch” and body work in conjunction with flogging to stimulate relaxation in the floggee.
 
Both workshops are going to be at the Outhouse on Capel Street, on a Saturday evening from 17:00  -  20:00.   Participants will be asked to contribute  €10  (to cover venue costs).   Both workshops have limited availability,  so  booking is really essential.

For booking essentialiness and further information, please contact the extra special administrativey-handley  Miss Clippin  at:

missclippin   (at)   yahoo   (dot)   fr
 
If you need to cancel your booking, please be sure to contact the fabulous  Miss Clippin  as soon as possible.

 
 
For more details than you probably want to know, please see the

Workshopness Linkfest page

Elementary Floggage detailfest page

Therapeutic Floggage explanatoriness page

Flogger Advicefest party page

Workshop Accessibility Stuff itemisathon page

 
 
Please be aware that the quite gloritudinous  Miss Clippin  is fabulously handing all of that scary administrative stuff, so please contact  her   (not me!)  for booking, queries, and cancellations at

missclippin   (at)   yahoo   (dot)   fr

 
 
See you there!   :)
 

Bigging Up The Aeropress

 
It’s time to talk coffee.   This post is coffee-centric.   More particularly, I would like to focus on one specific coffee gadget.   And even more particularly than that, I want to focus on the Aeropress.

In addition to other delicious polycarbonate accessories which brighten up my life, the Aeropress is the single most useful coffee gadget I’ve ever had.   It’s

• inexpensive
• small
• portable
• lightweight
• durable
• runs on elbow grease and hot water
• requires minimal cleaning and maintenance
• easy and cheap to use
• makes fabulous coffee

 
 
This is my method of making one mug of Aeropress coffee.   For Aeropressing for more people, have a look down the bottom.

To be honest, I really made this guide so that kvetch could make me coffee the way I like it.   He hasn’t really got the hang of all this Aeropress business yet.

I’ll let you know how he gets on.   :)
 
 

Contentosity

 

• Things You Will Need
• First Things First
• Creating Your Beverage
• Extra Bits
• Storage
• Cleaning
• Making Multiple Cups
• Bean Grindage
• Healthosity And Safetyness
• Mind The Gap And Other Aeropressing Techniquathons
• Aeropress Visual Demonstratathon

 
 

Aeropressing

 
Things You Will Need
 

• Coffee beans ground for a filter machine
• A kettle, with water in it, set to boil.
• Fresh water for rinsing
• A bin for the used coffee grounds
• The Aeropress and all of its constituent parts
• funnel  (if you are grinding your own beans)
• plunger
• base
• filter screw cap
• filters
• scoop
• T-shaped stirrer

 
 
First Things First
 

1. Put the kettle on.
2. Orient the Aeropress vertically so the black perforated filter screw cap is topmost.

 

I left it like this the last time I made coffee.   Yum.
 
 

3. Carefully and gently unscrew the black filter cap counter clockwise, watching to ensure no spillage of coffee grounds (if any are present from prior use).

 


See?   Grounds.

 
 

4. If the round paper filter is outside the filter holder and stuck to the grounds, carefully remove it and set it to one side.

The Aeropress filters are perfectly suitable for many re-uses  (until they tear or perforate).
 

And the sun came out as I was doing this.   :)
 
 

5. Take the Aeropress over to the bin and invert it so that the coffee grounds are now aimed downwards.
6. Grasp the Aeropress very firmly  (your hands and the Aeropress will both need to be dry)  -  carefully push the plunger to evacuate the grounds into the bin.

The plunger can be stiff to start and can move very suddenly when dry!   Take good care to keep fingers and skin clear of being pinched between the plunger and base.
 

7. Leaving the plunger fully plunged, rinse the end of the plunger and the end of the base.
8. Separate the plunger from the base and set both pieces to one side.
9. If there was a paper filter in the Aeropress from prior use, rinse it well, and rinse the black perforated filter cap.
10. Put the wet filter  (or a new one)  in the filter cap

 


There’s the filter, and there’s the cap.

 
 

11. Screw the filter cap firmly clockwise into the base of the Aeropress.

 

My favourite mug  -  a present from kvetch.   :)
 
 
Creating Your Beverage
 

12. Ensure your mug of choice is sitting securely on a non-slip surface.
13. Orient the Aeropress vertically with the filter cap at the bottom.
14. Place the base of the Aeropress on top of the mug.

 

This is a good visual demonstration of what will happen if you use a mug which is just the teensiest smidge too small for the base of the Aeropress.   It still works, though.   Note the benefits of using a generously sized mug.
 
 

15. Fill the scoop with coffee grounds, leaving approximately 0.5cm gap at the top.

 


Fill the scoop with thiiiiiiis much.

