Rant: New Submissives

 

 
 
Hello. :) My next post will be a rant.   You have been warned. ;)

Ok, I think I’m well overdue for a rantfest, as I haven’t had one in awhile.   And a few recent things have conspired to encourage me to put together a post on the various nauseating demerits of the typical newbie submissive.
 
 

1. Random Contacts

 
I frequently get do me!! solicitations from new submissives, who have never read my profile, or this blog, or anything of mine, who know absolutely nothing about me, who have no physical in-person experience of BDSM whatsoever, and who apparently have no limits at all (until I ask them about being fucked by a horse or something).   They exclaim that I  (a stranger to them, and completely unknown)  am their Dream Goddess and nothing would fulfill them more than to be granted permission to throw themselves prostrate at my feet to worship and serve me for as long as I will allow them to do so.
 

I regard such offers with just a teensy smidge of suspicion.

 
Usually it subsequently turns out that they’re married, or living way too far away, or belong to some obscure religion which prohibits the flagellative use of rubber chickens.
 
 

2. Being Demanding

 
Even more frequently, I get solicitations from new submissives which go something like these:
 

• how r u
• i want a mistres
• i need disaplin
• train me lubanke

 
My mind boggles regularly at the baldness of the demands.   They tell me what they want and need, but only incredibly seldom tell me what they are offering.
 

If they do tell me what they are offering, it’s usually something like compliance, submission, loyalty, service, and similar stuff like that, which hardly distinguishes them from the gazillions of other submissives.   I mean, who would take on a submissive who was not compliant and submitting and stuff?

 
I wonder why they think that I’d give a shit about the needs and wants of an utter stranger who can’t even use a whole word, when they clearly don’t give a thought to my needs.
 

(that’s one of the things I just adore about being a dominant, I can legitimately just go, it’s all about Me Me Me Me Me and nobody will argue   :p  )

 

3. Applying for a position of Service

 
I regard my position as being something like being an employer.   I seek individuals to serve me as, when, and how I require.   Services can include domestic cleaning, food shopping, preparation and serving, accompanying and schlepping.

Special service can include bathing, erotic servicing, and accompanying and serving me at BDSM events.

I am most certainly not going to be interested in any individual whose application is so sloppy, badly spelt, and incomplete, that this indicates a likelihood of sloppy and incomplete service.   Any employer is not going to be interested in the special needs and wants of their personnel  (unless those needs fit into those of the company).   Indeed, too many special needs and wants can lead to not even being considered for the post  (unless there is some requirement to include a certain proportion of “Special Needs” employees).   Employers are interested only in how well that applicant can perform the required tasks.

I am not under any legal requirement to include a proportion of any group of people in my staff/stable/harem/army/whatever.   I do not have to accept applicants who are sloppy, stupid, demanding, green, blue, purple or fuchsia, women, men, shemales, crossdressers, or badgers.   I can take on who I like, how I like, for as long or as short as I like  (assuming consent all round, of course).
 
 

4. My Needs

 
Frankly, as total strangers who want something from me, I have zero interest in their needs or wants.   I don’t care if they want a mistress, or need discipline, or want training.   As far as I’m aware, every submissive thinks they need a dominant, discipline, and training.   I need submissives who will serve me as I require, to the standards I require. I need submissives with a brain cell which is not lonely.   I need submissives who are not so emotionally impaired that, every time I observe faults which require correction, they either run and hide shivering in a box, or they start shouting at me, and blaming me for their shortcomings.
 

And I should endure this behaviour from people who cannot even spell my nickname correctly? I don’t think so.

 
This is not to say that I disapprove of submissives who are aware of, and able to communicate their needs, not a bit of it.   I require my submissives to always communicate to me their emotional and physical state, so that I may take that into consideration when requesting service, or monitoring their responses.   I feel strongly that knowing one’s own needs and wants is an excellent thing.

But clearly, any job application which said something like “I wanna job” would not go down nearly as well as something like “I have many skills which will serve you well”.   And I regard solicitations to serve me as being akin to job applications.
 
 

5. Manners

 
I wonder how it is that these new submissives, in addition to having no BDSM experience, also seem to have no experience in what I would refer to as ordinary vanilla manners.

It would seem that some members of the BDSM community would regard membership of that community as an excuse to disregard even some of the smallest ordinary courtesies.   For example, “please” and “thank you” do not seem to be in common usage within the BDSM population (unless a dominant enforces their use by their submissive).

Some people have expressed genuine surprise that I address “even submissives” with politeness and courtesy.   I, on the other hand, am utterly surprised that people think there can be any legitimate reason for omitting politeness and courtesy from any human interaction.

Further to that, it boggles my mind how any submissive, however much he claims to want to throw his worthless carcass at my glorious feet, will at the same time omit pleases and thank yous where they would ordinarily be appropriate.

This topic gets many “grrrrr”s from me.
 

Grrr.

 
 

6. Inexperience

 
I just get so utterly annoyed when some submissive presents me with his lack of experience as if it’s some kind of gift.
 

