—– Original Message —–
From: Leandrai
To: bdsmireland-owner@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Saturday, June 20, 2009 1:24 PM
Subject: Complaint of Bullying and Harassment

I wish to complain, in accord with your new guidelines, that the member known as “Fig367″ repeatedly used a second identity to harass, bully and abuse the member known as “Lady Lubyanka”, who was then banned and excluded from your group as a direct result of seeking redress for this and other acts of personal exclusion.

I also wish to affirm that I was present in West Cork in summer 2006 when Fig367 was quite open about his second “Dunravin2002″ identity and would be prepared to swear a formal affidavit to that effect.

I would also like to point out that the, apparently unique, degree of systematic exclusion of Lady Lubyanka may well be in direct contravention of the Equal Status Acts 2000 -2008 on several grounds.

Known as:

Leandrai

—————————————-

You see, I was recently sent a copy of a revision made to the BDSMIreland rules earlier this month.

I found it curious that they seemed to be courting my approval in some way because the:

“All members’ posts are moderated” that was put in place in early 2006 to suppress information about at least one, and perhaps two, serious problems that had arisen resulting in one irrefutably innocent party being banned, and another never being heard from again was changed back to the original “All members’ posts are moderated to begin with.”.

I left BDSMIreland in early 2006 because I was disgusted by the way one of these problems had been suppressed, but when Kahli persuaded me to return in Summer 2006 I simply had no idea about the blanket moderation, because I was given unmoderated status after my first couple of posts (as anyone can see if they check back through the headers of my posts). I only found out that the whole list was moderated when Fig367 arbitrarily reset my unmoderated status, against Kahli’s expressed wishes.

Kahli was furious with him and prepared to return my unmoderated status but she also refused to send my very personal and sincere farewell message to the group because it mentioned my previous inmoderated status…and if people saw that everyone would wonder why they were moderated and I was not.

I made it clear that for adults to be monitored and censored like that, by anyone, let alone by other adults who are, supposedly, close, and even “intimate” friends, is a form of unhealthy, abusive and disrespectful control I wanted no further association with.

Since then I have had an whole other education on WHY that was a better choice for me to make than I ever knew.

But suddenly they reverse the offending rule…and, coincidentally, of course, a variety of people have lately found the most peculiar and ingenious pretexts to approach me, to which my answer is simple (to post it here saves me copying and pasting it to anyone ELSE):

***
I will never be back, nor wish to be.

The way I have seen people in the scene behave I would not insult myself by associating with them, and I see a new “rising dynamic” that is even worse, that I do not want NEAR my life on any terms.

I am just glad to be out of it…and in it all, I can honestly say there is only one single person I actually miss, and that is the one person I would have to avoid anyway…always…
***

But that is not all.

To add insult to injury, the ban on “blog posts” has been lifted. Apparently it was only ever, intended to apply to you (what else is new?).

But the part that made me rabid is that in the section:
“FLAMING / BULLYING & HARRASSMENT: *updated*”
…they go on to condemn every, single thing that they have done to you, while still excluding you, without apology.

This amounts to a recognised and highly destructive pattern of interpersonal abuse and bullying, not just the standard “blame the victim” but a far deeper, more damaging and depersonalising message that everybody matters and deserves respect…except you.

Or, to put it another way, it is a more sophisticated version of throwing stones at the outcast for spite.

Obviously, we have both been the subject of different types of attention since these new guidelines, because we did not notice quickly enough.

I leave it to your imagination how insulted I am that anyone would believe all they have to do is chuck me a few crumbs of phoney congeniality and I will cheerfully join them in throwing stones at the designated outcast – when I wouldn’t even do THAT at gunpoint…

L