 
 

16. Empty the scoop into the Aeropress.
• See below for making more than one cup and grinding your own beans for use with the Aeropress.

 

17. Hot water should be no warmer than approximately 85˚ centigrade.   If the kettle has just boiled, add a goodly dollop of cold water and swish it around.
18. Add hot water to the grounds in the base of the Aeropress, up to approximately 1 cm from the top.
19. Stir the water and the grounds with the T-shaped stirrer for about 10 seconds.

 

The coffee drains even when not plunging, so that is why there is more than 1 cm of space at the top in this picture.
 
 

20. Put the plunger into the top of the Aeropress and carefully yet firmly push the plunger down.
21. Push the plunger down no further than 1 cm from the grounds.

You will know when you are nearly there because the water will have emptied out and the plunger will produce a schhhhh - type sound.
 


mmmmmmmmmmschhhhhhhhh…

 
 

22. Add milk, sugar, stir, or do whatever other finishing touches you may require.

 


I like sugar in my coffee.   :)

 
 

23. Et voilá!   Slurp and enjoy!

 
 

Extra Bits

 
Storage  -  Usually, when I’ve finished making coffee, I turn the Aeropress upside down and leave it until the next time.   Because the filter and perforated filter cap both allow air to circulate, the grounds and the filter will both dry out instead of going mouldy, so the Aeropress can safely be stored like this for some time.
 

Easy storage  =  Energy saver  =  Environmentally friendly  =  Me less cranky
 
 
Cleaning  -  The rubbery foot of the plunger creates an airtight seal within the cylindrical base, resulting in syringe-like, wipe-clean properties when plunging.   Because of this, rinsing the bottom of the plunger and base after evacuating the coffee grounds, and rinsing the filter and black perforated filter cap is the sum total of cleaning required for the Aeropress.

Easy peasy.   :)

(My energy is a valuable commodity, y’know.   It’s worth saving.   You wouldn’t like it when I’m cranky.   The environment could get damaged.)
 
 
Sharing The Goodness
 
The above instructions are for making one mug of Aeropress coffee.   For more cups, simply

• Add one scoop of coffee as shown for each person
• Plunge into one receptacle
• Divide the result equally between the required number of cups
• Dilute each with hot water

 
It is possible to plunge directly into the appropriate number of cups and dilute each with hot water.   However, I find this difficult to measure out evenly, because the water continues to drain even when the plunger is not in place, or is in place without being actively depressed.   So I prefer to plunge into one receptacle when I’m Aeropressing for multiple people, and then divide everything out afterwards.
 
 
Bean Grindage
 
If you are grinding your own coffee beans, fill the scoop with beans to approximately an 0.5cm gap at the top for each person  (as with grounds),  before adding them to the coffee grinder.
 

Just pretend there’s beans in there instead of grounds, k?
 
 
Use the funnel provided with the Aeropress to empty the freshly ground coffee from the grinder into the Aeropress.
 
 
Healthosity And Safeness
 

• Take good care to keep fingers and skin clear of being pinched between the plunger and base when plunging, especially when the Aeropress is dry.   Aeropressy pinching can be very sore.   Trust me.
• A non-slip surface for your mug during Aeropressing will help drastically reduce the chances of a scalding accident.
• Ensure that you depress the plunger with both hands with your head positioned directly over the mug.   This will help dramatically reduce the chances of upsetting the mug and its scalding contents.
• Take care to keep the Aeropress on top of the mug during the pressing.   The base of the Aeropress can slip around on mugs with larger circumferences.

 
A Note To The Aeropress People  -  I think that a grippy rubber surface  (similar to that of the plunger foot)  on the underside of the flange of the base might help to improve Aeropress safety in use with larger mugs.

 
 
Mind The Gap And Other Aeropressing Techniquathons
 

• Note the gap between the end of the plunger  (the thin black ring pressing against the inside of the cylinder)  and the coffee grounds at the base of the Aeropress  (now oriented upwards).   You will know when you are nearly there because the water will have emptied out and the plunger will produce a schhhhh - type sound.

  That 1cm gap must be maintained for the best tasting coffee.   My experience is that if the grounds get squashed, the coffee will taste bitter.

 

See?   This is how I left it the last time, gap and all.
 
 

• Always unscrew the filter cap before removing the plunger from the base.   Removing the plunger is easier without the filter blocking the airflow, and anyhow such removal can damage the filter, especially when it’s wet.   The filter must be replaced if that happens.   Otherwise you will get grounds in your coffee.
• Hot water should be no warmer than approximately 85˚ centigrade.   If the kettle has just boiled, add a goodly dollop of cold water and swish it around.   My experience is that f the water is too hot, the coffee will taste bitter.
• Depress the plunger at about the same speed as with a cafetière.   Unlike a cafetière, there is no need to wait after stirring.

