This is my appeal to any readers in the North or the Republic of Ireland.
I would be very interested in hearing from anybody out there who has personally experienced any unpleasantness directly relating to
- the bdsmireland yahoo group
- Club Hysteria
- Nimhneach
- any munches in the North or the Republic of Ireland
- any BDSM-related events in the North or the Republic of Ireland
- any BDSM-related groups in the North or the Republic of Ireland
- any BDSM-related personal encounters in the North or the Republic of Ireland
- any BDSM-related abuse with any person in the North or the Republic of Ireland
- any BDSM-related unpleasantness which you have never been able to tell anybody, which happened anywhere within the North or the Republic of Ireland
Am I the only one this stuff happens to?
Are your experiences similar to mine?
If you would like to share your stories in complete confidence, please write to me at
- LubyankaBlog at gmail dot com
I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you.
Update – 9 December, 2008
A comment was submitted for publication here, which contained the following queries which I felt were worth addressing (and which I have summarised).
im wondering why you are asking for peoples unpleasant stories rather than positive ones, im merely curious is all.
I have had more unpleasant stories about online relationships [...] online encounters have been unpleasant yet i dont see these listed above.
[...] i dont like to see that there is negative attitude here towards the bdsm groups in ireland. i see the request for ppl to share ‘unpleasant’ stories as a way to ‘tar’ or ‘attack’ the bdsm community
[...] why is there no request for positive feedback, i am only merely curious. it seems an odd request to look for this information from strangers.
1. Why request unpleasant stories instead of positive feedback?
As you may have noticed, positive feedback may be, and in fact is freely published everywhere, without fear of recriminations. Positive feedback is more or less universally welcomed and celebrated.
Note that these queries were posed in a comment submitted for publication, and not in a private email. This person clearly felt no concern about enduring any unpleasant recriminations from their remarks.
If it were already possible to freely publish unpleasant feedback within the community, and if the people responsible for attending to these matters always responded to unpleasant feedback with efforts to put it right, then I would hardly need to write this post, because all of my queries would have been freely and widely addressed elsewhere already. Not only would I have no need to ask people (strangers) to write to me privately, but those people (strangers) would have no need to write to me privately.
Clearly, this is not the case right now. There’s a lot to say, but there is currently no place to safely say it.
2. Why try to ‘tar’ or ‘attack’ the bdsm community?
I’m interested to note that you seem to think that unpleasant truths are by definition a ‘negative attitude’, or an attempt to ‘tar’ or ‘attack’ anybody. Why would I want to do that anyhow? I cannot think of a single reason why attacking the BDSM community, of which I am a member, would benefit me. I can’t make any sense out of your premise.
Telling the truth, however unpleasant it may be, can hardly be accurately characterised as negative, tarring or attacking anybody. Facts stand alone, without value judgements, and regardless of any personal bias.
I’m also interested to note that from what you say, positive feedback is ok with you, but other kinds of feedback are not. I read from what you wrote that somehow, the less positive kinds of feedback appear to leave you feeling like the messenger is at fault for their ‘negative attitude’, or for attempting to ‘tar’ or ‘attack’.
As it happens, I’ve found that the double-standards featured in these kinds of victim-blaming, messenger-shooting strategies are commonplace in our community, unfortunately.
3. Why not include online dating in your list of requests?
If anybody wants to talk to me about any unpleasantness from dating online or in-person individuals, then I am of course more than willing listen attentively. I do agree that it’s important to share information about people who are habitual abusers. My experience is that this kind of information has unfortunately also been frequently moderated invisibly, so I would welcome information about that, if anybody wants to share it. Perhaps some pertinent details about a few specific persistent perpetrators will come to light, which can only improve everybody’s safety.
I too have had unpleasant dating experiences with individuals, both online and in-person. So by all means, if you want to, please do write to me with the details of any transgressing online daters you’ve come across, or on anything else I haven’t included.
Just a couple of quick notes to finish off:
- I got a phone call asking me about this post. I’ve never had a phone call specifically about a post I’ve published before, not once since April 2007 when I started this blog. I’m not really sure what to make of that call. It was odd. I was told that this post might be open to misinterpretation, but despite my asking several times, the caller wouldn’t say misinterpretation of what.
For the people who have written to me so far - Please be aware that I am working on replies to your messages, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.


