“Hello, I have no idea what I’m doing, so I bet you’ll just love to fulfill my fantasies while I serve you inadequately.”

Great.

 
I bet I could invest a few months into training this paragon of virtue, only to have the relationship not work out.   Then all my hard work ends up pleasing another dominant, especially now that the submissive is somewhat trained and therefore more desirable and better able to attract a dominant.
 

Perfect.

 
Yet somehow they all present their utter inexperience as something they expect me to just look at and orgasm all over it immediately.
 
No, I will not be orgasming over that information today, thank you.
 
 

7. Unreciprocated Question Answering

 
This is another particularly peevy peeve of mine.   In conversation, especially the get-to-know-you kind, I find that a lot of submissives ask many lame questions, such as
 

• How are you today?
• Where are you from?
• What age are you?
• What do you do for a living?

 
They seldom, if ever, offer similar information about themselves, even if asked.   They go all coy like I’m going to report them to their boss or spouse or something.   They seem to expect that their responsibilities of holding up their end of the conversation are completed, simply if they ask those rather personal, intrusive questions, and then wait for me to do most of the conversating.
 

I HATE that.

 
If I ever say  (as I do sometimes)  that I don’t prefer to be greeted with questions such as those, and do prefer to be greeted with information personal to the submissive doing the asking, I often get a less than helpful response.

Either they leave, or they look at me quizzically and then leave, or they tell me to go fuck myself, and then leave.

In a way, this is helpful to me, as it weeds out the unsuitable candidates straight away.   In another way, it’s disappointing, as I’d much rather there were fewer unsuitable candidates out there.
 
 

8. Self Absorption

 
Ok, I could  really  do with there being a whole lot less unhappiness in the world.   I have found that when people are particularly and chronically unhappy, they become self absorbed to a really amazing degree, and without ever noticing the fact.
 

(please note one of my all time truths, which states that, any mental health issue, by its very nature, impairs the ability of the person who has it to clearly perceive that mental health issue)

 
This self-absorption can manifest itself in a variety of ways:
 

• Advance Apologies  -  A self absorbed person with a poor self image may apologise in advance for any possible offense they may have caused.   This can be irritating if it happens often.

  It can also be irritating because it may then be necessary to soothe and reassure a person “Oh, no, you’re fine, really” when they are apologising for some assumed responsibility for some perceived slight taken when there is in fact absolutely no objective evidence for such an assumption.

  So there is an attempt to manipulate me  (albeit unconsciously)  into soothing and reassuring a person who has just been projecting their poor self image onto an otherwise quite ok situation.

  I refuse to soothe or reassure a person in that situation, as I will not subject myself to manipulation of any kind.   Their poor self image is not my fault, and I have not said or done anything wrong.   I may indicate that I am not offended and ask why they thought I was, but otherwise, I will not respond with comfort and reassurance.

  Sometimes they make me pay for that by being rude to me, or by accusing or blaming me for this or that spurious thing. How could any woman resist such a response.

  Oy vey.

 
 

• Assumptions Of Wrongness  -  I can ask a question, or state something literally, or simply make an observation, and the response I can get is something like: “I’ve offended you, please forgive me, I won’t be bothering you anymore”
   
  GRRR!!!!

   
  Ok, the assumption of offense taken, and then action taken on that assumption, when nobody even THINKS to even ASK me if I’ve been offended, which usually I haven’t.

  Of course, after that, even if I wasn’t before, I do usually end up rather pissed off.

  I do NOT appreciate having thoughts, motives, or words attributed to me without any evidence, and without even checking with me first.

  Also, similarly to the other example, there is that unconscious manipulation attempt into soothing and reassuring “Oh, really, you haven’t offended me, you’re fine, really” type of thing, which I won’t do, and which sometimes I am made to pay for not doing.
   

  Isn’t Life Just Grand.

  *sigh*

   
   

• Assumptions Of Attitudes  -  Out of the blue, somebody can say something like “I’m being silly” or “I know you’ll think that’s stupid”.

  Again, assumptions being made of a negative opinion on my part due to their poor self image, and not checking with me first.

  And AGAIN the unconscious manipulation into the soothing and reassurance “No, you’re fine, I don’t think you’re silly or stupid” which I don’t and won’t do.   I do so HATE having thoughts and motives erroneously attributed to me, without checking.

  So arrogant that they assume they can read my mind and know precisely what I’m thinking about them?   I don’t think so.

  Additionally, there is the assumption that I can read their minds, and know what motivations and thoughts they’re having, without them bothering to tell me.

  *sigh again*

  Furthermore, there is the self absorbed arrogance, based on a poor self image and profound, chronic unhappiness, in assuming that I’m spending all my time listening carefully to them with a view to formulating a negative opinion on them, as if I have nothing better to do than focus on their every syllable.

  Grrrr.
   

  And it never once occurs to them to turn that all around and ask themselves  -  “Hey, how come I feel so uncomfortable??”

 
 

The End

 
That would be a summary of most of what bothers me about most contact attempts I get from newbie male submissives.

I quite enjoyed that rant.   :)

Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week  -  also available for weddings and bar mitzvahs.   ;)