Some Thoughts About Owning Slaves

Kvetch Hotness

 

I’ve been reading recently, on some very well written and amuseworthy blogs, about people who don’t understand about using capital letters, honourifics, dressing up, feminisation, strapon cocks, and a few other things. So I thought I’d explore why I like and use those things, and what owning a slave is about for me.

There would appear to be so very many ways to be a dominant, and to dominate. There must be at least as many ways to be a submissive, and to submit. I’m sure all of them are equally right and valid as long as everything is honest and informed and consensual and stuff. This post is about my particular style and approach.

Perhaps I should start with the premise that I get my biggest ever kicks from having a person feel me so inside their head that their biggest ever pleasure is pleasing me, and their biggest ever fear is displeasing me. That just gets me all gooey and wet and intensely, ooooh, I don’t know, it just feels so perfect. As my own hotness and pleasure are rather important and of interest to me, I quite enjoy pursuing things that make me feel hot and/or pleased. ( who knew :p ) So I’d like to describe how I use different elements towards achieving those ends.
 
 

But First, Some Hotness

 

• Warning: Hot feelings may conceivably happen a lot in this post. This is a hot topic for me. It gets me hot. And wet. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. ;)

 
My biggest ever bit of hotness is the psychological domination of a slave, to the point where they will do anything for me. And I really mean ANYTHING. As far as I’m concerned it just doesn’t get any hotter than that. To have a strong, capable man who likes and respects himself, and whom I like and respect, on the floor at my feet, begging me to take everything that he is for my use and pleasure, calling me “Mistress”, and looking up at me with that “please use me” look in his eyes… well, that just makes me go weak at the knees, and melt.

It also gets me very very very wet.

This doesn’t work if it’s some stranger doing it, some new submissive whom I know nothing about, blindly and unthinkingly offering his worthless carcass for my use. That’s just icky. I can’t possibly enjoy the idea of what appears to me to be some random person, thinking so little of themselves that they are willing to sacrifice the pitiful being that they think they are, to somebody they have no idea about. It only works if a person knows and values themselves, knows and values me, and consciously decides that I’m a worthy person to offer themselves to for use as I please.
 
 
mmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMM! Yummylicious. :)
 
 
It doesn’t please me to take anything that isn’t freely and willingly on offer. So part of what I do is to gently encourage my slave to offer more than I want to take. Being offered more than I want to take is all made up of so much hotness. :)

When interacting with my slaves, utilising such things as capital letters when referring to myself to a slave, asking them to use lower case letters to refer to themselves when writing to me, requesting the use of honourifics such as “Lady”, and asking them to wear intimate things for my pleasure which they wouldn’t normally wear, all help to reinforce the delicious, lustful, devoted, submissive responses I enjoy from them.
 
 
( aaaaaaaaaaand, there goes that hotness again :D )
 
 
And the responses I get from them when I wear and enjoy such things as stockings, boots, and corsets, is all about why I use them, and not about those elements, in and of themselves.

Well, ok, I don’t think it would all work quite so effectively if I didn’t have such an enjoyment factor going on with corsets, leather, and big stompy leather footwear. But I do think that wearing any clothing which pushes your sensual buttons, which flatters your shape, and most importantly, clothes which you can convincingly and expressively wear and carry off with enjoyment, confidence, and style, is one route towards inspiring that all-important lust and devoted submission from the slave of your choice.
 
 

First Principles

 
For me, this is not just for erotic moments. This is for all the time. My whole approach only works if I feel like I am what I’m doing 100% of the time. This does not mean I’m bossing kvetch around all the time.

Well, it sort of does. ;)

Mostly it’s like, even if I don’t feel like dealing with something, I can ask kvetch to deal with it, and he will, because I want to have a lie down with a book and a cigarette. But the whole description below in my post only works if I consider myself to be superiour to kvetch 100% of the time. To me, this most definitely is an entire lifestyle, and not just something for the bedroom.

I don’t think it would be possible to really and truly own a slave if I didn’t feel this was something which was ongoing 100% of the time.