 

This is what it’s all about!   Slurpworthy coffee  -  just what’s needed on those days when one is feeling especially slug-like.   Mmmmmm, a delicious extra boost.
 
 

Aeropress Visual Demonstratathon

 
And now, for a quick visual bit of helpfulness.   :)
 

 
 

Time For Kvetch To Make Coffee

 
Ok kvetch, now that you know how to make my coffee the way I like it, I’d like you to go make me some!   I sure could use a pick-me-up after schlepping through this guide.

And cake.   Mmmmmm, caaaaake…

Thank you dahlink.   *mwah*   :D
 
 

Tune In For Another Thrilling Episode!

 
Next week, kvetch learns that popcorn must be shaken, not stirred.

(with a bonus extra featurette on how to salvage pans with burnt-on stuff in the bottom)
 

What It Takes To Get A Trim Around Here

 
I never before thought of my strapon as something to use to get my hair cut.   But I’m beginning to consider trying it out.

But first, a bit of background.
 
 

Wooed By The Dark Side

 
Some of you might have noticed in recent months that my hair has slowly but surely been wooed and courted by The Dark Side.   Having partially succumbed to teh evil  (yet undoubtedly remaining within reach of redemption),  my hair has now been persuaded to move to the city of Toolong, on the planet known as Tattyendedness.

Because my hair is so very long, and because I spend so very much time ignoring it, I don’t have a regular hairdresser I go to.   My hair care regime most usually comprises the following elements:

• I brush it before I wash it
• I wash it whenever I can’t get away without washing it
• I get a trim once every few years

That’s it.
 
 
Anyhow, that strict, disciplined maintenance schedule has worked for me for the last … oh … well … forever.
 
 
Over the last four months or so, I’ve been sort of casually looking into getting a trim every now and again when I pass a likely looking hair place.   But the prices have been putting me right off.

I mean, for fuck’s sake, I don’t want a swanky new hairdo, I don’t want a wash, style, or blow dry.   I do want a couple of inches trimmed off, straight across the bottom.   And it doesn’t even matter to me if the result isn’t perfectly T-square-straight.   Since my hair is wavy to the point of curly, the trim won’t look perfectly straight even if it is.
 

(although I do appreciate that hair professionals are supposed to do care about doing these things properly)

 
 

No Thank You – I Don’t Want My Hair Ripped Out

 
I really, really HATE other people handling my hair.   Most people, including professional hair specialists, are not familiar with the foibles and quirks of very long hair, and as a result they usually awkwardly and thoughtlessly cause me pain when they handle it.   In practice, what this means is that a goodly amount of my hair usually gets carelessly, painfully, and unconsensually ripped from my scalp by the roots.   This can happen when hairdressers forget that:

• Long hair can be tangled round their hand without them realising, even when their hand is quite a distance from my head  -  they remain oblivious to this only until after they move too quickly, too soon  (at which point the obliviousness instantly returns  -  rinse, repeat)
• A hand isn’t the only hairdressing implement which can have hair unwittingly tangled round it  (comb, brush, hand-held hair dryer, free-standing hair dryer)  -  which they can also move too quickly, too soon  (not forgetting the inevitable return of the obliviousness afterwards)
• Long hair can irrevocably wrap around the motor of a hair dryer multiple times  -  they usually only realise this tiny detail after they attempt to take the dryer away  (inevitably too quickly, and inevitably forgetting again each and every time)
• Long hair can wrap around a comb, hairbrush, or hair dryer motor multiple times, and once it’s done that, it’s there for life  -  nobody benefits from having to sit there for hours whilst some idiot indulges themselves with futile attempts to unpick the hair from wherever it’s been carelessly allowed to permanently tangle  (how many times can this be done whilst also forgetting that it can happen?   An infinite number, apparently)

 
Any number or combination of those events invariably happens during my visit, et voilà!

1. My scalp has significantly fewer hairs in it
2. I’m protesting my unnecessary and avoidable pain for the umpteenth time
3. The hairdresser gives me a barely credible “sorry”  (also for the umpteenth time)

 
I mean, if they were that sorry, why do they keep fucking doing it??

 
So it isn’t only that I don’t  need  them to wash/dry/style my hair, I also feel very unhappy  (and reasonably cautious)  about forking over a huge wad of cash for the dubious privilege of having a significant amount of my hair ripped out.
 

I am not a masochist.

So, no thanks.

 
 

Biting The Bullet

 
So anyhow, my  (legitimate)  fear of having all my hair ripped out was finally outweighed by how fed up to the back teeth I got with having this long tatty mess getting in my way all the time.   And I started seriously looking for a place to get my trim where I wouldn’t have to fork over what I felt was a ridiculous amount of cash for the debatable privilege of having my hair unconsensually extracted in a rootly and painful fashion.