The primary important thing to achieve right at the start is to establish that I am not only superiour to them, but also that I am generally a superiour being. Establishing this helps to ensure that my approach and goals feel embraceable, achievable, and desirable. This is very important.

 
When I use the term “superiour” in this context, I mean I am:

• The Boss
• A High Quality Person
• Worthy Of Being Submitted To
• Higher Ranking

 
 
I do not mean “superiour” in the sense of being:

• Better than kvetch
• More important than kvetch
• Of greater priority than kvetch
• Condescending to kvetch

 

Additionally, I have clear goals of what I wish to achieve for and with my slaves. Mostly this has to do with emotional, intellectual, and personal development. I wish to help them to grow and develop their fullest potential as human beings. And I wish to do this in such a way as to help them want this for themselves as well.

One thing I remember vividly:

I was talking with somebody about ownership, and emotional barriers. The slave I was speaking with had been undergoing a carefully planned programme of emotional/psychological influence, conditioning, and training. As a result of that process, a lot of her emotional barriers were skillfully dismantled, or rearranged to suit her dominant. I asked kvetch what he thought about this, and he said something which has always stayed with me since he said it:
 

“You don’t dismantle my barriers. You show me my barriers so I may dismantle them myself.”

 
I remember feeling… like…. well, hearing that gave me a huge dose of the warm fuzzies. :)
 
 
( whoops, more hotness, I did warn you )
 
 

Some Stuff On Ownership Feelings

 
When I talk with kvetch about me owning him, one of the first things which always comes up is his feelings of security, tranquility, and comfort at the idea that I’m his owner. Feeling owned is something which he craves. I’m not exactly sure yet precisely how this works, but I think there’s a lot to do with responsibility, guilt, self blame, and poor self image in there. I shall expand on this a bit:
 
 
I think that being owned gives kvetch these feelings because:

• Responsibility for decisions regarding the investigation of his emotional, intellectual, and personal development lie solely with me;
• Guilt feelings he has about not knowing the way forward, and about problems addressing difficulties he has, are alleviated because, as he is no longer responsible for those, guilt is not possible;
• Self blame is also not possible because of the things which are no longer under his jurisdiction;
• As somebody whom he respects, admires, and regards highly, I can credibly reinforce and validate his positive self image every time I demonstrate that I find him of value to me.
• Coming from a person whom kvetch values, respects, and defers to, this positive validation is profoundly meaningful to him- much more so than if coming from some random person (or even a vanilla-non-power-exchangey girlfriend)

 
And now, down to some specifics…..
 
 

Why I Like Capital Letters

 

 
In the English language, a capital letter is normally found at the beginning of a sentence, or at the start of a proper name, and nowhere else. Because of this, the reader tends to pause a little when coming upon a capital letter.

So, when reading something in which I refer to myself with a capital letter, kvetch will pause a little every time he comes across this, and pay it that little bit of extra attention. This serves to help him remember more often that I’m his superiour, and submissive to me.

When I asked kvetch about this, he said that when I use them, it does interfere with the legibility, and with his ease of reading what I write. However, he does feel it’s important for him to use caps, for example when referring to “She” and “Her”, expressing his subordinate role to me.

I agree with the legibility issue, which is why I’ve stopped using those caps in these posts and elsewhere. I do maintain the use of caps in my personal correspondence with him, and in a few selected other places where I feel it’s important to express my dominant role.

It’s one of those small details which in itself is not exceptionally important, but which combined with other things, helps me own him more fully and completely. I wouldn’t feel like I own kvetch less fully without the use of caps. It just adds to the whole package.
 
 

Why I Like Honourifics

 

 
Honourifics are kind of like capital letters to me, but a bit more important. I enjoy very much being addressed with respect, and with an indication of that respect which also describes my superiour role (see above) and responsibility over my slaves.