I looked into a couple of places, but they were way more expensive than I felt comfortable with.   I bitched about this to a couple of friends of mine, and one of them offered what sounded like a very good suggestion of trying a barber instead of a hairdresser.

So with that in mind, I decided to really focus on getting my hair trimmed.
 
 

Schlepping Myself All Over The Place

 
I’m not going to include a synopsis of every single hair place I tried, because that would just be more boring than… 

than a really boring thing.  

I’ve got pictures of the last seven or so places I tried, so I’ll synopsise those.   My experiences at those establishments reflect similar experiences I’ve had trying to get my hair trimmed over the last four months
 
 

 

• Freedom Hair And Beauty in a former jeweller’s premises.   £17.50 for their most basic  (mandatory)  wash, and trim.   They refused to trim unless I also allowed them to wash my hair.  

  So, moving swiftly on….

 
 

 

• After a companionable bitch with some friends about all this, I tried The Continental Barbers.   The resident hair professional had one customer whom he was just finishing up.   Nobody else was waiting in the otherwise empty shop.   He wouldn’t even quote me a price, simply citing the fact that I wasn’t a man  (tell me something I don’t know),  which somehow prohibited him from trimming my hair.

  This was the first instance when I considered walking into a barber’s whilst wearing my strapon, to see if that would make any difference.

 
 

 

• Next I tried A2K Hair.   £30.00 for their  (again, mandatory)  wash, and trim.  

  Moving onwards…

 
 

 

My next stop was Rogue Hair Consultants.   I’d actually been there once before for my last trim in 2005.   At that time, I’d also experimented with getting a stripe of bright red colour.   I’d had the usual problems with them ripping my hair out.   £36 for their  (I’m now realising, inevitably mandatory)  wash, and a trim.

 
 

 

• The delightfully fruity young man at Lloyd Smith Hairdressing told me apologetically that my trim would cost £37.50 including the mandatory wash.  

  However, I did get a glass of water out of them from the water cooler, conveniently located near the door.

 
 

 

• A garishly circus-like paint job decorated the front of Botanic Barbers  -  The Continental II.   Again, the resident hair professional was just finishing up with one customer, with nobody else waiting in the otherwise empty shop.   Again I was refused service.  

  This time I asked if a man came in with long hair, would he cut it?  

  “It depends.” quoth he.

  Hmmm.   Thoughts of the strapon again drift through my mind.

  Upon hearing what I was looking for, the man quoted me £5.00 for the trim which he was nevertheless refusing to do on my penisless carcass.  

  Poor creature, how he must suffer every time he passes a hole in the road.

  Please note that both of the barbers I tried advertise styling and colouring as hair services they offer.   Yet neither would offer me a straightforward dry trim.

 
 

 

• I trundled wearily up the stairs into Hair Traffic, and explained to the sympathetic woman what I was looking for and why I was uncomfortable with allowing my hair to be washed and handled.   She asked me when I’d last washed my hair  (±20 hours ago  -  the first time I was asked this),  and she agreed to give me a dry trim by one of their younger hairdressers at the child’s rate of £9 pounds!!

  SUCCESS!!

 
 

Fuck Me

 
I must say that I am really surprised at the huge numbers of hair places to be found all round the place within such a relatively short distance of each other.   I don’t usually notice them because they’re  (usually, until now)  not what I’m looking for.   Is there really that much demand for hair professionals?

Gosh.

I’ve never documented my efforts to get a trim before.   Now that I’ve done it, I am absolutely astounded at the stupendous amount of effort involved in getting a pain-free trim.

Essentially, my issues with this whole caring-for-my-hair business turned out to be these:

• I don’t  need  them to wash/dry/style my hair
• I feel  very  unhappy about forking over a wad of cash to have my hair ripped out
• I feel  quite  unhappy about paying anybody for the privilege of instructing them how to avoid ripping my hair out
• I feel really unhappy about having my hair ripped out regardless of my careful instructions
• I feel really unhappy that the default situation for trimming my hair is that my hair will be ripped out

 
 
Points To Note
 

• I am not a masochist
• I am not a humiliation junkie
• I am not a pain junkie

 
So, no thanks, and fuck off.

 
No bloody wonder I get my hair trimmed so very infrequently.
 
 
Anyhow, if all that schleppage is what it takes to get a reasonably priced, pain-free trim around here, then I’m just going to get kvetch to do it next time.   Anything must be better than all this kerfuffleness.

And look, I didn’t even get that good of a blog post out of it!

I don’t care if my hair gets all crooked.   Next time, kvetch is doing it for me.

He’s got til 2011 to learn how.