On the other side of the equation, there are honourifics which bug the shit out of me. I’ve heard some female dominants getting their subs to call them “Mastress” (a bit too much like “Mattress” for my taste), and I’m not even going to go into some of the others. I mean, what the fuck is the point of “Mastress”!? Let’s just say, I have my limits in this area.

Normally, when speaking with submissives whom I do not own, I prefer to be addressed as “Lady”, “m’Lady”, “Ma’am”, “Lady Lubyanka”, “Lady R”, or “Lady [myrealname]“.

And less frequently, I prefer to be addressed as, “Madame Lubyanka”, “Madame R”, “Madame [myrealname]“, “Ms Lubyanka”, “Ms R”, or “Ms [myrealname]“. I have been addressed, by specific individuals, as “Comradess Lubyanka”, and “Comrade Mistress Lubyanka” which is a bit of fun. ;)

Normally, I will only permit slaves whom I own to address me as “Mistress”. While I may be regarded as a Lady by submissives who are either trying to win my favour, or who would like to show respect, I am not their Mistress, so I don’t like anybody presuming to address me as such unless I have given them permission. I feel like, if a person whom I don’t know addresses me as “Mistress”, then that is kind of presuming that I have taken on a responsibility and duty of care over them which I have not agreed to assume.

I don’t personally have any negative or unpleasant associations with the vanilla term “mistress”, so this term does not bother me in that way. I can understand why it would bother some, however. But for me, it’s fine, and I like it, and I like to have it as a special mode of address for those slaves who belong to me. :)

It pleases me greatly to hear a submissive address me as “Lady”. It touches something inside which makes me feel quite warm and yummy.
 
 
( and lo, there was more hotness, verily )
 
 
I feel respected, regarded as important, and considered somewhat cherished when addressed as “Lady”. And it does help reinforce feelings of ownership, and being owned, when used in the context of my relationships.

And when I hear a slave whom I own address me as “Mistress” (especially from a kneeling position), that just melts me into a blob of amorphous goo all over the place. It just sends me, it’s just utterly made of hotness.
 
 
MmmmmmmMMMMMM. Scrumptious.
 
 
Kvetch tells me that he has a special reverence for all women. I’ve been encouraging him to address all women with either “Miss” or “Madam” as a respectful gesture. He agrees it would be nice and respectful to do so, for me. :)
 

Incidentally, I have now informed kvetch that I would prefer to be addressed as “Your Tuna Sandwichness”. He has freely and willingly undertaken to do this, but is having some problems correctly pronouncing “Sandwichness” consistently. I’m sure he’ll improve soon. His mispronunciations are a source of some amusement. Sometimes I have to discipline him for addressing me as “Your Tuna Sandwiches” which clearly just won’t do.

For those exceptionally momentous occasions, when kvetch feels that outstandingly extra special amount of worshipful reverence, he has permission to address me as “Your Salami Sandwichness”. But only on special occasions. Let’s not go over the top here. ;)

 
( Ack, this is a really long post. I’m wondering why I have to be so intercoursing verbose, dammit. I’m not even nearly done yet. Arg. )
 
 

Why I Like Dressing In Leather

 
There are two main aspects to this, the way I feel in leather, and the response I get when wearing leather.
 
 
How I Feel In Leather:
 
When I first became aware of being a dominant, I had some ideas about how I wanted to present my dominance, with use of clothes. The only experience I’d had of corsets before were with surgical corsets, which, to be honest, don’t really do much for a person’s shape. There isn’t a whole lot about surgical corsets that is at all sensual or enjoyable or interesting. I don’t remember why I went browsing for a corset in particular, I think it was some online conversations I had with a few corset-fetishing male submissives. So I ended up ordering this corset, and when it arrived, I was gutted to see in the instructions that “you will need assistance putting on this garment”.

“Oh NO” I said to myself, since I live alone, and there was no way on this earth I was going to be able to get this thing on by myself. Fortunately, with a bit of creative thinking, and a nearby sewing supply shop, I got a long length of elastic ribbon. I laced the thing up, stepped into it, and hoiked it up over my hips.
 
 
Fantastic me me me me me hotness.
 
 
I felt amazing in it. The elastic moved with me, so breathing wasn’t a problem. I felt like I was being gently hugged all over. Marvellous. And when I looked at myself in the mirror, I just could not believe how hot I looked. I knew that this was related in some way to how hot I was feeling, but still, to see it in front of my eyes for the first time was a bit of a shock.
 
So, having worked out a way to get the thing on me, I wore it out a couple of times, to great effect. :)
 

 
I wore it to a vanilla dinner. :)

I also wore it to my first munch, at which I was invited to my first play party, which was to happen the following week.

So, that week I put together some stuff to wear. I dug out my riding boots, dressage spurs, and a pair of soft black cotton jods, and wore a plain black bra under the corset.
 

This is me at the play party with what was to become my favourite riding crop.

When I first saw myself in the mirror in the outfit, I was quite stunned into immobility for a few moments. I really thought that, if I wasn’t already me, I’d try to chat me up. I looked full of all kinds of hotness. I couldn’t believe it. I have never looked that hot, ever. It was amazing to me that I had to hit the age of 40 before being able to perceive and express my inner hotness. I mean, WOW.

I had to remind myself to start breathing again, an not because the corset was too tight.

And it wasn’t just that I looked so hot, I felt amazingly hot as well. This feeling has never gone away, nor grown less over time. If anything, it’s like a brand new shock, every time I put another leather outfit or garment on, to see in the mirror just how hot I can be. It never, ever, ever gets old.

Ok, I think I’ve probably covered the “How I Feel In Leather” thingy. Next…….
 
 
The Response I Get When I Wear Leather:
 
Oy vey, where do I start. I’d better ask kvetch……
 

HEY, KVETCH!!!!

 
( some time, and humpage, later….. )
 
Ok, kvetch says that I kind of glow when I put my leather outfits on. He says, when I wear those things, he feels arousal, an intensely lustful longing to take or be taken (he’s a switch), and a compelling desire to touch the leather-bound-domme-goodness.

He says that the smell of leather is like an aphrodisiac, he frequently somehow ends up on his knees, worshipping, smiling a lot, and feeling a need to serve. He finds that he wants to rub his face all over me, breathe in my smell mixed with the leather smell, to kneel and embrace me, and craves the feeling of my hands cradling his head and my fingers in his hair.

He feels an ardent urge to hump any body part in reach, including, but not limited to, my tuna sandwich.

( does anybody else notice an evolving theme here with tuna sandwiches? )

When kvetch is serving me in public and I’m dressed in leather, if other male submissives are watching, he says, from what he has observed, that he thinks other submissives share his feelings of arousal, of wanting to kneel and serve me, and touch and smell me. I would have to agree with this, as some male submissives have verbally expressed this to me, even if they didn’t actually presume to do any of it.

While serving me in public when I’m dressed in leather, kvetch says he feels safe, comforted, and secure. He says he enjoys some feelings of smugness, being in a position which others want to be in. He says he feels proud of his dominant, and proud of himself for having succeeded in being accepted into and kept on in my service.

And while he was answering me on this topic, he was languourously humping my arse through my jeans with some enthusiasm. I’d call that a result. :)
 
 

Why I Like Feminisation

 

 
Just to make things clear, I currently am not in the process of making my very hunky looking masculine slave into a femsub. No. Not doing that. It’s not something I feel is suitable for every male submissive. But what I am doing with him is travelling a tiny little way along that road.

I like to have him wear women’s panties for me. It makes me feel quite hot to look at him, in his pretty lacy panties, with the bulge in the front. I like knowing that bulge grows for me, and as a result of me. I like knowing that the only reason he’s wearing those panties is to please me. I like knowing that he’d never wear those panties in a million trillion years, except for the fact that I asked him to. The entire reason he’s wearing those panties is for my personal pleasure.
 
 
( oh dear, there goes that hotness again, mmmmmmm, my personal pleasure, mmmmmmm :p )
 
 
I don’t wear those kinds of panties myself. In fact I don’t really do panties at all. I used to wear men’s cotton bikini briefs (much better quality, cheaper, and longer lasting elastic than their women’s equivalents). A few years back I had a major spinal issue and I just couldn’t reach to get panties on me. I stopped wearing them at that time and somehow I just never got back into wearing any. I stopped wearing socks too, for the same reason, but I’m getting back into them now what with the whole big stompy leather footwear thing.

The fact that I don’t wear those kinds of panties myself, combined with the fact that kvetch wouldn’t otherwise wear those kinds of panties himself, combined with the fact that I think kvetch looks so wet-makingly hot in them, combined with the fact that the sole reason he wears them is for my pleasure, is practically too hot for me to just sit here and contemplate.

And the fact that he is ONLY wearing them for my benefit, contributes to making him feel more owned, and me feeling more like he’s my bitch. :)

Kvetch can hardly put on those panties without getting really hard. He said he doesn’t think he’d get quite as hard if he put them on without me watching and enjoying the moment, but he does think he’d get just a bit hard even if I wasn’t watching (since it’s all for me, anyhow).

When I asked kvetch about how he feels wearing those panties, he said that wearing them makes him feel much more submissive, in that he is exposed for my pleasure. Also, he said he feels humbled, because his ego isn’t being considered, and that the taboo of wearing women’s panties makes him feel very aroused.
 
 
( plus, you know, remember when I said about getting hot in this post? That last bit got me quite moist, actually. Plus, when we were discussing this, kvetch rolled over and started humping my foot. I’d call that a result. :D )
 
 

Why I Like Strapons

 

 
Before I became overtly aware of being a dominant, I had no thoughts about strapons. When I became aware of being a dominant, and began conversing with other BDSM-ers, the importance of the strapon to male heterosexual submissives was made known to me.

I did like the idea of strutting round the place with a big waggly cock strapped firmly to my body. ;)

So I shopped around, and decided that a separate harness would be much nicer than those cheap looking but expensive tatty things which sometimes come with a dong already attached.

The first dong I got for the harness, while having a great shape, size, and texture (not to mention the striking red colour ;) ) had such an unbelievably vile rubber smell (and, I’m told, unbelievably vile rubber taste) that I suspected it was jam packed full of phthalates. In the end, as the smell and taste never lessened over time, I had to throw it away, and now I have a varied collection of assorted, better tasting and smelling dongs to put in the harness, one for practically every occasion. ;)

And yes, I am a bit of a size queen. So sue me. :p

( I never did get another one in such a cool red colour though, dammit )
 
 
and, oh, lots more hotness going on here
 
 
It’s difficult to describe the kind of response I get from even the idea of my strapon, but I’ll try, as that response is the key to why I even consider using the damn thing.

Ok, first I should probably mention the prostate. This is absolutely crucial to the whole strapon business.

I personally have introduced three men to the joys their prostate can offer, two vanilla, and my slave, kvetch. I’ve used my finger and toys on all three. All have expressed profound pleasure and gratitude for this. The prostate is an extreme pleasure spot for men. All three have responded with intense arousal, and begging for more.

Now, it’s a fact that I get off on the arousal of my play partners. I love their arousal, and I love knowing that I’m responsible for that arousal. It makes me very very very hot.
 
 
Mmmmmmmm, hotness.
 
 
Taking my slave up the arse with my finger is really hot. Taking him up the arse with a toy, whether vibrating or otherwise, is also really hot, and tends to get a more intense response from him. This response was similar with the two vanilla men. I never used a strapon with the vanilla men, and I’m not sure what the response would have been, since there was no overt, pre-negotiated power exchange relationship there.

With a strapon, there are ways for kvetch to show his devotion and submission which are not available to him when I’m using my finger or some of the non cock-like toys. Now, he’s sucked on a cock I was about to use to fuck him, whether I held it in my hand, or in the strapon. He really enjoys being able to deep throat my cock, and it gets me really hot watching him dive into subspace as his mouth gets fucked with my cock.
 
 
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, more hotness.
 
 
When I’m wearing a strapon, he can kneel before me, have his mouth fucked with my cock, and look up at me, all at the same time. I should probably make it clear that I have never suggested to kvetch that he suck any of my cocks. This is something he’s done himself. Watching him enjoy deep throating my cock, dropping into subspace with that look he gets when his eyes roll back in his head, well, it just doesn’t get a whole lot hotter than that.
 
 
*pleasurable sigh*
 
 
I can feel through my pubic bone just how hard kvetch is going down on my cock, how deeply he is taking it, and how ardently he is showing his submission to me by doing that

When I asked him to take the above picture for the purposes of illustrating this post, his reaction was absolutely unequivocal. Somehow, he managed to concentrate his focus enough, in between his moans, to get a usable image after four attempts, which isn’t bad, considering. :p When I expressed myself satisfied with the final attempt, he got straight off the chair from which he was taking the pictures, and onto his knees at my feet.

Zero to sixty in a nanosecond. :)

He couldn’t seem to keep his mouth off my cock. He looked up at me, put his hands on my hips, moaned some more, and started kissing it. He looked up at me again, moaned again, and started deep throating it, breathing noisily, and again with the moans.

At this point I asked him if he had time to prepare my lunch before going back to work, so he reluctantly got up off his knees and did that.
 
 
mmmmmmmmMMMMMMM, more hotness, and lunch too, mmmmmmmmmmm, hot and tasty goodness.
 
 
I asked kvetch to describe what it is about me wearing a strapon which sends him so much. He contemplated the compelling taboo nature of how he’s a heterosexual male who isn’t supposed to be fucked. He reminisced with pleasure about the sound of the harness buckling on, the creak of leather and the clink of the buckles, and the squelchy sound and feel of the lubricant being applied. He sighed about the thrusting of my hips, establishing a rhythm, and the way my body touches his body at the peak of each thrust. He murmured that because of the harness, I have my hands free whilst fucking him and can use them any way I want (said in a hopeful voice ;) ).

Actually, he mumbled all that while stroking me and rubbing up against me in an increasingly urgent way. The whole topic was getting him, and me, pretty fucking hot.
 
 
just tonnes and tonnes of hotness going on right here
 
 
He also said that sucking my cock whilst I’m wearing a strapon is a way for him to show his submission, to be there, taking my cock in his mouth, his head bobbing up and down on my cock, looking up at me and maintaining eye contact the whole time….

And he could hardly describe all this without just getting really hard and pushing himself against me, and nibbling on my neck, which in turn made me melt into a big melty puddle of goo.
 
 

• Note To Self: Asking kvetch about his feelings regarding strapons is not best done when he’s making my breakfast and getting ready for work.
• Also inadvisable is asking kvetch to take photos of my strapon when he’s meant to be preparing my lunch and going back to work.

 
Must Remember This.

 
 
And all this hotness from him, and submission from him, and devotion, and just, well, him gagging for it, really sends me.
 
 
aaaaaaaaand, how about that hotness, yup, plenty of that going around over here, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
 
 
So anyhow, I reckon that just about explains what it is about strapons for me. If it still isn’t clear, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do about that.
 
 

Some Wrap-It-Up Stuff

 
I was going to address the terms “Pussy Worship” and “Foot Worship” in this post, but it’s already way, waaaaaay too long, so I’m going to leave those for another time. You can probably get started on what I think about these if you scroll up and read what I wrote about capital letters and honourifics. I think it’s really important to choose the names of things with care, so that they are understood to mean what they’re meant to mean.

As I often do, I read out parts of this post to kvetch as I was writing it. And he said, as he has said many times before, that he thinks the world is being deprived of my podcasts. So one of these days, I will do a post as a podcast. I’m saying this here so I can more effectively nag myself into doing it.

Always end on a song, a dance, and a nag. ;)
 
 
and some more hotness ;)